Airports

I spent three weeks in and around Europe and when I came back to India the differences hit me.Its a world away from each other but in its own ways both places have somethings to offer one being that one is home and the other is a holiday destination but lets celebrate the differences

At the Indian airports I am required to tag my bags with baggage tags,then my check in baggage will have to be sent through a scanner,i will be frisked by a very bored often times sleepy security staff and sent on my way to immigration.Here most often than not there is a disgruntled person who thinks i have no business to be jetting off on holiday and so he or she will pour over my passport and stamp it at random.I will them sit in a very dull and drab airport which claims to have duty free but if retail businesses are run the way our duty free is then god help the seller and they buyer

In the one hour that i am there there are at least three announcements that flights have been delayed thanks to technical fault or late arrival of another flight.

As we enter the aircraft,the air hostesses that greet us are all in their 35 to 50 years .They are well groomed and efficient but not very pretty.....flash back to Indian carriers....most in their 20 or 30,most very pretty or well made up with ready smile and polite manner.Would i trust them in an emergency? Not sure as they don't inspire confidence in me (though they may in the male traveller).

Crying children who's parents cant get them to wear seat belts are no problem to the German air hostess,they will start by telling the parents to make sure their child is seated and should that fail they will get the job done.In many cases the child is either so terrified of the big built woman or they just need some discipline....but they sit quiet.

If a passenger has had too much to drink they will tell him or her in no uncertain terms that they will not be served again.I don't see that happening in our country.
Get off at a German airport and there are hardly any staff.Just enough to guide you if you happen to be getting a connecting flight.All the others will follow arrows and signboards that will get one to the correct place.
We get to immigration and are passports are stamped by a very bored but scary looking German and we are on our way.

The duty free is like a fancy mall,every luxury item is there in well proportioned shops,well lit displays and efficient staff.All promotions (and there are plenty) are clear and interesting.We are offered a shot of Remy martin as there is a promo on (what fun).The eating places are plenty and we have choices so a two or four hour transit passes off with ease.No bored moments.

The toilets and this is my biggest concern....In Indian airports the toilets are just about OK or real dirty.There will be many a cleaning person but for some reason it just cant stay clean.....reach Frankfurt and decide to use the loo.....quantum leap in cleanliness.Not a single cleaning person in sight but the toilets are clean they smell good one can have a shower,separate rooms for nursing mothers,room for kids to have diaper changes and room for handicapped.Toilets in large numbers and every one of them without exception are clean and smell good...

So at the end of the holiday we are back at the German airport.We have checked in online,the boarding pass is scanned.For those with smart phones they scan their phone on a machine.The we drop our baggage (no tags no security check).We wander until its time to board and have to pass security.No frisking....we just walk through a scanner and god forbid it beeps then from nowhere there will be enough people to surround you but otherwise walk through.All bags,belts,jackets are neatly sent out in trays so no need to wipe the dirt off the conveyor belt (no dirt in their airports but most certainly in ours).Then we are ready to board.It takes about less half an hour at the most and with the minimum of staff and the most efficient machines.

As we wait i hear an announcement of flight every minute or so,the boards are full of flight departing to places far and wide.I wait in vain for a flight to be delayed or cancelled (it probably happens only in storms,snow or ice or some such act of god).and once again I wonder what makes us so different?.Are we just not bothered are are we just too many people?

all I know is that that level of efficiency is not just system driven it is an attitude and I don't see us getting there very soon ,but at the end of the day its good to be home.

iPad and me

If I repeat myself its only because I can't get my head around the iPad which insists on eating my words.But that's my only way go post so due apologies.

Nice experiences in Frankfurt part two

Eating cabbage soup thanks to it being the most popular.We wander around town and go to places with the largest customer base,then we ask a few suits what they are eating,and order the same.This we find is the best way to save money and get the right things to eat.

We decide our breakfast options twenty days before we plan to have breakfast.Getting organized the German way.

No frisking at the airport,everything is just scanned.

Immigration officer who reminds me of nazi all Prussian blue eyes and blond hair,he sends a shiver down my spine but is not unfriendly.My imagination works over time when in Germany.

Browsing around duty free and we are offered premium cognac. What more can one ask for ?.The liquid gold warms our insides as it makes its smooth transition from mouth to stomach.

Meeting nick the friendly Australian who gave us tips on traveling in Frankfurt.He had been there a few days ahead and was glad to meet some one who spoke English so there we were exchanging notes


The local Germans who helped us with the stations and directions without being asked.

Meeting jayanth the nine year old passenger who was traveling alone to Canada.We exchange smiles but an hour into the end of our flight he discovers that the husband in Telugu and that they share a home town.Then he makes up for list time and talks non stop giving us his entire life ,all of nine years.His wish to have a sibling and how his parents think he is more than enough as far as they are concerned.He recognized all the cars in the auto magazine and tells us which ones are bis favorite.

Solar powers scooters,men and woman in suits riding bicycles to work,even woman in skirts and high heels.

People in wheel chairs not dependent on anyone thanks to fancy powered chairs that they can drive around the city with ease,get into the metro negotiate stairs and generally live and work like the rest of us

Paying three euros for water when beer is the same price,we quickly switch to beer.

Garden shops which store so much variety and all things one may need for a garden that they can get the most die hard non gardening person to garden.


Desperately seeking vegetables other than the potato in its many avatars.

Sausages and meats in such mind boggling variety that its an insult to call myself a non vegetarian.I obviously no nothing when it comes to meat.Plenty to learn

Frankfurt airport has a flight every one and a half minutes to every corner of the world and not once in even an hour did we hear of a flight being delayed due to a teaching al fault or because an incoming flight was delayed.....in Indian as we left we heard of at least three flights delayed for the above reasons.How do they do it?

