Babysitter me

At the best of times i am a bad babysitter,babies not being one of my favourite beings so when my niece asked me if i would babysit her kids for an afternoon i refused point blank but when she asked me again in the evening and promised me that her kids would sleep while she was out watching a movie I didn't think it was a big deal so agreed.After all the parents seemed very confident and her kids are well brought up so I didn't think i had cause to worry.Of course I agreed only after I made sure she would put them to sleep before leaving so all settled I saw them off and went off to bed.Having had a long day i was asleep in no time at all.The husband has also gone off for the movie with the gang so there was just me and the two kids fast asleep no problem at all.They had even given me the script in the unlikely event that the children woke up so everything seemed fine.I was in dreamland soon enough and was having this rather vivid dream when I heard crying in the far recesses of my brain.Something stirred,some vague memory of kids in the house and before i knew it I was out of bed and out of the room.Imagine my horror at seeing two kids standing outside my room bawling their heads off asking for their mother.In my half sleepy state I tried hard to think straight,remember the script i told myself.Finally I remembered they were to be offered water.I dashed off to do that got them to drink some water and then told them their parents would be back in a minute.I was told to say that as the kids probably don't know how long a minute is and I am guessing this is one of those undefinable minutes that can stretch to hours.Well the parent knew what they were talking about as the kids bought into it.Then I had the bright idea to getting them under a comforter in my room and the younger kid fell asleep at once.The older one thought it was a good opportunity for a chat with an otherwise uncommunicative aunt.Now being a real clueless baby person I was in panic,now what can one possibly say to a five year old at midnight?.She seemed to have had it all worked out.She started by asking me if the husband has gone along with her parents,she figured he was the last person to abandon someone as clueless as me which really meant that her parents would come back eventually.At this point i thought a phone message to the parents was in order.Hadn't realised that the child in question is a good reader and as i struggled to type the message without the aid of my glassed and in darkness,the child was reading over my shoulder and seemed seriously amused at my panic.Honestly there is nothing like a clueless aunt to make children see fun and games dancing before their eyes....and so i sensed glee of some kind in the child.....saved by the doorbell.Never have i been so happy to hear a squeaky gate and the door bell.The parents were back and I had the kids off my hands......funny when i saw them again in the morning they didn't look half as alarming as they did at night....oh dear that is the last time i babysit anyone....

Modern housing and amenities

We have all gone through the stage of house hunting,we pour over the ads in the papers,check the advertisements,buy into some of all the hype and end up with a flat or house (in most cases a flat if one is living in this part of the world) which may not be the thing of your dreams but is rather close.I did it too and cant say I am unhappy with the choice,but there are things I need changed.

The ads in the papers brag of swimming pools,gyms,schools,utility stores,walkways,gardens and what have you.All sound very inviting especially as most people invest in homes in their 20s and 30s.Which brings me to my point.We live in high rise building with elevators but none of those can accommodate a stretcher or a coffin. I have been at the receiving end of this lack of amenities.Living with old parents does mean that one cannot blind oneself to the possibility of them falling ill and needing to be taken to a hospital in an ambulance on a stretcher,nor can one ignore the face that they will pass on and need to be taken down in a coffin.Shouldn't there be dignity in death.My flat for instance has cars and bikes that take up all of the parking space.There isn't enough space to swing a cat let alone get a stretcher through.I had the misfortune of having to help my mother down with a drip down her arm and in a half conscious state because the stairway was too narrow to accommodate a stretcher.Then when the father passed on the coffin had to be brought down by the narrow stairway and one wondered why he had to be pushed and shoved to get it all down.Recently I went to another funeral,same story,this time the coffin came down from the second floor.What is one expected to do if one lives on the seventh or eleventh floor.Why don't we plan ahead,do builders and investors believe that people will never grow old,will never need an ambulance or die.Why are our high rise buildings so elderly unfriendly.Don't we care or are we too caught up in the mad rush to build higher and provide amenities that are only suited to the young or do we just need to live in denial.I agree that it may be morbid to think of death while still alive but increasingly with old people living alone it is something we need to think about after all the population of this country will also grow old sooner or later.I have spent a large part of my life with old people in cities and it pains me to see that so little thought is given to the basics of people who have given so much and receive so little in return.Perhaps I should insist on these amenities in the future but will I be a lone voice?

