Men I love

I have wondered if its possible to love more than one man at a time and have come to the conclusion that it is possible.It is also possible to love many men besides the husband except that love is of so many kinds that few people appreciate how one can love different people at different times and actually be friends with the opposite sex and be happy.So I went through my long list of friends and decided that there are a few men out there in the friends list who matter and who mean a lot to me.I have known most of them for at least twenty years or more so these are long standing relationships and the reasons why they still stand the test of time is because each of these men have always been the best friends that one can possibly ask for.
So lets start with a few commonalities among them,for starters I found to my amazement that they were all chubby chaps and a few wore spectacles.Why was this so striking I don't know,did I choose them deliberately ?....no i didn't,I met each of them at different points in life so its probably just co incidence.Another striking feature of all is that the husband is the complete antitheses of all these men(which is probably why he is the husband).

The first of them I met soon after I started working.It wasn't the brightest start to friendship.He came on too strong,looked too self assured and just wasn't going to get the better of me.But the chap soon realised that his usual "woman will fall for this" attitude wasn't washing with the likes of me.Then of course he changed tactics and became down to earth management trainee who was there to learn so "yes mam your the boss"etc etc.Well I taught him whatever I thought he needed to know on the job and after the first week the uneasy start had blurred and we actually found that we enjoyed the same pass times,had a very happy ,laid back look on life and could be friends with each other simply because we had gotten under each others skin.The fun part really was that the chap thought he was the Indian version of Casanova and truly believed that all the women were waiting to fall into his arms(he still believes it despite being married for over 15 years and is probably being introduced to his sons girlfriends).He made it his business to flirt with each and every woman who came his way and I must give the devil his due that his charm worked on most of them.Of course when either of us wanted to get rid of a fatal attraction we pretended to be an item and that always bailed us out of tricky situations.He left at the end of four weeks and in the absence of mobile phones and email,we managed to keep in touch through snail mail and the occasional visits.Till today we don't call each other that much ,we hardly email each other nor do we visit,but on the rare chance that either of us is in ones city we meet for lunch and those gaps in our life no longer exist.Its a friendship that has stood the test of time and there is a certainty that when we are really down and out we only have to call.

The next person is who i call my little teddy bear.When I first saw him my instant reaction was to ask him how old he was.There he was all chubby cheeks,mischief in his eyes and neatly pressed clothes.His blazer buttons were polished to high sheen so much so that we could touch up our lipstick with the use of his buttons.His shoes were polished as only he can,hair neatly combed and with a smart grin on his face he sauntered into my life.A stickler for everything to be pukka,he didn't think much of my shoulder length earrings or my glass bangles,but as he didn't have much of a choice he turned charming.His biggest strength was his old fashioned ways.He would actually open doors for me,make sure i was always comfortable when he was around and I actually allowed him to "aunty " me at regular intervals.He was and is just too cute for words.
We went for french classes together and I would need help with his french,only because he was thinking up the most romantic sentences to tell the pretty teacher when it was his turn.She in turn was very amused and indulged him.
The other big quality of this chap was his ability to hold his drink,the boy could start at two in the afternoon and continue late into the night and still walk straight while half the party was ready to crawl.He is the only one who can get me to drink large Bacardi's and not flinch.I trust his abilities as bar tender.
When he met with a tragic accident which had us all shaken up,the boy actually encouraged us to visit him and had his bedroom turned into a bar and would serve us stuff lying in bed.I remember introducing him to a friend of mine(they were so alike,I just knew they would get along) and years later there I was in the same city with these two men and I(who was the common link) was completely ignored while they carried on a conversation over my head.
We don't call,we don't email but again this is a friendship that is still one very close one and to this day the boy will cringe when we sees me in public as he still lives in fear that i will pull his cheeks in public and tell him what a nice little teddy bear he is.

The third person who I met many years after the first two was an instant friendship.I had found a soul mate.Its very rare to find someone who one can relate to instantly but he was there one minute a stranger and an hour later a friend.For one our fathers worked for the same organization so we had a lot in common,for another,he had the transport and I had the connections so we became a team.He was always well dressed(very important as far as I am concerned) smelled wonderful (his sister abroad sent him the latest perfumes and the boy used them like there was no tomorrow)which was rare when we could just about afford some cheap perfume on the salary we got.
He lived close to the office so his house was always the place to hang put in if it all got too much.Being in each others company a lot meant that his mother soon started giving me lunch and everyone else seemed to think we were an item(which we were not but it gave us some fun to let people do the guessing)The boy was a snooker player and introduced me to soggy vegetable cutlets at the railway club and also to his friends (not a very attractive bunch but one ended up being the husband).He was a regular Sunday visitor to our house and was soon charming the parents and becoming part of my friends circle.
For many years long after we both married different people,there were many people who assumed we had married each other.(i still wonder why we gave anyone that impression or was it a good cover for who we were both actually going around with).
To this day I don't trust the boy behind the wheel of a car,he is what one might call a reckless young urn.The one big bond though is food,we both love to cook and our respective spouses don't.We think so alike that we could piece a story together by filling in the gaps in each others account and making a complete fabric,we are both a little paranoid,a little guarded in our ways and love to bitch and imagine the worst possible situations.To this day,if my cribbing of a situation got too much for the husband he would insist that I pick up the phone and talk to this friend and only he will understand what goes on in my head.
We flirt outrageously with each other and if it wasn't for our spouses and friends knowing us the way they do,we may have both been in serious trouble.The boy has been called upon to help in the strangest circumstances.Newly married,the husband being a bit of a fuss pot,I had to call on the friend(he is also the husbands best friend though we met long before the husband and I met)to actually bring the husband down to earth and then take him to the hospital where the husband proceeded to slap the doctor and friend and I realised to our horror that the doctor and his sister were friends of ours and we had a lot of explaining to do on the behaviour of the husband.This is the chap I will call up when I need to check the plot of some hair brained scheme that I have in mind,he is the one who knows when the husband and i have had a scrap(chances are that he has both sides of the story by then).This is a chap I will call at any time of the day or night if I need to be picked up from airport of hotel of if I am simply at a loose end.This is also the one friend with whom I can have major arguments,stop talking to and ignore when I am mad at him but like the other two this is a relationship that has been around for a long long time.