Restrooms that are clean and fragrant despite begin dry.....in contrast I had to hold my breath while using the toilets

Nice experiences in Frankfurt

Arrive in Frankfurt for a ten hour transit before we catch our connecting flight so we decide to explore the city.In the many hours we spent on flight ,in the airport and in the city there were some interesting experiences which the husband and I thought we must record.

It was the first time we had seen a child on a leash .Similar to leading a dog this kid was all over the place but his father had him on a tight leash literally.

A lady in a wheel chair had her little dog in her handbag.Only his head was out and he was a real small dog,she was trying to get him a ticket on a flight.The dog was being allowed to become cabin baggage.

The pet check in at Frankfurt airport.New to us from a country where animals are not allowed in any public place.

Out shopping in the city were a mother an daughter .The mother was around eighty and was finding it difficult to walk,her hand shook every time she needed to open her handbag,but she was well dressed and her daughter held her arm and conducted her across the streets and into shops.We had once agin had our faith in human goodness reinforced.

Mickey Mouse in Frankfurt?.Yes like in most countries here was a man dressed in a costume (looked uncomfortable and hot but it being a cool day it was fine) and entertaining kids and adults alike for a few photo ops and a few pennies.Poor man had to ask for the pennies to drop.Not very different from people all over the world.

Not knowing the language we resort to asking all manner of people to guid us.We watch while office goers all seem to tuck into a hearty soup but having no idea what it is we ask a few suits what they are eating.Its a pickled cabbage soup and while I am not sure how that will taste we go by popular demand and order it.Fantastic.

We read the menu on a small cafe in the airport and have already decided what we want for breakfast twenty days from now.Getting organized the German way.

Surprised that there is no frisking at the airport like we are used to back home.Its all something sailing from now on.When will we learn to secure our airports without all the unnecessary checking that goes on?

The immigration officer who stamped our passports was all blue eyes and blond hair and cold nazi looks.We knew we had entered Germany and i think back to those world war years.

We are browsing through duty free and this shop assistant walks up to us asking if we would like a shot of cognac.In surprise we take it and its a super surprise as the golden liquid slips down our throat

Standing on the platform to take the metro to city central we try in vain to understand the German direction when out of the blue comes a young Australian who has heard us speaking English and we slip into conversation.Nick is a young friendly chap who is half way across the world exploring on his own.He gives us a few tips he's picked up on his travels and we exchange notes.

Local Germans who help us find our trains without us asking for help

Meeting Jayant a nine year old passenger on his way to Canada and traveling alone.On the ten hour flight he and I smile at each other but don't talk.The with one hour left to end the flight the husband talks to some kid in Telugu and the little boy is all animated.He launches into his life story and won't stop.We discover that he s from the same town as the husbands parents,they seem to know all the popular haunts in that city

A walk around town

It's the fourth day of our holiday and having checked out the local markets for salad and fruit we head off to the railway station to check on our tickets for the next leg of our journey.

From the house we walk up cobbled stone roads ,past a small stream across the local river.On either side there are gardens filled with roses in a riot of color pink,red and a strange mix of orange and pink.They hang in clumps and are fragrant.We pass along and walk down a tunnel encountering a musician on the way.He is playing "Lara's theam" on a violin .Its customary to drop a few coins so we do so and head out of the tunnel and are suddenly out there amount green lawns a large lake with ducks floating on them.Huge trees dot the lawns on either side and people cycle on their way to wherever it is their are going.Mothers with children in prams amble along and dogs follow their masters on their walks.Its all peaceful and serene and one wonders how one country can alive this way while we are faced with crowds,pollution and clutter.

We reach the train station and while we sort out our tickets,another customer comes in with his dog.Animals have access into public transport and places.While he goes in the dog is told to sit outside which he does with no fuss at all.Even children in our country wouldn't be so well behaved.

Onward then across a scenic rout around town,we watch swans glide up and down river,dipping their long stately necks into the water to catch a fish or two,ducks who steer clear of the swans but manage to go their own ways.The river is muddy thanks to the rain but the banks are full of weeping willows how's branches are heavy with rain and they droop even further into the water.Uo on the bridge we are busy taking photographs of this   Pastoral   scene .Next stop to the Italian shop to check out cheese and sausages.We find cheese but not the sausages and continue on our way.All this while we see very few cars.Everyone is walking its a perfect way to get some exercise without consciously doing so.

All this walking has made us hungry s it's lunch time.We opt to eat local food but since we are clueless we leave it to our friend to choose.As we wait for our food we watch the world go by.Our friends neighbor has just got married and we watch them go by.Living in the same building one would not have imagined there was a marriage party on.Hardly any guests.This is a small party like most marriages in Germany.Around ten people make up the marriage party and they walk past the square in their wedding finery ,no fancy cars  and no fanfare.So different from the big fat Indian wedding .

The temperature has dipped suddenly and there is a nip in the air but nano thing stops people from wandering around checking out small time retailers selling all manner on items,from food to crafts.The work culture is very different here.People decide their work times so flextime while it may be a novelty in India,is common practice here, so at any given point in time people can be around and they are working people.

Having got our cultural lesson for the day we head back home to relax and catch up on conversation.

The food and wine market

The Italians and the French have arrived in tubingen.From the morning the town has been buzzing with excitement.Stalls have been put up,stall owners are busy decorating their tents and long benches and tables are  being laid out for the start of a wine,cheese and meat festival which is an annual event showcasing all produce from these countries.