The year that was

The year 2011 has arrived and I thought it best to do a review of the year gone by.To say that it was near perfect would be an understatement.I cant remember another year that was so stress free and good and I wouldn't complain if there is a repeat performance.

We started off going to Hyderabad for our annual visit to the in laws (actually my annual visit,the husband visits more often).A week of doing nothing can get a bit tough especially for someone like me who's attention span is really little.But it was one of those relaxing weeks when I discovered new andhra dishes that I made my favourites.It was also a time to catch up on friends in that city.Our next trip was in April when on the spur of the moment we jumped into the car and made off to Bangalore.The unplanned trips are the best.My sister in laws house is so huge that one can get lost in it and since she is super cool and relaxed its a time to walk around the campus,drink endless cups of green tea and chat for hours on end.Of course Bangalore was hot but madras is hotter so that's fine.

Summer was a real hot affair in madras and as luck would have it my elder sister broke her leg (now don't get me wrong,wasn't lucky for her but this was the only way one gets time to spend with her,in normal times she has wheels on her feet) so off we went to ooty and to the cool of the blue mountains.All we did on that trip was to eat all the time and walk a mile everyday to digest what we ate only to start all over again.Of course the fun part was the birthday party her daughter and i russled up and the time when the kids tried outsmarting us but we won in the end.

There is something to be said about travelling,it can become addictive.Once again we were off to Bangalore thanks to a cricket test match that the husband wanted to go for and the fact that a friend from London was in town and it meant quality time with old friends.The trip we women took to srirangapatnam was such fun that we have decided to do it all over again every year in a new place.Wow now that something to look forward to.

Finally one last fling took us to Cochin and the navy ball and all the drama associated with navy week,the fun times with our friends,visiting the markets of kerala looking for fish and foods of my childhood and the warm hot days and the cool waters of the backwaters of kerala

The year was not just about travelling,there was the big relief that right through the year the mother kept good health and seemed far more relaxed,the other highlight was all the stuff I learnt ,from swimming to yoga and regular bouts at the gym were enough to keep me in good health,unfortunately the same cant be said about the husband who is still battling the common cold,and it looks like its going to be a constant in his life.

There were the sad bits when friends lost their parents to old age and some of them old folk happen to be my friends,to watch them suffer and not be able to do anything about it is sad but one hopes that the memories of their lives will stay with us and we have learnt lessons from their lives.

I loved 2010 for all it many highs and I hope that 2011 will keep me forever young in mind and spirit

Sign boards in the vernacular

There is a rule that all signboards in the city must have the vernacular boards also in addition to the English ones.My guess is that this is for the benefit of people who do not understand English.Now i think that is a good rule but what baffles me is this.I drive through the city and every board has the equivalent in Tamil,except that the English board is rewritten in Tamil,so we have pharmacy and medical shop written in Tamil,or take "established in ......" or "bone and spine clinic" etc.Now of course I know what bone means in English but if the whole point is to make the non English understand what would they understand by writing bone in Tamil,shouldn't it be "elambu"shouldn't medical shop be"maratuva kadai".The whole purpose is lost.What the government means is surely a translation of what the establishment stands for.Of course the name has to be rewritten in the vernacular as it is,but that's excusable,after all it is a name,but for the life of me i cant understand why we don't translate.In a city like madras where the Tamil language has a host of English words that one sooner or later thinks is Tamil,this problem may not be so severe but imagine the villages....when do we learn to follow the rule not as it is but as it is meant to be....

