The gap years

 Six years have passed since I wrote anything. The world of technology changed. Blogs were passé. It’s the time of social media, Facebook came and so did change but soon it’s attractions waned. People got their own YouTube channels,the visual media took over ,then instagram with its fake lives and fake identities. I retreated into my world of written memories. It was back to pen and paper for me. That’s what happens when apps become redundant and software doesn’t support them. Pen and paper it is now. Except that no one but I can read what’s written. Is my life experiences so extraordinarily that it has to be shared..? Perhaps not but the world expects us to share e wry living moment. To those of my friends who read this blog, and missed it. Well the very supportive husband,rediscovered the blog,because he believes in me. Now that is a very good thing isn’t it?. So this blog was written because he took the effort and it makes him proud to read what I write and I believe these are moments and gestures that are to be celebrated. Twenty five years of married life has happened and very happy ones at that. So in celebration of a happy life with cherished memories,this blog is being rediscovered and perhaps reinvented. Let see how it goes in this age of instant gratification.

Life

It was the 60s probably the time between innocence and total madness. School education was semi British and the value systems were all Christian. One lesson however that struck me most was the one on balanced diets. Not sure if it was part of a biology class but I still remember the lovely pictures of  meats, fruit and veg. We learnt about the body needing fats, sugar, minerals, carbohydrates and protein. Not for us the vegetarian or vegan option. Not for us the low fat, low carb diets. No diets at all . It was all about what your body needs, it was about building strong bodies and strong minds. No food was bad it was all about moderation. We played for hours in blazing summer heat burnt to berries by the end of the day. Our parents never worried about sun strokes, or of us being burnt by the sun. Nobody bothered too much it was more about getting the right amount of exercise without the pressure of having to get it. We had fun and that was it. Some of us were fat, some seriously skinny. We hadn't heard of obesity or anorexia. We were just the way we were. Some forty years later everything changed. Suddenly we had body types, we heard that one had to be slim, we heard about having straight hair, about the all important gym membership. We needed weight training to strengthen our bodies. We stoped writing letters, we had email. Suddenly all our conversations were about the weight we've gained, how hard it was to get rid of it. How exercise is such a chore but had to be done. The pressure was building. All of a sudden my coconut oil was bad for me, red ,eat was bad for me, vegetarian was the way to go, the it became vegan. People look aghast when I tucked into my meat with relish. They were shocked when I said I hated vegetables and refused to become a rabbit. The pitying looks increased as I got rounder. No gym membership but I did redeem myself with some yoga.  Why did everyone look surprised when I did all the housework myself, cooked food at home, didn't care much for eating out.  No one talked about my lack of aches and pains or about the fact that I didn't moan about feeling tired all the time. I guess no one understands that we were brought up to get on with life. Whining in our time was disgraceful behaviour. So the world has changed and I have too. I eat meat once or twice a week and eat fish instead. Most people believe I have made lifestyle changes and am following a diet. Not at all. The fact is that I prefer sea food to meat. The fact is my 85 year old mother is a brilliant cook and the home food is so good I don't feel the need to eat out. The world did change and so did people and I did too but I decided long ago that the best way to live was to live on my terms. The best I could do was to be myself and not aspire to be what the world wants me to be. I don't need to be wished for women's day because it makes no difference to my life. I respect myself and I don't need a day to define me. Yes I would have loved to skydive I may have wanted to skate or something so out of reach but we all have our wish lists don't we.but for now happiness is a bowl of good food.