By the time we arrive the place is full despite the rain.Every stall allows us to taste bits and bobs of all things available.Being a big cheese fan I am ready to sample everything but nothing prepares me for the variety of flavor that assaults my taste buds.I can taste wine,mushrooms,wild herbs,spices and sweet .Nothing prepares me for this.How does one buy anything in this place.Move over to the wine stall and we get some red wine without too much fuss thanks to our friends who are veterans of this festival.Sausage stall is next and I don't know where to start.I am given a choice of dried,smoked sausage with wild mushrooms herbs garlic and cheese.I try everything very happy that tasting is a done thing in this place.I eat a variety of hams,bacon and sausage and move on to olive oil.Now in India I have been using olive oil for years now but again the texture here is so different.To begin with the color is a typical olive green.Not too deep but more on green than yellow like the stuff we get back home.The taste us also different.Its tastes of fresh fields and meadows.It can be tasted like wine .The stall owner gives us some toast that is soaked in this oil and one taste of it and the husband is sold so one large bottle is going back home.

Out last stop is the cheese stall so we stop to taste some Parmesan cheese.The last time I bought some of this was from a supermarket and I thought it tasted fantastic but when I was giving a sample of this  I realized why people rave so much of hand made far fresh farm cheese.The cheese is so sweet,it's almost sugary with just a hint of brine.We realize finally why this cheese is far more expensive than the supermarket variety and a small slice is bought.

We come home with a variety of cheeses and oils and its back to the market for dinner.I am ready to eat mussels or oysters but by the time we finish our wine the stall closed so we settle for pasta and some pizza.All of these flavors are new to us and we mull over the taste and eat to our hearts content.The walk back home is temperature of ten degrees is also a new experience and we come home happy to have got a taste of local life in a small town in Germany.It is one more experience in my file.

country roads

A long drive is scheduled for today and it takes us through long winding country roads beautifully tarred and not a pot hole in sight.On either side the road are rolling greens and tall trees.The grass is trimmed and not a blade out of place.The only cars on the road are BMWs ,Audis and Mercedes's this is Germany after all and the speeds make me believe I am in a race track rather than a country road.

There are flower fields in the road sides and one can pick flowers of ones choice and pay for it depending on what you think it's worth.All based on trust and I think that in our country this would have meant that the poor flowers seller would be poor in no time at all.

We arrive for lunch at a Thai place and get some familiar noodles and rice all toned down to suit the bland German pallet

Our next stop is Ikea .Its our one port of call every visit just because the shop fascinates us.The displays on each floor are neat,practical and so inspiring.Add t that we can choose and write down codes then go down to the wear house
 And pick what we want.The husband is very interested in finding stuff so he is off like a dog in a rabbit chase.We haven't bought a thing simply because this time around almost all the stuff is available Ina India but the experience of this shop is what we come for.

The rain lashes down and by German autumn standards it's a crappy day but for me the cold and rain is the best thing about the place.The sloping roofs of the houses with their dormer windows and wine curling around the front door are all awash with the rain.Almost every house has window boxes overflowing with flowers of every hue.Its a visual treat and the whole picture is a picture postcard.

Our drive back is equally eventful,diversions means we take the long way around and this is like a conducted tour around the country side.The colors are all different shades of green,red,and pink.Blue skies sometimes with dark clouds lends to atmosphere.I soak it all in a file it away for when I get back.

We are worth it

The rape in Bombay of a girl has made me wonder yet again on the brutality of men in this country.This is not about sex at all,this is just a power struggle of men with small minds and cowards who cant make anything of themselves in the real world and think that this is their way of showing power.How pathetic that even in rape then need company.It shows the depravity of their minds.I have young nieces and nephews in college and school in the big cities and I wonder how they manage in this day and age.
Then I listen to television debates on what people think about it all.Yesterday there were woman who claimed that it is the business of the state to protect its woman .I agree that this is the job of the law enforcement agencies but lets face it they do nothing at all.When the state fails in its duty do we lament or decide to empower our woman.
The police force tell us every time a woman in murdered in her home that we woman shouldn't allow anyone into the house when we are alone.Haven't these people heard of single woman.Tell me if I live alone do I have to not open doors to the electrician,the plumber and all manner of other suppliers?.The stupidity of these diktats is what gets me.Get real there are few solutions to this increase in rape.But there are solutions if the government will only enforce it.
What prevent the government in punishing a rapist as fast as possible? Why is a woman's claim alone not good enough.I understand that this can lead to many misinterpretations,it can mean innocent men will go behind bars.Yes that's true but while we worry about the misuse of the law,innocent woman are being raped and should we in the interest of few good men,delay justice? The answer if obviously a big no.Quick punishment is the best deterrent for crime.Remember the rapist is a man of low self esteem,and a complex (otherwise he would be having normal sex) and fear is the only way to stop them.This is the responsibility of the government and the police
But what about the woman themselves.Once again there are solutions.When I see parents spend hours sending their girls for dance class,grooming class and when they talk fashion,marriage and beauty contests to young girls,i wonder why we stick to stereotypes.When are we going to teach our girls martial arts,self defence,high self esteem (not the kind that comes from the catwalk).When will we teach our girls that they are equal or better than the men,that they can hold their own in any field and that only they can protect themselves.When will we teach our boys that woman are equal citizens,that they have brains,opinions,and intellect and that no man has a right to a woman's body without her consent.Its about time the men in this country realised that woman are not playthings (go to the toy shop for heavens sake if you are so inclined) and are capable individuals.Unfortunately in a panel discussion on tv where the large majority were woman ,only one woman believed that her destiny was in her hands.
Ambition and career are all very well unfortunately in our country we haven't evolved to a time when a sexual abuse complaint against a boss will get the justice it requires,unfortunately the law will not protect us and the tv discussions and the media circus will not protect us.We need to protect ourselves.We are worth it.

