loss and learning

Life is so complicated.One day is a fun evening with girl friends,the next day the same people get on ones nerves.Then the next day someone you love but never bothered to acknowledge dies and suddenly one wonders if one did say all the things that needed to be said.

There is something final about death but our customs can get in the way.Christians bury the dead and for us that alone ensures that the end is never really so final.The Hindus burn their dead and all that left is ashes thrown into some sacred river and gone forever.I always thought that was a crazy practise.I couldn't imagine setting fire to someone ones loves but today after visiting the cemetery(something I avoid doing) I realised that burying the dead makes it a lot more difficult to forget.For us a visit to the grave is like a visit to that person.On festivals we leave flowers,on holidays we go to talk to a stone because in our hearts and minds the person is there.Its never really over.For me my father is still very much in the neighbourhood and I cannot let go.Every visit is a reminder of the many memories some good some bad but most of all a deep sadness,an emotion that one doesn't need,but cannot rid oneself of.Was cremation a better option.I am not sure,would I regret that there is nothing lasting to go to.Would I feel better?.I think not because at the end of the day,a loss is still a loss and we are all victims of our faith and our upbringing so we cling to the little things in life and go back to the past and relive times and we will never forget.The fact of the matter is that parents are not people we forget or stop missing.Every act is a memory of things learnt of things we hated doing but were forced to and for which we are grateful because in their wisdom they taught us many things and now we realise the depth of what was taught.Maybe it wasn't something one learnt to appreciate at the time but it takes loss to understand somethings but I wish there was a better way