I can only think of three men besides the husband that mean so much to me and for whom I would stand up for and love and fight for because when I count my friends these are the most precious of men friends that I will ever have.

Hells kitchen

Who in their right mind agrees to cook for twenty complete strangers(not all but some,and all friends of sibling) in a kitchen that's as new to one as any place on the moon and to be cooking in a house renowned for its excellent food and the cooking skills of the woman of the house.Well I just did.Recklessness takes over or is it an inflated sense of self....call it what you will but the die was cast and the deed committed.The only sensible think I did was to volunteer the deed on the last day of my stay there knowing fully well that by the time the food was digested and hopefully no one got killed...i would have reached the safety of the plains.The worst that could possibly happen would be that the twenty people would think much more of the siblings cooking and my reputation could be in shreds(considering i don't go so often it would all be forgotten by my next trip).Or they may choose to stay clear of the house the next time I was around.All in all after weighing the pros and cons it didn't seen like too bad an idea.My sister convinced me that they were all nice people and good friends so with that comforting thought(they can forgive and forget even if they were poisoned but lived to tell the tale.What are good friends for anyway)I set about delegating work to the maids to cut and chop all the ingredients while i took afternoon tea in the company of some pretty curious monkeys
The menu was simple biriyani and salad but for starters we had to substitute butter for ghee and zucchini for cucumber,but cooking is all about variety its about being innovative and learning to substitute without compromising flavour.The problem really is having to work in a kitchen one is not familiar with so a lot of time goes just looking for things(solution being that one should arrange all in order before starting but that's not me).
Two hours later having browned the onions to a lovely shade of rust,the aroma wafted out of the house and into the clear mountain air and I had a feeling that perhaps all would be fine.Just as the last of the ingredients had cooked and the fires had been turned down the guests arrived(the hill people are very pucca on time)
In the hills unlike the plains when people are invited for dinner,it means exactly that,so there are no starters or the silly drinks that go around,everyone arrives and sits at table and dinner is on its way.
The food served and I waited with bated breadth to see the reaction.Slowly they returned for second helpings with appreciative sounds and a few compliments (they are very well mannered people so one cant really take everything at face value).The expressions on their faces said one of two things.Here were a bunch of people so hungry and starved that they would eat anything or I am such a good chef and this is the real McCoy.
Second helpings later one child(young enough to still be innocent) actually asked her mother to get the recipe from me for as she declared....this was simply superb.Out of the mouth of babes they say.....so i hung up my apron a very satisfied cook at a dish well turned out and some very appreciative people who promised to come back for the visit the next time i was around....not bad for starters.

paths less travelled

Its called the queen of the hill stations and was the summer retreat of the erstwhile British when they ruled the Madras presidency.Ooty the once quaint hill town had now become a bustling hill station promoted aggressively by the government which results it it turning into a crowded little town with loads of cars and buses( which ought to be in the plains)converging on its narrow roads and polluting an otherwise idyllic environment.The summer season is packed with flower shows,rose shows,dog shows and anything else that is willing to go on display.
To the unfortunate tourist visiting this place it could mean a trip on crowed trains only to arrive at a hill station that's packed to the gills with people of similar fates and to wind up in equally crowded hotels and to shop for souvenirs and home made chocolates (once a speciality of the place ...now a mass industry).Of course one can walk the botanical gardens after paying a tidy sum as entrance fee and enter the place only to be assaulted again by a sea of humanity.
For the more fortunate ones like us with family and friends the Queen of the hill stations can still pass off for a princess.....we see the less crowded,more beautiful Ooty that's hidden from the public eye.To begin with to live inside the botanical gardens is a huge plus...to be able to enter the gardens with the hoards and part ways immediately into a quiet and wonderful wonderland of tall trees and singing birds in another plus and when the urge to see the flowers takes over we simply have to take a path less travelled and enter the gardens through a back entrance that's private and not crowded.
Our daily walks took us into town or to visit tea estates in places like glenmorgan where civilization and crowds are far too distant to worry about,so we lunch under the shade of large trees and sip our after lunch cups of green tea and listen to the birds sing and enjoy our conversations while the dogs wander around and bask in the afternoon sun.The only excitement is when a herd of cows decide to taste the grass of a well kept lawn and wander into our lunch discussion which then has to be stoped to shoo them away.
On less hectic days we laze in the afternoon sun on the terrace of the house lounging on the warm cement and looking up to blue skies and tall trees waiting for our afternoon cakes and tea to arrive.
Our trips to Lovedale takes us to holiday homes with gardens that are a riot of colour and blooming in every shade of the rainbow.Afternoon tea sipped while looking out on the wast expanse of tea gardens and playing with an adorable cocker spaniel are experiences that no tourism department can ever offer.
We meet hill people who are kind and welcoming which is so refreshing after all the city life.They always come with offerings of fruits or vegetables or just little things from home gardens.The pleasure of eating fresh fruits that have been handpicked and seasonal is enough to make anyone feel fresh and healthy.
To those of us fortunate enough to take the road less travelled.....this is an experience to wait for.