A strange encounter

The India I know has changed so much in the last few decades and unfortunately not always for the better.My friends and I grew up in innocent times,most of our worries were about being caught by parents talking to boys from our school or neighbourhood,we worried that parents would find out that we had run off to see a movie when we had promised to be visiting friends.Those were the days when we didn't have a lan line phone let alone a mobile so there was no way we could be traced.We wandered the streets without a fear in the world.A lot of us hadn't heard of rape (except for rapeseed oil) and our newspapers didn't have rape and murder and sexual abuse as main stories.Our parents were parents not friends,they didn't dress like us and there was no question of being friends on facebook.We lost touch with our friends after college and when we did reconnect after years of being out of touch,our friendships simply started from where we had left.Not being in touch every minute of everyday did not damage our relationships,we had built rock solid ones so no worries.
Today when I read of all the rape that seems to happen and the reaction of people and the acceptance that this is how we live,I am pretty shocked.The number of times I have been in danger (as in this day and age) in my twenties would have a modern day parent worried.
I remember one such incident.My dad worked for the railways so I always travelled first class on the Indian railways.This was long before the days of air conditioned second and third class travel The first class compartment had four occupants and because my name is so unindian  (the railways never did know my sex by my name) most of the time i ended up in a compartment with all men.On the Tamil nadu express bound for Delhi I was in this situation and thought nothing of it as I had never travelled to the north and had no clue that woman in the north were in far more danger than us fortunate one in Tamil nadu (where its relatively safe).There was a man also bound for Delhi when we started the journey and another couple.Somewhere in the north the couple left and were replaced by two huge men (most people in the north are taller than us south Indians) and their friends.They entered the compartment at ten at night and were pretty drunk.Then the left and continued to drink near the toilets.While they were out my travelling companion from the start,told me that he had informed the men that I was his sister.I was truly puzzled.My name I told him would be a give away along with the fact that I spoke no Hindi and couldn't understand a word.The man insisted and told me to stick to the story for my own safety.I didn't understand what the fuss was all about and as I was ready to ask the drunks to leave (youthful bravado was a sign of our times,not knowing that rape existed and how much in danger i was) I wasn't sure but since he seems so terrified for my life and safety I decided to go along with the story.The drunks came back and i went off to sleep (fitful) and the so called brother kept watch.We got to Delhi in good time and with no harm done.What I didn't realise at that time (thanks to not understanding the language) was that the men had made comments about intentions which had got my travel companion so terrified.I never gave the incident a thought  all these years but today when I read about woman in danger I wonder who that nice man was who insisted I was his sister.I don't know which state he was from,his English was pretty bad and he wasn't sophisticated either but his heart was in the right place and maybe the fact that he was so concerned (about an innocent south India girl clueless in Delhi)  makes me remember that for all the miserable men out there who prey on helpless people simply because they don't have the guts to take on someone their own size,there are the nice people who will stand up for others protect and look out for some stranger in danger.To that nice man I salute you and may your tribe increase.

lessons from the veg

Brave attempts at food security saw me planting all kind of vegetables on my terrace.Now while they have not managed to bring down my food bill they have nevertheless taught me a few lessons.Lessons in patience,love and inter race relations.

It started with a tomato and the okra,both of them grew well and flourished until a little bug got both of them and with that all my efforts at organic farming went right out of the window.It was chemical pesticide as the bug was resistant to all manner of organic remedies.My next attempt was to grow bitter gourd and ridge gourd (both creepers)who needed a fine trellis to grow on.In the absence of any kind of prop,I spent three hours working my way with rope and twine to make a fine cris cross of trellis and there it was.Enough place for my plants to grow and flourish.The plants like me unfortunately have a mind of their own so in their own way both of then ignored my labour of love and climbed instead onto a rough wall.My morning are spent training them on to the trellis i have created.This morning however love and fresh air seem to have taken over.The gourds have now got so involved with each other that they have wound themselves against each other in a serious love knot.The husband had plenty to say about the affairs that were happening on the terrace.Now here was a true inter caste marriage if ever there was one.Same family types but different caste if one is to use the Hindu cast system as a base.As a not very amused parent (by virtue of being the grower) I tried to disentangle them but they held tight.I decided that those whom god has brought together let me not put asunder.So they continue to hug and grow and flourish.

My beans on the other hand grew beautifully considering I had tilled the soil and enriched it with all manner of organic manure.They were green and tall and beautiful until a few days ago when they wilted and I found them covered in fine dust particles.Much hosing and cleaning did nothing to them hence it was back to chemical pesticide.With a heavy heat i sprayed them and plucked out all the infected leaves and like the doctor (who prescribes antibiotics in the hope that an infection will go away ,only to find that he has to re prescribe a new set) i watch them everyday to see if the pests are back.

If anyone wonders why I don't give up on my plants when it is so labour intensive to look after them,its simple.Nothing is more fulfilling that watching little shoots become big plants,which then yield good fruit.The joy of plucking vegetable and serving them up in less than an hour from plant to table is something that any one who has taken a turn at gardening will understand.I can spend hours tending to my vegetables and have learnt so much in the last few months more than i could have by reading or attending courses.I have learnt a lesson everyday about the soil,about the behaviour of different plants,who loves the sun,who doesn't,who wants to be left alone and who wants all the attention I can offer and each of them has their own personality even the weeds.....gardening even when one has limited space is a happy pastime

Habits....die

Habits they say die hard,yet in my case habits are not even born to die naturally.I looked it up and found that if one did the same thing at the same time everyday it tends to become a habit,or just doing some routine things could become a habit.I was also told that if one exercised or did a new activity for 21 days at a stretch then it would become a habit.In the days when we poured over zodiac signs to find out what kind of persons we were or would become I was forever warned that drug abuse and alcoholism would be my downfall if I didn't watch out.I tried one but not the other but haven't become addicted to either.