The Buzz words

Watch any news channel and you can be sure that some words are very dear to some news reporters.Some of them drag their words with much humming and hawing during that time.Me thinks the teleprompter is not working to well.Then there is the use of some words with no relevance.Some of them are as follows.

indeed

absolutely

on the other side

right

eer

these are just some of them,then one has to contend with the various accents,ranging from American Indian to some that are strange to ones ears.News channels are so funny to watch that they are now a great source of entertainment.For real news devoid of all the emotions and the rants of news readers.....i stay with the BBC....

Corruption and the media

The tv channels are full of corruption stories,there are hysterical news reporters to indignant ones who are judge and jury and have already sentensed many a corrupt person long before the courts can give a verdict.The newspapers are also full of such stories,and as for the general public,well some of us share the angst of the TV channels,others have decided to take a moderate view.

I for one am not sure what my reaction should be.Look at it from a day to day perspective of an ordinary individual like me.I have to pay off the garbage man to remove my garbage despite the fact that I pay taxes and he gets a salary.If I don't he doesn't pick up the garbage despite it being his job to do so....is this a bribe,is this corruption?.Then I need to pay off many people in the course of various chores in my life.But these are minor ones.The same newspapers and TV channels,will happily pay off the government in crores to get their licenses,will they then tell themselves that this is corruption and one should refrain from doing so.I doubt it,as it will mean that someone else got a license and business will suffer.Corporate India has funds ready in huge amounts to pay off the corrupt but they will be the first to claim that corruption has to be taken out of the system.Right now each of the political parties are trying to paint themselves as better than the rest but we all know that its a choice between a rock and a hard place.The BJP will claim to be against corruption but they are the most narrow minded and the most corrupt in more ways than one,the lady in madras sees an opportunity to fight her case in the coming elections,but have we all forgotten that there are ever so many cases against her.The prime minister gives a diplomatic answer and everyone is out to get him.Lets face it the man is clean and just because he refused to answer every silly question put to him by some journalist or the other,doesn't make him corrupt.While the media must report cases,they must also not resort to judgments,after all we do have a corrupt judicial system in place that will try and punish the corrupt people and the tv channels will then go on to a different story and continue paying off who ever has to be paid off while going hammer and tongs on how corrupt the system is.This is a national disease that we have now learnt to live with.It simply boils down to the fact that if we stand up to corruption ,we will have to suffer the consequences.The question rally is....how many of us have the guts to do that....when we are ready to act,we should talk then,until that time,this is just another news story that can get in more trps.....

Its raining cats

Its raining cats....a cyclone has hit the city and early morning we woke up to gale winds and beautiful rain and cool weather (for those of us in this hot city this is paradise).My heart sang as i looked forward to a new day and endless possibilities but had not contended with the fact that some cats have been in action and the end result is that there were two kittens trying to snuggle up in the bonnet of my car.Terrified that I would cause their death the maid and i tried to get them out and after much shouting on her part they ventured out.I dashed off to do my shopping.Came back to find the most adorable kittens curled up on my doorstep.Now once again after six months my heart aches.I cant stand by and watch them without giving them a cuddle,they are irresistible.Then the poor things have to survive in the cold and i am dying to give them some hot milk.Unfortunately the husband wont have any of it.He doesn't like animals and wants us to not encourage them.Of course when you love animals there are many ways to work around the system.So while the husband took his afternoon nap and the mother kept watch over him,I sneaked out some milk.This happened twice.By the evening my constant updates on the kittens could have melted the hardest of hearts and the husband actually gave me a box to keep them warm.Surprise surprise....there are three and not two,where did the new one come from,who are the parents.I have no idea.Endless mewing and I have to investigate,only to find the staircase has a kitten on every landing.Now I am in a fix.I cant eat my dinner as guilt is eating me,I cant go out and feed them as the husband is lurking around and the mother is not happy at my so called indifference.I curse the cats who left their offspring at my doorstep,I beat myself up about my soft heart (i have tried to become hard hearted but its not easy).Just when it all gets too much my neighbour comes down with a bowl of food and the kittens follow.Thank god I say,the burden is shared.I go back to the first kitten who came my way and how my heart broke when I had to give him up for adoption I cant go through this again ...and i wonder what happened to me,I who have never cared too much for cats,just cant resist the kittens.I swear to keep away from animal planet....the animals are driving me nuts,but who can resist those beautiful eyes,those little bundles of fur....so another day of sneaking food