December

The vey last month of the year and this city gets nervous. A lot of people believe that madras is doomed in December thanks to various natural calamities that have visited this city in December. Many years ago a tsunami swept this city away with devastating results. None of us had seen anything of the kind before but life settled back for those of us not affected and we forgot all about it. Then last year a flood hit us. Yes it rained but not the kind of rain that we expected. The city drowned slowly and infrastructure collapsed.  People helped each other and somehow we got through the worst. This year we braced ourselves for another flood but the rains never came. Instead a leading politician died and as we waited for the violence and damage to start, it all got eerily quiet. No disturbance of any kind was reported and to the surprise of everyone, the city conducted a funeral with clock work precision. Considering how popular she was it was a huge relief and a testament to the fact that the people of this state can show the rest of India a few lessons in dignity and restraint . We moved on and waited . A few days later a cyclone was announced. Now we were prepared for floods and cyclones have a way of bypassing our city for other shores so we didn't take it too seriously . As it started raining we were still bracing for floods, but the cyclone had other ideas. In what was yet another first after many years, the city was torn apart for a day of ferocious winds which left trees dancing and bending till they broke into many pieces. Large trees that have been part of our growing years were all felled with the fury of nature. At the end of it all the city resembled a forest. Not a single street was spared. Roads were blocked with fallen trees and it is still being cleared. The city was stripped of its famous green cover and no one had seen it coming.

Personally it was also a month of great sadness with the death of a well loved uncle who took the trouble to visit us a month ago and then dropped dead which no one had expected him to do. It was also a time when old people in the family suffered strokes and suffered silently. When friends lost parents to old age. When pop icons of our youth passed a way and we suddenly felt our age and had to face the eroding of our youth and our music. And like the sadness of another year  gone by a little bit of our lives as we know it is lost. We have our memories and we need to live with those as the year slowly winds down to a close.

Christmas as always is a good time, a time to meet old friends, and to have our regular Christmas dinner. Exhausted by the string of visitors I decided to out source cooking to the mother and sister and did all the baking instead . Midnight service as usual was a grand one with a lovely message though the night turned warm.

And as the sun set on yet another year I look back with mixed feelings. It was the year my mother turned 85, it was also the year when we thought we had lost her. It was a year when she probably realised that so many people loved her enough to make time to be with her. It was also a year when cousins and uncles were lost forever despite being too young to die. But as the year ends I count the many blessings we've had and look forward to new ones in the new year.

November

It's almost the last month of 2016 and one is sure the year has passed by rather quickly. There wre many visitors in November . One long lost cousin and his wife were the most welcome visitors. With the husband on a constant travel plan life can get rather dull in this house, hence all visitors are welcome . Of course it also is an opportunity to go out and loaf which is what I love to do. Visits to the typical touristy spots of the city can give one a new perspective on life.

This was also the month of the one and only Hindu festival we celebrate which is Diwali but as no one was in a middle to celebrate what with all the illnesses and tensions of the pervious months we decided that this was a soundless Diwali. It was also the husbands birthday which always meant a party and even though he wasn't keen, the friends decided to cheer him up and landed up . It turned out to be a fun evening with gifts, food and plenty of conversations.

November on the whole turned out to be not a bad month at all. The weather stayed cool and pleasant even though there was no rain...if not using the fan is any indication, then it was a good month.

October

September passed quietly into October. I didn't feel the difference except that I was alone again with my mother having to shoulder all responsibility alone. Silver lining was that one sister was here for two weeks while the husband was off looking after his mother. Those two weeks were calm and relaxing. Just the freedom of knowing that I could go out without fretting or watching the clock, worrying if my mother would be fine, that is a great feeling when one is always tied down to the house. But two weeks pass quickly. I am still hankering after a long drive to the beach, or that weekend getaway that doesn't look like it will happen in this life. One week passes quickly enough. Ofcourse I've made the trip to visit the mother in law in her home and that's not too bad considering there are lots of people around to help and one is not required to do anything. It also felt great after ages to travel on my own to take my time wandering around the airport, to people watch. To idle away time on a bus watching the city pass by. I chose to travel during a festival and it's interesting to see how diverse India is and how the same festival has unique rituals in each city and town. Caught in a traffic jam caused but the milling crowds, I sat back and enjoyed the ride. I was in no hurry ! I wasn't required to be with anyone or any place at any given time so I enjoyed the ride while my fellow passengers who were all trying to get back home, fretted and fumed at the delays. Hyderabad is a city so easily recognisable by its religions. We pass through Muslim areas and the roads are lined with restaurants announcing all manner of biryanis and kebabs. It makes me want to jump off the bus and get a taste of this authentic Muslim cuisine. Then the city gives way to temples and Hindu festivals takes over. There are millions of people thronging temples, cows roam freely or are being fed in temples. Bright flowers in shades of saffron and  vermillion are piled up in abundance . I fall for them and end up decorating the front door with them. It all looks so beautiful.