In all the years that I have lived on this earth I am yet to form a habit,consoling myself of being unique or extraordinary or an exception to the rule is actually some rubbish rationalization,the face of the matter is that laziness is so strong in me that sticking to a routine is just too much.

let me tell you of my numerous attempts at forming habits.I told myself that when i finally hung up my boots and quit the rat race,then I would sack the maid ,do all the housework like my sisters in western countries,exercise everyday and generally loose weight and become some kind of super woman.Well not exactly super (that would have been too aspirational even for me)....well I did sack the maid,i do do all the work at home and i do exercise pretty often,but what drives me is not habit forming ,it a whole lot of guilt and dirt.I started off rather well.In my enthusiasm for new found goals,i swept and wiped the house and dusted and cleaned and cooked like there was no tomorrow.Then i discovered that i didn't have to slog so much so i cleaned once in two days,then it became one a week,then one thing or the other and it became cleaning day when the dirt got too much even for me....so much for habit forming ....Now i am back to twice a week but cant stick to my timetable of cleaning days.Why is it that on cleaning day mornings,I develop a cold (me who never gets a cold) or I end up feeling so tired that i cant lift the broom?( laziness rears its ugly head).The the exercise.....i have an exercise buddy (if it wasn't for her I would do nothing) .the thing about doing things with people is that one is forced not to let down the other side,there is a certain responsibility that comes into the picture so since it will be my turn to pick her up for yoga class,guilt will make sure that at the first ring of the alarm I am out and about.Now the funny part....for years now i have been waking up at 5am to go for a walk or a swim or for yoga.One would imagine that by now my mind and body were conditioned to be awake at that time.Ha so much for conditioning or learning theory.I am no Pavlov dog,my brains refused to be conditioned.Hence like this morning (forgot the fix an alarm) the phone was in one room and me in another hence no alarm bells went off.I was in deep slumber well after the appointed hour and even guilt took a back seat(the friend was left high and dry thanks to me sleeping the sleep of the dead).The husband who is a prime candidate for conditioning and who will get up at 5.15 sharp a full fifteen minutes before his alarm goes off (he has been doing so for just over a month as opposed to my years) work me up to ask why I was sleeping when the friend was waiting for me.Deep slumber is not a good place to have a conversation with me so in half sleep i dashed off a short message on the phone to said friend saying i couldn't make it.Without the aid of my glasses I wonder what the message was (some garbled rubbish no doubt) but said friend would have understood and there i was back to sleep only to wake up to find the husband gone and the clock showing a good 9am.Scrambling out of bed i dashed about watering my plants,making some tea deciding meals etc until the husband came back having has breakfast outside.
So much for habit forming....is that a good thing that my habits don't take birth,well looks like its fine considering i have lead a sober life despite the naysayers and looking at the bright side,how boring may i have been if everything ran according to plan?...for now i like to see myself as extraordinary and fun so habits well.....we keep at them even the good one in the hope that in some unpredictable future I will wake up at dawn without the aid of an alarm clock,exercise everyday and keep a neat house and end up being the super woman i have read so much about....until then its back to bed....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Visa,dosa and scraps

Today was the day we had an interview with the German embassy for a visa.Honestly the number of times we have to go to various agencies with proof that we have enough money to take a holiday,that we wont stay back in Germany and become a burden to the German economy etc its all a bit much.Seriously is there someway i can become British ,it may allow me to travel without the red tape but of course that's impossible and lets face it can i imagine myself in England earning a living?...i think not.

Now the fun part of all this is that we go armed with proof and more proof ,we get up early to make it on time to the embassy.We remember are dealing with the Germans who we all believe live by a time table and schedule,are known for their efficiency etc etc.So we are told to be there ten minutes before the time allotted to us.We make it in fifteen.We are frisked at the entrance and ushered into an ultra cool room except that this one looks a bit like a prison in some third rate Hollywood blockbuster.The counters (there are four) are shut and the only way one can talk to the person on the other side is to pick up the wall phone.We wait and as the minutes tick by our impatience grows.The husband is ready to burst a blood vessel at the delay and I do my best to keep him calm.Finally fifteen minutes after our allotted time the counter opens.Please note only one out of the four is open and there are already some twenty people waiting.The the slow process of asking questions begins.Its a full forty five minutes before we are called.Then we are asked some questions that have already been asked by the previous agency.Now tell me why reinvent the wheel and do the same job twice?.Funny how they ask the husband where he works,then looking at me she ask if i work (please note no where i work,so i guess some gender issues rears its head here) no I say and its accepted.Some more paper pushing and we are done.Now why exactly were we called when all the paper work had already been done.Oh yes the best part is that the person who decided if we get a visa or not,hasn't even seen us.So much for German efficiency.We come away deeply disappointed and cant help comparing this experience to the UK visa process.Efficient and effective they have systems in place that take minimum time if the paper work is in order and things move fast and easily.Small wonder then that they resist being part of the EU so much.

All the red tape has given us a serious appetite so off we go to the local joint to get some breakfast.No parking at nine in the morning and having to put up with a surly attendant has us loosing our appetite so we drive away to the next place only to be greeted by an affable chap and pleasant people who smile and are welcoming.We place our orders and the husband is in the mood for chit chat but i have my back to a couple who are in the middle of a seriously good scrap.Considering the voice levels I signal to the husband that i have become part of a far more interesting conversation and while he tucks into his vada and sambar i keep my ears peeled to the scrap that's going on behind me.Its like reading a book,the girl accused the boy of seeing some one if office who she thinks is up to no good.How can he not stand up to her,why does he have to have anything to do with her etc etc and in that vein it goes on in Tamil and English.The boy obviously is used to dealing with this on an everyday basis and steers the conversation to safer areas.Before my dosa arrives they are laughing about something and all is forgotten,so I turn my attention back to the attention starved husband and we continue to trash the German embassy and its silly practises.

Two hours of life in the city has given us enough fun for a day hence the need to write about it.Will I get to Germany eventually?.....only time and the German embassy will tell

Normal people fine examples

Ever since I have become a stay at home,I make it a point to go out at least once a day not too far but just around the neighbourhood to look at things to see changes and to enjoy myself.Every journey has a lesson or a truth to uncover but I don't always record them but sometimes a thing just hits me so I do.