Our reckless holiday

Taking a 76 year old mother (who by the way has not steped out of her house in the last 30 years)on holiday is a reckless thing to do,especially if the mother is mine.For starters she hates meeting people,secondly once she has settled down in a place(very difficult for her as there are loads of likes and dislikes) then she does not want to be disturbed (she had made herself at home in my place after two difficult months).Well knowing all this well I still took her on holiday to Ooty no less.From the blinding heat of Chennai to the high altitudes of Ooty is a pretty wide spectrum,so I concluded that I am an unacknowledged suicidal personality or reckless or just plain stupid to not see the enormity of what I had undertaken.Oh well guess I will never learn or learn the hard way all the time.
Of course i took the precaution of taking my nephew and his wife along.The boy fulfills the mother's need to have a man around(very important in her scheme of things and in mine too as the boy in question is calm,collected and has a way with the mother...which i don't).The girl has her uses,she is practical,has access to some of the best doctors and is helpful in many ways (detached from the situation....being married into the family also gives her an objective view of things)
The Central railway station was our first hurdle.Having managed to pack her bags,hail a taxi etc we arrive at the station to be greeted by a well meaning porter who offers the mother a wheel chair(senior citizens can avail this facility at a price).The mothers pride was most hurt(in her scheme of things wheel chairs are meant for the disabled) and she quelled him with a look that sent him scuttling all the way to the far end.And so our journey starts and we arrive pretty decently at the Coimbatore station where I take everyone for a good morning cup of tea at the residency hotel(tea in most hotels is a pathetic affair and when the staff are hardly awake its even worse)After some not so nice comments from the mother on the quality of the tea and the largeness of the bill,we wind our way up the hills one very happy family,until just under an hour when the first of the hairpin bends begin.From then on motion sickness takes over and the rest of the drive is spent in the mother being sick and cursing the day she dared to venture out of the house.We arrived finally at our destination to be met by another sibling and a doctor on hand.Unfortunately the doctor looked like on of the many boys in the boarding school(we were staying at a staff house in an international school) and didn't inspire much confidence,but considering that the queen of hill stations is sadly devoid of a decent hospital (any hospital actually never mind decent or not)we didn't have a choice.Of course looks aside the doc proved to be pretty good so by the afternoon,the wheel chair that was scorned at the station was proving to be a god send for the steep climb up to the house.The next day as luck would have it,the sunny days of Ooty disappeared behind a black cloud and it poured like there was no tomorrow.All said we were scrambling to get a return ticket for the mother who if she had a way (she did mention envying the birds that could fly where ever they wanted to)would have left Ooty that very day to embrace the heat of Chennai....but the railways being what they are and with yours truly having every intention of having a holiday she had to stay put for a week.I am convinced that taking a mother like mine on holiday can turn a saint into a criminal in a blink of an eye....

waspy tales

A wasp after a long time....the last encounter with one was when I was all of 8 yrs and was stung so badly I cant forget the experience.Today the wasp was trying to build a nest in the key hole of one of our doors.The plants in the balcony provided good fodder to line the nest,so as i watched the wasp painstakingly took one leaf after the other and lined the key hole.I decided it was a single parent as there was no one to help.If I got too close then it refused to go anywhere near the key hole.
My mother is of the opinion that I should get rid of the nest and not encourage this exercise,after all being stung by a wasp is not a pleasant experience.I agree but cant bring myself to destroy such industry.The effort to carry each leaf is one thing,to actually measure the size required and to cut each one to size requires even more effort.The wasp didn't look like it was going to harm me,why should it unless I provoked it to anger.So i watch and wait and it continues to build.Methinks it will be a very comfortable nest,cosy and soft probably bound together with saliva used as glue.
I didn't destroy it because in life it takes a lit of effort to build anything,a home,a relationship,a career etc and to encounter people who pull one down at every turn is also common.Its pain full and takes courage to continue and sometimes its worth it and at other times its not.The wasps work this morning reminded me so much of life and it would have been unfair to destroy something built with such care.So it continues to line the nest and I hope they will be a happy family and find some other place to grow up in.I am kind but can only deal with one wasp at a time.

