Dealing with old parents

Caring for the elderly is never easy and it only gets worse as they get older and more dependant . Six years ago I gave up my job to be at home full time so my mother would adjust to living with me. Most people wondered why I did it. She is diabetic but not bed ridden nor is she incapable of being on her own physically. The point is more psychological. While my mother believes as did my father that they are a burden on me and therefore need to give me as little trouble as possible the fact remains that some of their ways of helping actually end up causing me more problems. My mother loves to cook but when the temperature outside is in heAtwa e conditions she doesn't realise how this will affect her. The air conditioning will not be used and she will be exhausted by the end of the day. For me it means that however tired I am I still have to look after her,take decisions and manage to stay patient. Not always easy,especially the patience bit. Why suffer I ask her when she can do otherwise. I tend to make my displeasure known when I reach the end of the rope. It makes me feel lonely and depressed having to take on all the responsibility myself. I would like not to have to always live on the edge,always stay stressed and try and keep a balance. Most of my friends are in similare situations and most of us are old before our time. None of us thinks it's a burden ,not of us wants our parents dead but there are times when there is just that much we can take. We share our stories but it doesn't help. In a crisis it's always panic and having to take decisions that affect someone life. This year the heat wave has been especially stressful and with everyone on frayed nerves talking an emotional tightrope is not my cup of tea. The husband who has relatively young parents and has neve had to look after someone I'll,is also getting upset at my so called irrational behaviour. I know the eighties is a difficult period and maybe at back of my head I can't deal with having to loose my mother soon. Death is not something I can deal with. I marvel at the new age of not  showing grief,everyone is very practical about it,no one admits to a sense of loss but for me my emotions are raw,I cry,I rave I can't hold back but increasingly it's becoming obvious that one must not expect others to understand,one must not impose ones grief on others....all very confusing and difficult to deal with. I would like my mother to wake up everyday to a new day and enjoy life but in the city that we live in every day is a challenge to ordinary people and more so to older ones. The heat is like a desert and it saps all of us of our energy,but the choice is limited. And we have to live and I will have to deal with it but sometimes just sometimes it would be nice to not have all the responsibility on ones head alone