For sometime now I have been witness to a lot a hatred between people based on religion and politics or gender and it disturbs me this trend.When I was growing up in this multicultural country we went to christian schools and colleges.In my day they were the majority when it came to educational institutions.We never once saw children as Hindu,christian or Muslim.They were just children and we were friends.We never worried about safety,we didn't worry about being raped,or killed or kidnapped.We were told not to speak to strangers,to always use well lit streets,to always look both sides of the road before crossing and to never lie,cheat or speak ill of people.Simple common sense,I thought.But obviously the world as I know it has changed.On facebook I shudder at the kind of hatred and venom that is unleashed at people because of their religion or politics.The one sightedness of our debates disturbs me because it means we have lost our ability to empathise and to appreciate our differences.Unfortunately the more affluent the more intolerant,the educated people seem to be worse off than the rest.Which is why i see simplicity and togetherness in people who don't have much.

Yesterday for instance I was driving by a slum (a lower middle class community that was once a very poor slum) and there was a woman fast asleep on the side of the road with not a care in the world.She was sleeping the sleep of the very tired.In madras she also slept without fear.I wondered if she had done the same in Delhi.Wouldn't she have been gang raped and then the action justified as "she was asking for it".I sent up a silent prayer for living in this city.Then I went for  a swim and in the pool was a father and son.The boy is around 18 and mentally challenged,but his father comes every single day to swim with him for an hour.Such dedication and the boy enjoys it.Well as we went about doing our laps,the boy came very close to me almost within bumping distance.Since this is a common occurrence when the pool is crowded,I moved away despite hearing the father telling him to shake hands.I wasn't sure what he was trying to communicate so i went away but turned around as I thought I has missed some communication.The boy actually wanted to shake hands,it was some form of communication and me with my education didn't get it.The coach on the other hand who is around twenty saw this and swam over and shook the boys hands and was so gentle and understanding (despite being in the middle of coaching a class) that I waited to see what happened.The boy was obviously overjoyed and I continued to swim albeit a little ashamed of myself.On the way back through the same slum there was biryani being prepared by some Muslims,the Hindus waited patiently for a taste and a christian was being buried in a funeral a few feet away.Another example of communities living together and dying together.Recently a Muslim shopkeeper lost all his earnings when his shop was gutted in a fire in the early hours of the morning.The neighbours,one a builder and another a government official turned up to help him get back on his feet with an interest free loan,christian,Muslim and Hindu helping each other simply because they are neighbours.I emphasise the religion because we tend today to always talk of minorities in derogatory tones and as being non Indian.The people who rise in politics today are those that pursue rabid doctrine and disharmony and unfortunately we the so called educated elite fall prey to it most of the time.My forays into my neighbourhood continue to teach me that the differences exist only in the minds of the petty few but to the people who care to go out and have a look there is goodness in people if only we choose to see and learn and appreciate.I have lived in this city all my life but I can say without doubt that this city has a lot more to offer than hate or communal discord.small wonder then that I love living here.

Living a miserable life

for years now I have fought an ideological battle with my mother and am yet to score a point.Clinging like a limpet to petty differences,so called slights and imagined grievances are my mothers forte.She holds long standing grudges and cant go beyond them to even forgive or forget.Yes she will never remember the good things of life ,the happy moments,the joys.For her its always been about negatives.Its a long and loosing psychological battle that leaves me drained.I wonder why I even bother but to see such negativity irks me.I cant imagine being 83 and not remembering a single good thing in life.She keeps count of all the good things she has done for others and then laments that nothing good came to her.Never mind that she lives in happiness and in a stress free environment while many people of her age we know are in old age homes and forgotten by their children.They learn to accept but my mother hates it when I come up with alternatives.She knows that I have a point but is too proud to accept it.Comparisons have been another great asset in her life.From the time i was a child she told me how every other child was better than me in every way.Not once did I receive praise for anything.Till today my mother will lament the fact that she doesn't have a son to look after her (never mind that most sons we know have no time for their mothers).She has one set of rules for men and another for women.My mother will be happy to see all woman covered from heat to toe and sitting at home.She would like every young woman who has lost a husband to moan in self pity and shut themselves up.She has no sympathy for the brave and the ones who get on with life.Its a sad commentary on the life of a woman who has so much going for her.Everything is about her and her life.All comparisons will come back to how good she has been and how miserable her life has been.I wonder is this what keeps her going.Will positive emotions kill her because its all so alien a concept for someone whose way of life is to wallow in self pity.To live in the past is my mothers greatest virtue (at least  according to her).Everyday I battle with this attitude.I have made small headway in the many years that I have lived with her.My only course of action thank god is to be everything that she is not.To see life as it is with all its faults,to enjoy the moments,the share the sorrow,to escape into fantasy if need be but for the life of me I refuse to hold on to grudges,to constantly tell myself I am not good enough.Facts have no meaning for my mother,its all about conditioning of an extreme kind.Its sad to see people waste their lives to see them spend all energy of being miserable.Will the god who provides ever forgive?I wonder and while I still have life I will use every weapon to fight this attitude.Some day somewhere I hope to see results.

I dream a dream

Its blazing hot outside and this is the worst time to be in this city.Its hot and tempers are frayed,people are tired and there is no end in sight.Till around September we will complain and cry over our fate but we do this every year and the sun doesn't listen.
I dream a dream every summer .While i lie on the floor (cant use a bed or mattress as it will leave one in a pool of sweat) trying to beat the heat,I dream of a little cottage in the hills.It will have a large expansive kitchen with an array of pots and pans.It will constantly smell of sweet herbs,hot soups and the rich smell of baking.The garden will have the finest of vegetables all organic all grown by me according to the seasons.I can see myself with a big hat on my head,tilling the soil,planting seeds,weeding and then gathering them all into the kitchen to make meals that will have friends and family asking for more.The cottage will have a large terrace deck surrounded on all sides by flowers of all colours.It will be my evening retreat from where i will watch the sun go down on the valley.There will be strong cups of tea and cake to see me through sunset.
Evening will be spent in front of a roaring fire in a comfortable chair with a great book in hand.At my feet a dog or two.The husband is very much part of the picture and he is the one to whom i will turn for a nice long chin wag at the end of the day.The fire will be fed with twigs and leaves which the husband and i will gather as we take a stroll in the crisp morning air,listening to birds singing in the bushes.The village will provide the milk and chickens and the trip to the market should be the highlight of the week.
And as I dream this dream the sun goes down on another hot day and its time to wake up and make the best of the evening and then  to sleep in an air conditioned room for what we city people hope is an uninterrupted rest.