Back home things have settled down to a not so bad routine. Towards the end of the month the husband is back and despite the somber mood we do have our first party of the season which turns out to be lots of fun, because our neighbours joined us with their dogs who managed to make the whole evening so much better. And thus ends October and it wasn't so bad .

September

September 2016 brought home the advantages of the joint family system. I've never been part of this system so can't comment on the merits or demerit of it. Suffice to say that when one has an ill person in the house who needs constant care, it makes a great difference if family members are around, the more the better.

 We had it all down to a system. Two of us took turns at cooking for everyone while one of us sat vigil with the mother. When meals were don't the cooks took to entertaining the mother. A whole month of non stop help can make one get used to it. The mothers recovery was remarkable simply because of the psychological advantages of having all the family around.

Even when the mother in law fell ill and the husband has to run off to attend to his mother,I was relaxed. The sisters provided much needed conversations to help with any lingering sense of stress. Not a month I want to repeat but was I grateful for all the help. Needless to say it's not a happy time when two parents are unwell and they live in different cities.

In our childhood being grounded was a form of punishment but today I've come full circle and in my twilight years I am being grounded by none other than my mother. I grew up in a pre smartphone era and my mom couldn't get hold of me once I left the house. Such freedom is unheard of in these the technological times when parents can track kids in every corner of the globe. Thank god my mother has never managed to get her head around the use of a smartphone and that is the biggest advantage. 

Ever since her stay at a hospital my mother had developed a fear of being alone, understandable in the circumstances too but for her, staying within the four walls of her home is not big deal. Infact,going out is stressful. Me on the other hand needs to go out at least once a day. Over the years I have learnt to outsmart my mother but as we got older together it's not easy to do the things one did in ones youth. Now I worry about her if I am gone too long. I return at exactly the time I've promised to be back and I curtail a lot of my outings. But to be confined to the house day in and day out with no social interaction can drive me crazy, so I start by going to the terrace to water my plants. This takes all of fifteen minutes , but I choose to have a cup of tea with the neighbour, do a spot of weeding, and stretch it to thirty minutes. My next step is to go vegetable shopping or shop for fish. My mother is a great believer in a bargain and fish prices are one thing we all agree on. If fish is going as less expensive as compared to the previous month then we have to stock up. Being gone for an hour or so if it's in the interests of buying fish, is fine by her but if it's a walk that I want to be off to then it's a strict no no. However having said that ,she does get bored of my company soon enough and it's simply a matter of time when I will be able to disappear for longer stretches. Until then I hibernate.

The ant chain

They form a thin line up and down,stoping on the way to chat with friends,give them news or happenings in another part of the line. I watch them go up and down in perfect harmony,no sign of a quarrel or even a cold shoulder. These are house ants. I find them snaking their way to a tin of rice. I decide to get rid of them. While I admire their tenacity and their sense of community and their alleged love of order and friendship,I do not necessarily welcome them into a tin of rice. Let's be very clear,the rice is mine and so is the kitchen and unprovoked intrusions will result in consequences. I fill a bowl with water and leave the tin in it. Most often than not a few brave ones will venture out and drown,then the tragedy will be transmitted fast up the chain and new strategies will be formulated. Ah predictable ones,that's exactly what they did. After the drowning of a few,some came out and circled the rim of the tin. It's a long climb from the bottom of the tin to the rim but they did it. Then when they realised there was no way to escape they went back and the entire community ,which till then was browsing among the grains,and after some kind of clarion call,all the ants got into a huddle. Suddenly there is a thick red ribbon of ants all clustered together and wondering what to do. I have to change track too. Should I put the tin on a hot stove and roast them?. Or should I wait patiently till they tire of hanging on the edge and decide to commit suicide. I've decided on patience,simply because roasting them would mean roasting the rice too and that wouldn't do me much good,so I wait patiently for all of them to kill themselves. As a veteran of many an ant war,I do believe I can outsmart them all the time.