Another piece of History gone

This morning at 6.30am,yet another little piece of street history was put to rest.For thirty odd years on and off she was there right as rain.As children we avoided her,as an adult back on the same street many years later with her still there as my neighbour,i smiled at her,gave her a cutting of my plants once in a while but was never sure if she recognised the child she once knew.I obviously underestimated her memory.She identified me the moment I was back on the street.
Today four years after being back,four years of watching familiar people disappear,their once lovey,tranquil home being torn down to give way to flats.,I saw yet another familiar face disappear.For the first time in four years I visited her home to pay my last respects,shed some tears for a woman who was so much part of my world but quiet distant form it.Was I mourning my own loss of a few months ago,was I mourning the fact that my wonderful green neighbourhood would now disappear,was I mourning because the time has come for me to attend more funerals than ever before,was I mourning my own mortality....I don't know but this sense of sadness descends on me.I watch as they take her body away and I realise quiet suddenly that I was mourning for a spirit that I grudgingly admired.I marvelled at her will to survive,at her constant glee at being the only surviving member of her generation on the street.I willed her to walk and stand after she came back from the hospital,because I didn't want to see a spirit die.But like all else she also had to go,ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
They washed out the house as a final statement and I my heart goes out to her son.For some sixty odd years he has been with her,his life so much a part of hers.I don't know him at all,I would have nothing to say to him but for him its a lonely road ahead.An empty house that will be fought over by greedy relatives and siblings.Host of relatives who descended on the house....people who never once bothered to visit her while she was ill.Then I notice that the woman who actually fed her,sat with her and saw her through her difficult times...was not there.She didn't belong and despite the old lady being with her till the end,custom decrees that the one woman who was always there was not part of all the final rites.Religion and caste drives a wedge there,it was more important than human kindness,it was far more important than anything else so the old lady went alone to her grave and we watch in sadness as curtains come down on an era.

two in the morning

So much is happening in the city all of a sudden,to begin with I have started getting two new papers at home now as against the one of many years.Do I really need two?.No of course not,but sometimes one keeps ones friends happy so when a subscription was trust on me I agreed graciously.Of course having got two pretty nice looking travelling bags(I was entitled to only one but on must never look a gift horse in the mouth and all that...)I cant afford to complain.

Now I have certain issues with this new paper.I for one know that I am getting on in years,so while I do colour my hair and huff and puff valiantly at the gym,I am not so keen to be reminded day in an day out of the fact.So when this new paper uses font so small and insists on filling up every available space with print then it kind of gives me a headache and the need to grab not just reading glasses but also the magnifying glass.So i read the head lines instead.
The other point of all this is that this news paper gives a lot on diets and fads(i think one need to fill up space and that not easy)and unfortunately every nice food under the sun seems to be taboo.Then for days on end they went on and on about the bad drinking water that this city provided.Honestly anyone with a wee bit of common sense knows that,but can we do anything about it(I mean its fine to boil and strain it but what else).Well the paper has no answers either(but this paper doesn't claim to change public opinion so that's forgivable).
The third point is that the paper is so full of information(please note i don't call it news) that one wonders if all of it is necessary and like many of its fellow publications there is a lot on glamour,the pretty young thing ,the party hopper and the same old celebrities(wannabe types).So all in all I am certain I don't need it,but the bags were a huge draw and like I said I like my friends so one continues to get it ....for older people like me more visuals would have done the trick and if its aimed at the dumb young thing then does all this copy work?....hey you bet it does,read it and you will understand,this is information of the kind that is of so little value to the likes of me but of abundant value to the 15+ young thing.....so cheers to news i don't need to know.

key pad pixie

I started a new post and quiet mysteriously everything i wrote disappeared....wonder why...just an honest opinion and the fairy god mother didn't like it so shall be back soon with a new one...this time on my side.

Mad -ras

checked out my favourite blogs today and find that everyone is on a vacation from blogging.Its been ages since I found something to inspire me to write,but it must be the blistering heat that makes me want to eat watermelon all day and curl up in the shade.
On Saturday we drove around the city running errands and suddenly found a whole lot of building that we had forgotten existed.There has been a spree of pulling down hoardings in the city and its like watching a bhurka clad woman taking it off(there is one in my gym so I know what I am talking about).Well suddenly there are trees and buildings and the city seems so much better(i love it even otherwise)Unfortunately for every good thing that happens there is something else not so good.The lovely traffic training park had its building pulled down(beautiful old one around a 100 years) so the same fate for the Admiralty house.Some more seem to go under the hammer.The government claims that they are best done away with because there are in bad condition.My point exactly,the reason why there are the way they are is because no one bothers to maintain them.If we had a policy on heritage buildings then like great cities in other parts of the world,modernity would co exist with tradition and no one would have been unhappy.The old doesn't necessarily have to give way to the new.Does the new look any good....of course not,how can large tracts of glass and concrete look anything like the stuff artists spent so much time making.
One of the papers gave a blueprint of what the city will look like in the future and I am already on a hunt for a place to call home.Why or why do I feel so helpless watching the city disappear.