Reality

Reality,what does it mean?.For me its the everyday living which involves so much of myself and other people.Its shared joys,sorrow,pain,conversations and all of life as its thrown at me everyday.Some days are dull with nothing much happening and others leave me so tired that I cant think.Some are just so much fun that one knows its not an everyday event.Some are just so unpredictable that I am left wondering what happened.But the long and short of it is that its many emotions and many facets.
Someone I know sends me regular updates on all that she does and to me it seems like one long party.This person is never called upon to do anything that is in anyway emotionally taxing or unpleasant.All that is required is to be there and enjoy the things that are thrown at her.From the outside it looks like there are no responsibilities or demands.Perhaps that's the image she projects and the reality is very different.I find it strange that one can go through life without taking responsibility.Then again what is responsibility.Does doing only what one wants to do and not any more make one responsible?.I asked many people this question and found many interesting outcomes and reactions.Some one told me that some of them keep such a tight hold on emotions that it is no longer a feeling.It means that one becomes detached and unemotional.While some people are proud of this I believe it leads to emotional poverty.Can we subdue out emotions so much that we become machines?.
Today I heard of a person dying,alone and unconscious and in the final stages.A life well led in that the person took responsibility for her life,didn't impose on anyone emotionally or financially and while I admire the person I wonder when I look at some others who acts helpless and unsure....and get all the attention and love and comforts....is it all worth it.Does anyone appreciate you for being independent or is one leaving oneself open to being ignored and uncared for?
I have the time to mull over thing,to look at peoples lives to understand what it take and the conflicting images are all confusing.Some people lead lives living their own reality and in the process hurt others and don't care,others live in a reality that involves so much of themselves and it leaves them drained and tired.I am still finding my own reality but for now I am happy to laugh ,cry and rant and rave.To me being emotionally aware is as important as being intellectually aware.It completes life.Its holistic and that for now is real.

The Goldilocks syndrome

We live in a three bedroom apartment with three baths which is convenient all around,for guests,for us and for my mom.The thing is the mother lives in one room and has it done up her style,the master bedroom belongs to the husband and i (me being the minority partner....i get the TV remote after he falls asleep) and the third one is for guests.
The mother and husband are territorial creatures so there is no way you will find them in any bedroom other than the ones they belong to.Me ? I am the Goldilocks of this house so I change beds at random.You see I am king of referee in the house.I play wife daughter independent thinker etc etc so my role dictates my choice of rooms.
When the mother is under the weather I need to sleep on her spare bed.Not a comfortable compromise for either of us.In the heat of an Indian summer I need the air conditioning at full blast,the fan at the highest speed and I am fine.My mom has other ideas.Her idea of cozy night is to lock and bar all windows,turn the fan to lowest speed,leave a night light on (this one is as good as daylight,no dim lighting here) and she is fine.Now we have worked out a mid way path (after emotional blackmail of varying degrees) that the windows remain open to allow fresh air and the fan can be at mid speed.Enough incentive for her to get better just to get me out of the room.
The master bedroom as you may have guessed is ruled over by the master (yes the husband gets first rights on the TV remote.)Here the rules are different.If the man is on an austerity drive or on his latest project of saving the earth,then the air conditioning is ditched,the fan will run at full speed and the windows remain open.Needless to say yours truly will bake in silence.Of course as equal partner to this room my will will prevail and the air conditioning will come on but please note it will be on economy mode.Here the rules are different,he watches TV till he falls asleep and i read a book always.My side of the bed is stacked with books.At all times when the husband is in residence the choice of reading is gruesome murder,spine chilling thrillers and anything scary.I am a big goose so I need the husband there so i can scare myself safely.The moment he leaves town the choice of books will turn to the mushiest of romances.I am convinced that no romance can scare me so I gobble up a lot of mush and stay happy.
Like I said I am a bit of a nomad so when the husband is out of town the master bedroom seems like not a very nice place so I relocate to the guest bedroom.Now this room has TV,music Internet access and air conditioning that is turned to the bed so I can freeze if I want to.This is by far the most liberating room in thi s house.The music will be at highest volume (the mothers hearing is not what it used to be so no objections there) the TV will also be on and I can watch mindless TV news and get all worked up so if I am too bored then I will skype to friends far and wide.
This access to all areas comes with its own pitfalls.Invariably after a stint in any bedroom for longer than a week and I am a confused piece of work.So clothes will stay in one room,towels may be in any bathroom (invariably I have a bath and then realise that there is no towel in the room)...soap is always missing  and the long and short of it is that I end up with half baths that need to be finished off in the bathroom of origin.Today was one such day hence the post.All round confusion and with cricket in full form ( I haven't the faintest idea about this game despite being Indian) and having forgotten to stack up on books (cant read in bed in my moms room which is where i was resident the past few days) here I am pouring out my confused existence to  anyone who finds it interesting. And now to bed.

