Getting back

Its almost close to travel dates and my mind goes blank.A year of my own company has made me very much of a recluse,happy with my books and my space.Now I have to take a flight half way around the world because i choose to take a holiday,but the butterflies in my stomach will put any butterfly garden to shame.I am a nervous traveller and a bad travel companion,while the rest of the passengers sleep,i will be wide awake.My suitcase is a mess because i cant seem to plan how many clothes to take.Why cant i relax,why cant i enjoy the moment.Its depressing really that my mind is a total blank,that i worry that my replacement (sister in this case to look after the mother) may not arrive in time and that my mother will have to take all the responsibility of running the house.Its insane for a woman who has travelled to Europe in the past with not a single friend in those parts.I still remember the day i hitched a ride in Paris of all places at some odd hour in the night.I wandered around the streets of Paris with a map in hand and found my self lost in the suburbs and didn't stress myself out.I remember asking in french for directions from two terribly drunk chefs somewhere in a village on the outskirts of Paris.Walking back from a late night movie and getting lost in the metro but finding myself on a busy street again,and walking back to my hotel.Was that me?.Whatever happened to my adventurous spirit.I believe that years of being part of a couple has made me soft.I love not having to take responsibility but its about time I took charge again.I promise myself that I shall explore the world again,I shall not stress and I shall once again live life on my terms.Sometimes regression can be a positive thing.