A forgotten Bangalore

Bangalore was a getaway destination when we were in college.It spelt fun,friends and no rules and the gardens,roses and the climate were added incentives to go there.Over the years its moved from nice little cantonment to a city of no character.Someone described it as a pub city,poor garden city,an apt name perhaps but what a sad commentary on the city.
Since a long weekend was on us and considering our host promised that going to their house meant sidestepping the city,it sounded like a good idea.
The roads were beautiful so the beginning was good.Our hosts live on sarjapur road which was once a village but is now dominated by gated communities which seem so popular in this city.I find it too exclusive.In my mind gated communities right in the middle of a village seem to be missing out on all the splendor of village life,but considering that most of the inhabitants are US returned NRIs who have picked up all the paranoia of their American stint,I am not too surprised.
When out host pointed out a quaint looking restaurant right outside their home and raved about the great food that they serve up,I was more than a little sceptical.All these new fangled,so called authentic places get me all suspicious but decided to keep an open mind.
Despite being at our doorstep so to speak we had to take the car and reach it in a roundabout fashion(typical of Bangalore where even the simplest things become complicated,must be something to do with writing too many software programmes).Once there we climb up a long staircase to the rooftop.
The place looks like a huge veranda open on all sides,lovely wooden beams and tiles give it a warm feeling and the subdued lighting adds to the warmth.Even the furniture looks functional but is comfortable.I took the trouble not to forget glasses especially if i wanted to study the menu but I may as well have left them at home.One can hardly read the menu but looks like most of the guests know their favourites.The place is called kanua after a forgotten grain of rice popular on the Konkan coast.The place itself swears to serving only authentic konkan food and only the veggies of that region is served so forget about the cauliflower and the fancy foods.Our hosts swear by the ghee roast and I decide to forget my waistline for the moment and dig into it.Well it was well worth the effort.The chicken was succulent and rich with the aromas of spices and ghee.The pomfret fry was equally good and so was all the rest of it.One has to take ones own wine along as they don't serve any.After the starters my appetite firmly back in the saddle and I cant keep darting looks kitchen ward.They are kind enough to let me in and I enjoy a good half hour discussing ingredients and recipes.Being from the same coast means that we speak the same language and I watch as the cooks stir the ghee roast around.I realise why it takes so long for the order to come along unlike conventional places with their high speed cooking.Here at last is a bit of the laid back Bangalore that I once knew.Here there is a healthy respect for time and the essence of slow cooking so we stand and chat while I am allowed to wander around and marvel that they still use palm jaggery(not very many people do) and sweet potato and kokum(so much a part of our lives on the konkan coast).I am happy to linger and examine the store cupboard and eat slowly and enjoy the night far from the madding crowds of the pub crawling,twenty something Bangalore where working late and partying late is so much a fad that the glories of a slow life have long been forgotten.I must admit though that after that very satisfying gastronomic experience all thought of climbing the wall back home was thrown to the winds,I was more than happy to sink my bulk into the seating of the car and be driven home.Kanua is a nice place for the unhurried person.

its jsut another ID stupid

The anonymity of the Internet amazes me.Today i have been in conversation with at lest three people who think they are talking to a friend of theirs,but are not.They are talking to me.On the Internet your log in defines you and today I am using my nephews log in just for a lark.Of course its not easy trying to sound like an 18 year old(its been a while since I was 18 and the slang has changed to something I just don't get)but i try and after a while I tell them that they have been talking to the wrong person.The reactions are the best.From oh me god to aiyo I am sorry to hey I am bored so can we chat even though I don't know you at all....well its interesting this.None of them talk in sentences,its always a word or two so I am learning to talk in monosyllables.learning to sound sullen and disinterested(i think that the cool thing according to them so I keep it going) but after a while i run out of things to say....in the meanwhile my nephew is probably working overtime sending sms to all his friends warning them that his moms sister is in disguise and they should log out as soon as they see his name on chat(be warned he tells them,if she can sound like me think of all the stuff she can get out of you....air raid warning please eject and don't talk).Well it will take a while for him to warn all of them so i continue to learn teenage lingo and have fun

Getting back to basics

The ration card....its one of those vital pieces of paper that define us very much like the passport,except that in this case it also provides for basic necessities in life like rice,dhal,sugar etc.The idea of course is that of public distribution and government social responsibility hence the price is low and by and large there is a hierarchy there of lower income,middle income etc etc.There are white cards,yellow cards and green cards.Most of the well heeled and reasonably affluent don't use this card for anything but an identity thing but some of us do venture out to buy stuff and that's where it all starts.

Start with the identify bit.There i was at the gas agency trying to change the gas connection to my name(it belonged to my dad).First question.....ration card?.Yes I add after just a wee bit of hesitation.You see I don't have a ration card,neither does the husband,but wise father didn't think it fit to delete my name from his card(he never trusted my ability to plan anything so must have done some forward planning for this day).Well obviously that's not good enough so I settle to change it to my mothers name(she is a natural heir so that's fine).A lot of paper work and more running around government offices but that's another story.I decided that it was also to be done another day so off I went to buy sugar at the ration shop.