Weddings and summer

Much is happening in the neighbourhood.The trees are full of mangoes,the cats are in heat,weddings are in the offing and the heat is killing.Its that Indian summer when people actually get married in front of sacred fires and yours truly has to be in attendance.
The fun of functions in India are that they are all grand productions,lasting a few days.Everyone dresses in the best silk that money can buy never mind if one is melting slowly in the heat that it creates.Gold is the choice of jewellery and flowers,plenty of them adorn the hair,the home and whatever else.
Our neighbours have wedding in their homes and we have been invited .The husband gets away in jeans and shirt but I have to unearth a silk saree.Now luckily for me I don't have too many and the ones I have are thin silks but nevertheless I am now ready to get soaked.The air will be humid,mingling with the scent of jasmine,incense,and stale sweat.The idea is always to go just in time for dinner,wish the couple and vanish as fast as one can into the welcoming air conditioning of the car.But as duty goes one just has to do this.
Oh how I wish all wedding has to be in the so called winter or at least when the sun had cooled his heals for the better part of the year.How I wish the sacred fires would be replaced with electricity,how I wish the guest dress code was come as you are.....hmmm but I live in a country where the majority has three day wedding as opposed to the one hour church weddings I am used to.I live in a country where woman love to show off their jewellery and the more the merrier,were saree buying is a fine art (the one I have never mastered).I live in a county where the joys of marriage start with noise,fire and loads of family....and as I continue to live here i am off to tie five yards of silk around myself,prepare myself to smile at everyone and hold on to the shreds of dignity despite the sweat pouring down my face.Fortune favours the brave and so does a good meal and goodwill so for the next three hours I will suffer in silence and let the neighbour's know that I mean well...

The germ of an idea

Working for someone and working for oneself are two completely different experiences.For the better part of my life I worked for a company,loved it,hated it,got fed up and quit when I figured I could manage on my own.For the last five years I have been on my own doing things I like,not earning any money but at peace all the same.

When one takes responsibility for someone else it can be a bigger job than a sales target hanging over ones head so for all the years that I looked after my dad and mom I grappled with the demands of looking after old people.Quiet like children they need a lot of special attention and one can get a bit impatient and hopeless once in a while.The experiences of most of my friends in similar situations is that medical care for the elderly in this country is pathetic.In a country obsessed with youth and a population in billions,the elderly and the handicapped both get the wrong end of the stick.Gone are the days when doctors visited patients at home,made housecalls and actually knew their customers.Nowadays the banks know more about us than the doctors.

My mother recently had mobility problems and having searched high and low for a doctor to come home I gave up.It seems we have to live with the problem and not do a thing about it.Her doctor being the gem that she is is trying very hard to give us some support and I am so grateful to her for just trying.Which set me thinking.Having worked for so many years I do have a pretty decent hold of my ideas.I know how to make a business plan,know how to plan things etc.So the germ of an idea comes to me.I need to get down and dirty ,get organised and get hold of a network of doctors and nurses who can and will commit to doing house calls.I want a group of volunteers who can look out for old people in their neighbourhood and I need to work this thing through.

Will the idea take off?.I don't know but having called a couple of services I did find that they were way out of the reach of ordinary people like me.Most old people live on pensions or on the grace of their children who most often than not don't have the time for them.The organisations that exist are for the rich or the very poor.The middle class as usual are left behind.My intentions are good but will they find a voice?.Will I come up against official red tape or what?.Only time will tell but I have an agenda.I am thinking that the church will be my first port of call.Then some well meaning friends,then some more people.Gardening has taught me some patience so I hope this idea will find fruit.If I cant learn from my experience and help people like me cope then life is a wasted exercise.All help and suggestions of course are taken on board.

Those were the days

There was a time very long ago when a lady walked up to me and told me that my face was so peaceful that she was fascinated.She went on to tell me that faces reflect all the things that happen to us in life and she thought that the troubles and trials of this world had not got to me as yet.Looking back I remember that was the age of innocence for me.I took everything at face value,I didn't worry about a lot of things and I had my friends who also just went along with the flow.It was my first job after college and I was paid peanuts by the standards of that time and this but it didn't bother me for money wasn't such a big deal.I had learned to live on very little so didn't have too many needs.
Today many years later I look back on my life and wonder when it all changed.Did age and responsibility catch up?.Did my face change with the years.I have that constant worried look about me,I am surprised when someone from my past tells me that I was the most stress free person alive,I listen in amazement when people tell me I used to laugh a lot.Where did that me go I wonder.
First there was the job,the parents were still young,the father was still working so I had a good time,then he retired,slowly I watched the parent grow old,their anxieties became mine,the roles reversed.Suddenly I had the responsibility of looking after them alone.No support systems,no one to talk to about the problems.Then the years passed and things don't get better,they just get worse.In between I got married,fifteen years later I think that perhaps that's what kept me going.A happy relationship is a huge plus point.Suddenly I had someone to share my problems with,someone who understood.But happiness is something we need to find everyday,life is not easy its gets to you,and strength comes from dealing with it,looking at the positives and learning to take what comes,letting go.I pray hard,which is very silly,what does praying hard mean?.You need to pray and leave it to god,trust that the god who looks after you knows how much you can take and let go.Easier said than done....so I pray and I worry and i think god must despair about me.Why cant she let go he may wonder but i wonder the same.Today I am also growing old,suddenly there are aches and pains,the people I know are becoming grandparents .I know far too many people on the wrong side of 80 and most of them need care.Its not nice to know what old age can bring.Its a constant reminder of the troubles that the old face and yet in this country we have no infrastructure for the old.Doctors no longer make house calls so the infirm will have to languish in their misery.Not the most positive environment to grow old in.Today I sleep well a few days in a week and even that is a bonus and this for a person who could sleep for ever.Don't get me wrong I am not the only one with problems.almost all my friends have their own issues so where did those carefree days go?....i cant recall but i must make an effort.I must keep the dream alive,the dream of beautiful places,beautiful things and a life well lived...this is my prayer today to see things not as they are but what i can take away from every lesson life throws at me...will i get there?That's any body's guess