There is somethings to be said about the ration shop.For starters,most to the people in line for basic necessities are from the lower socio economic class,they wear sarees,smell of stale sweat and are usually there with a few small children in tow.They also cannot afford to go to fancy supermarkets to shop.Well there I was feeling guilty as hell for having an air conditioned car,enough money to shop at a supermarket and all but I did want to buy sugar nevertheless.Lets look at it objectively,the government owes me that much,after all I pay taxes and they need to provide basic foodstuff right?.So why did I take the precaution to change from jeans and t shirt to kadhi kurta(bought from government kadhi shop at government price),why did I park the car in the corner of the road so no one could notice that I arrived in a car,why did my hair get tied into a ponytail and why did my designer sunglasses stay back in the car?.Actually it was guilt,somehow I felt that I was taking what was not mine,but another rational self said that this is my right so I must exercise it.I stand in the ques,and one woman pushes past me to jump the que.I am ready to protest,until I notice that she is tired,pregnant and has a child in tow,had just finished loads of work in some fancy house(i got all this listening in on the general conversation) and she could do with a rest so I let her be.No one bothered me,they asked if they could buy my share of oil(they assumed I wouldn't need it) and I told them they could but the oil ration has been stoped on my card.The women were kind enough to notice that I didn't have a clue as to procedure so they pointed me in the right direction.
The woman at the counter gave ma a nasty look(or was it my imagination) and only relented when I spoke in tamil and identified as one of them.What i noticed was that she had probably fallen into a talcum powder box this morning.Caked with powder her face as quiet a sight and she took her own time to get the bill organised.She asked if I wanted anything else and I replied that I didn't (I wasn't sure what i was entitled to and didn't want to ask).Well we waited for a while and got all that we wanted.Interestingly in the ration shop you bring your own bags and there was no plastic bag in sight.Everyone has cloth bags.Here were reasonably poor folk,being environmentally responsible(without knowing it) and there just down the road were the fancy people with fancy cars using all the plastic in the world and not giving a damn as to what damage they do.

Somewhere in all this I ask myself whats with us the educated lot,can we learn a few lessons from lesser mortals and can we teach them some things too.maybe its time for a little give and take.Maybe its time to go back to basics and find somethings which we have lost in out fast paced lives.

The Lost life

In the 1930s,girls were neither seen or heard,so any girl trying to break the mould was asking for trouble.She however had no intention of keeping the faith,a free spirit,she choose to follow her heart going after what most kids do in childhood,climb trees,scrape knees and generally get into trouble.This naturally made her popular with the boys(starved for female company as it were).Her sister had to follow her around reluctantly as she was under strict instructions to keep an eye on the younger sister.When the family realised that there was no point in putting restrictions,they allowed a little freedom.As the years went by she blossomed into a lively teenager who used the soot on the vessels as eyeliner(those days her family looked down on makeup of any kind....they still do)and flowers in her hair.Unfortunately in small villages in Kerala,there are only some things that girls are meant to do.Their lives are dictated by social rules and those meant that by 18years if they were not married and well on their way to becoming mothers,then they were destined to be put on the shelf and their lived reduced to a miserable existence.Small wonder then that her parents one mission in life was to find a husband(and one who could tame her wild spirit).They did of course find someone ten years older that her.He was a family friend and the entire community convinced the patents that he was the one for her.His qualities were that he worked in a city(a big one at that) and had a government job(very important in those days of middle class values).Her wishes were never in question,marriage was something that had to be gone through.It was a stage in life and the sooner one got used to it the better.The question of love never entered into it,it was an arrangement.A meeting of families to fulfil some social obligation.
Young as she was the transition wasn't easy,nor was it easy to live with a man and his family that were so different to everything that she had known.Here was a family of loud mouthed individuals(as opposed to her soft spoken world).Here was a family that lived off the land,tilling and toiling in the fields,killing their own meat,fishing for their meals in the river that ran by and when a hard days work was done and much squabbling later,it was a time to drink up and turn louder.Her world had changed and changed for ever.Suddenly the free spirit was gone,she gave up on a life that was watered down before her eyes and the free spirited girl was replaced by a woman who in later years would turn bitter and self pitying....(to be continued)

Small shops and romance

Suddenly there is a profusion of supermarkets in my area of the city(I suspect this is the case in most parts of the city).They are all air conditioned,have numerous staff and are well stocked.In addition their prices seem so much lower that the local chaps.I wandered in the other day but despite the good looks and the swank interiors,it lacks one basic ingredient.Call me old fashioned but I like the fact that my local veggie man will enquire about my family,office and then tell me his story or the current gossip,he also know what I am cooking that day,we exchange recipes and if i run short of money,he knows i will be back so he lets me take the veggies on credit.I go to the grocer next door and the story is the same.I have know the owner from the time I was six,when we took the bus at the same bus stand.Today I can walk in and ask for stuff if I cant find it on the shelf.He know what i buy so will let me know if something I like has come in.
All of these little social interactions are missing in the big format shops.Yes they do have the fancy herbs,the salad veggies and all kinds of exotica but is that everyday life?
It hit home today,the need for patronising the local chaps,the local produce.The veggie man looks rather dull in spirits and when I asked he mentioned that the competition was eating him up and it was only a matter of time before he closed down.He made an interesting observation."mam he said.I operate this shop to earn a living and the big guy over there operates to reduce his income tax".What a telling example of the new economy.The large reliance fresh shops are not very well occupied.Their veggies are anything but fresh and while there is a lot of hype and hoopla there is that basic interpersonal and social exchange missing.Its so much a reflection of our insulated lives that we live in flats and don't know our neighbours,we invest heavy amounts but don't interact with the person on the other side.We bank on the Internet and all we get when we call is a recorded voice that's used by most services.
Where is the personal touch,does efficiency alone matter(even that is debatable what with the call centre culture and everyone doing just a limited operation).Business is all about human being in the end.Its all about communities,its relationships and no amount of large formatting,air conditioning,computerization and gizmo's will replace that basic need for human contact.Its small wonder then that in countries in Europe there is a movement to patronise produce with in a particular geographical range,they have rediscovered the need for human contact,but sadly by the time we realise the value of the small farmer and the small shops,they would long be dead and gone.In the meanwhile I continue to shop at the local small stores because I know them and because I have a relationship going with them.I may pay a little more but oh the joys of rummaging in the sacks fresh from the market,haggling with him about the quality of the wares and the general freshness of local produce will still hold all the romance of shopping for me.

In thunder ,lightining and in rain

Its a beautiful day today,there's rain and thunder and the leaves on the trees are a new green,the colour of freshly drenched leaves.The large windows of the house ensure a beautiful view and the day is just right for wandering around,under an umbrella.Unfortunately no one in the house shares the enthusiasm.For starters,the mother is terrified of thunder and rain depresses her.The husband on the other hand thinks this is perfect weather to watch a movie and eat hot spicy snacks.So here I am a poor old enthusiast trying very hard to drum up some spirit.
With all my pleas falling on deaf ears,I decided to take the law into my own hands so was busy getting ready to walk,umbrella and shoes at the ready.Unfortunately the mother spots me and all hell breaks loose.She is convinced that I will be struck by lightning or crushed under a tree(never mind that there are hardly any trees around) and her hysteria gets to me(didn't know I was so wanted,guess i am expected to feel loved etc etc but this is a bit much).So as a compromise i take the car.Its great fun to drive in the rain,hardly any traffic and I simply love the sound of splashing through puddles(would love to be barefoot and splashing but good daughter that I am i defer to parental authority).Glad to escape and be out in the open I head for the library,later it seems like perfect weather to have a cup of tea with a friend and catch up(she was here the last morning so nothing much to catch up so obviously she is an escape)I had every intention of going to the nursery to check out some plants,veggie shop to chat with the veggie man and get some fresh veggies but all that is not to be.Damn the mobile phone,I cant ever escape any more,I am always found.Its the husband wanting to know if I was planning to come home(the veiled glee in his voice is a dead give away,the mother had got to him).A lecture later I am home to face a happy husband(trilled that the mother is going on hammer and tongs at my irresponsible behaviour.....being out in the rain in a car if you please)and a hysterical mother.I fail to understand why she has such little faith in my driving ability or my simple common sense.I am convinced my mother has regressed to the time when I was a teenager.Now I am constantly monitored,she needs to know where I am and who I am with(its no help that the husband is lapping it all up happy that the mother is able to achieve what he hasn't in ten years).Well it looks like I have been outnumbered so here I am a forty year old teenager who has been grounded for not keeping curfew.Oh dear c'est la vie.

Bling,government offices and life

First it was a visit to the post office,then to the telephone office.In the past these offices have been places so depressing that one would avoid them as far as possible.Dust everywhere,files creating walls instead of cubicles and people with attitudes to match.If any work got done it was between tea breaks,lunch breaks and so on.
Obviously competition makes a big difference.The BSNL office was actually air conditioned,they could process my request online,people were polite and took time to answer questions.They actually asked us if we had feedback and what not.
The post office was even better,air conditioned,all the women in uniform and counters well marked.Obviously the competition from courier companies and the email makes for a change in attitude and environment.
One thing though hadn't changed.Every woman worth her salt in both offices was loaded with jewellery.I counted a minimum of four gold chains each in varying weights and sizes,bangles that could make enough sound to qualify for an orchestra.As many rings as there are fingers and earrings glittered all around.
The jewellery market is obviously in the pink of health and will continue to be so provided these woman continue in government offices.
That brings me to the next topic.All of them had enough money to buy all the things that their counterparts in other offices could but the priority here was jewellery.Was it peer pressure or just the way of society.We talk of socio economic class,defined by household income and education but what we fail to put emphasis on is that socio economic class goes beyond household income and education.It has so much more to do with the kind of environment that one grows up in,the choice of schools and colleges,the work environment and the exposure to society in general.All things being equal,the environment hold the key.That really is what makes people different and that is the key to targeting,marketing and reach.Numbers are just that,indicators.

Attitude that kills

When people talk of attitude,Ive often wondered what they meant until I found it myself.Everything finally is about attitude.It dictates ones life,the course of ones thoughts and the well being of ones mind.Its such a dangerous weapon that it can destroy as it can heal.Double edged sword if any.
Today as in the many years of my life I have been battling a negative attitude.I can see it destroying a person I love and I am helpless because like I ve discovered the path of ones life is in ones own mind.
Trying to see the good things in life is not easy but believing that everyone else has it good and its only me with a sad life is looking at life in a jaded form.Doesn't it occur to people that human beings are individuals and have to exercise that right.When you fail to count blessing and can only look at the so called bad things,when you refuse to believe that you can change the course of your life in however small a measure,then that attitude can slowly destroy ones core and no one,simply no one can help with that.I realised that trying to break down this wall of negativity was pointless at this point.Either I don't know how to deal with it or I don't think its important anymore.Perhaps its true that a leopard cant change its spots but negativity can spread,its infectious and I have every reason to keep my distance from it.

Our neighbour-our focal point

Morning activity starts around five in the morning,the place is swept and washed and breakfast is on the fire ready for the old lady to get out of bed.At round seven thirty she is out sitting in her favourite chair watching the world go by.One might wonder whats so unusual about all this.The point is that she is our neighbour and our lives are inexplicably linked to hers.No conversations pass between us,no talk at all but we have a direct view of her home and all her activities.

I can remember her from her pattu saree days.She was the most dreaded figure on the street,from vegetable man to street dog no one messed with her.Over the years with ill health and years passing by the pattu saree has given way to a night dress.On occasions when she goes out a dupatta goes on.On the rare occasion that a wedding has to be attended the pattu saree comes out.

Our day begins with watching her,its habit to see her sitting there and doing her thing.To all our guests she is a focal point.Everyone who has at some point stayed with us will enquire about her if she is missing from her post.Two days ago we didn't see her,the house was locked and there was no sign of activity.The next day she was missing again.A pall of gloom descended over our household.Somehow the thought of not seeing her was like a vacuum.Considering we have known her for over thirty odd years(having lived on the same street) but have never bothered to so much as say hello,I find it rather strange.The anxiety was heightened by the fact that too many of her children were around and everyone had grave faces.

Finally I cornered the daughter in law and found out that she was in hospital .My concern was quickly brushed aside by the daughter in law who claimed that the hospital would be more than glad to send her home(she had been yelling at all the staff and generally throwing her weight around)and that she was certain that the old lady would be home before we knew it.She added that she was a witch so there was no need for me to loose sleep over her.Well she ought to know considering she lives with her.

This morning right as rain,she was up and about,yelling at her son to fetch and carry for her like nothing had changed.She is 90 years old and I hope she lives to be a hundred,because in her I see my own mortality(her eldest son continues to fetch and carry and put up with here constant yelling and I doubt if he will thank me for this post).

Small gods and temples

It started like most of them do as a small idol of a Hindu god.One can find them on most street corners in the city.It remained so for many years with the few people of that area coming stopping by to offer a few flowers and once in a while a chat with an otherwise bored priest.
It is the story of our temples that their beginnings are small but over a period of time the religious sentiments of the local people get the better of them and the contributions increase.With that comes the need for a bigger temple,so an altar gets built which is followed by one more idol and before one is aware a big temple has come up.
This morning I realised that the god that sat at the corner near the electricity building had evolved into a large temple and had occupied the road corner with no thought of how they were obstructing traffic or if the temple had encroached on the road.I wonder if the Chennai corporation gave permission for the additional structures.I believe the money came from the people who patronise this new temple but could a church or a mosque have gotten away with it?.Wouldn't the politicians go up in arms of how we were converting the locals into our religion(never mind that adults cant be forced into anything).Its unfair and unethical to have constructions (temple or no temple) go up in places without any planning.The irony of it is that all the revenue is tax free,and god forbid anyone raised an objection.There would be hell to pay and the majority religion would be supported by the local fanatics to make a fuss until it became a national agenda.I wondered if the gods were laughing at our foolishness.After all do Gods need a home built by us mortals?.

Random thoughts and bla bla bla

Today I was treated to a splurge in the bookstore,greed gets the better of me when i see books so i search,read,check price and generally loose myself in them.The trip to the bookstore was a reminder of how fragile life is.Last month on this day I was in a different and difficult world.This month a lot of healing has taken place thanks to books.They are my escape route to a world of shared experiences across oceans,cultures and ages.So I came back with a bag load of books to escape into.
On the way,we stop at a place to pick up dvds.The husband is an avid movie buff and the mother a tv serial junkie,me I am a book worm so we are all in our own worlds.However this blog is not about us,its about my little sojourn into the world of other people.While waiting for the husband to choose his movies,I sat in the car to watch the world go by.Five people caught my attention.They were friends for sure,two girls(looked like they were in college but then again they may have been young working women,nowadays the lines are so blurred one is no longer able to slot people)and three men(young and for me that means in the late twenties or early thirties).They were all next to a mid size car(which translates into...."they have the money and earning power").It was pretty obvious that one of them was a couple(the personal space between them was too little and much backslapping and hugging going on)the other two were on the way to becoming one and the third was a real bored our of his skull chap who for some reason had to put up with all this.What was real interesting was that the girl who was part of confirmed couple,was the most relaxed.She was the centre of all the fun.It looked like all of them were there for her.The other interesting observation was that despite having a lot of common interest and constant talking,what really was holding them together was the sms messages and their mobile phones.The mobile phone was being passed around amidst much mirth,the sms messages were enjoyed and all the evening was revolving around the phone.,I wondered if they were sending messages to each other or what.Think back to my own world those many years ago(this group reminder me so much of our gang when we were all finding our own equations).We hung around at the sterling club,watching others play tennis or swim while having great conversations.We had our own bikes and couldn't dream of cars but in the end it all boiled down to physical and mental vibes and never mind the technology or so I believe.Well the husband was back and there ended my observation if human behaviour.All too soon we are back home and like Goldilocks we are in our respective beds one watching a movie laughing his head off,one immersed in a soap opera that's guaranteed to take her blood pressure up and me dying for a cup of tea and a good read so have to end all this bla bla now.