The festival of lights

Its called the festival of lights but most often than not its the festival of sound.At the end of a long day of continuous din of firecrackers,my eardrums are under stress as is my throbbing head not least of all my poor eyes that have been dazzled by the glare of a thousand fireworks that light up the night sky on Diwali.But there is something about this festival (that unlike all other Hindu festivals),transcends religious beliefs and becomes a common festival that everyone can indulge in.Its a time when friends will come home with boxes of sweets (diets are out of the window,all the days of keeping away from the sugars are best forgotten) and dried fruits.Its a time for indulgences and shops full of people.Houses lit up with a thousand lights and everyone rushing to fit in last minute shopping.Living in a mixed religion house we celebrate Diwali and Christmas as the only religious festivals that this house has.It a time when all our friends come over and we manage to have those unplanned festivities that are the best.When the day is over its a sad feeling as the only next big thing is Christmas and already we have friends who are leaving out of town and family with their own agendas so will it be just the husband ,the mother and me around the Christmas tree or will it all turn out fine and the house burst at the seams with guests and the kitchen kept busy with aromas and good food.....i guess I shall wait

The men in the pool

After almost four months since i started swimming I am not about to give up.Its been an uphill task or should I say a watery one,nevertheless I have made great progress in my opinion.I can now do the breadth of the pool from the shallow end and reach the other side without much ado though anyone hearing me heave and pant may just send for an ambulance and no one can blame them for it.Here I am kidding myself that all the yoga and gyming is keeping me fit and full of stamina and one lap in the pool is enough to dispel all such illusions.

But swimming is not the only thing that happens there.It is a known fact that the ratio of men to woman is heavily skewed towards men so one has to be on the look out for compulsive gawkers and the ones who are dying to start a conversation.It will invariable start with some tip on swimming and then move on to ones life history.One man has been looking at us with a great deal of intensity but hadn't plucked up the courage to talk,we knew it was a matter of time before he lost control and sure enough he broke the other day.It always starts with "how long have you been swimming",then moves on to the frequency of swimming,if I inform then that i am not a regular swimmer they need to know why (i still cant understand this great need to figure out what i do with my time).The the next question is to weather i work.I say no with a deadpan expression (no point in telling them that i was a full time working woman till recently,this can only lead to more questions).They then assume I am a housewife (I dont dispel that notion as it gives one a staid image though they do look puzzled,as I don't fit their image of nice housewife).The next question is what really throws the real conservatives.How many children do you have is met with my answer of "no children".This is a huge full stop.Most men in this country don't know how to deal with that,as do most woman (but we are dealing with men at this point).They are not sure what to do after that.Of course i could put them out of their misery by swimming to the other end but considering my privacy has been invaded I have no intentions of making it comfortable for them.Well the next thing one knows,the man is question will swim away and not come my way for a while.....perfect.Ofcourse there are the nosy ones and the one one cant get rid of who carry on the most inane conversation and will not budge until questions have been answered.These I avoid,by now well aware of all types and their swimming schedules,I am out of the pool the moment the creeps get in.Of course there are the nice gentlemen who will watch my progress,give excellent advice and clap or encourage every time i cross a milestone in my swimming progress.These are the ones to keep company with.Should I make the unfortunate mistake of sinking at the deep end these will be the one who will haul me out.In the meanwhile I swim and swim determined to conquer the stamina bit and the deep end.The next time i see water I will want to plunge then my swimming saga will be complete

Swimming woes

Its been three months since my last swimming class and I have been going to the pool twice a week.I was told by everyone that in two months time I would be swimming the length of the pool and would enjoy it.Well if I were to count the days I may have done two months of swimming but apart from the 4ft end of the pool it doesn't look like I am getting anywhere.'Have enlisted a friend who spends time trying to make me do it all right.I know how to float holding my breadth,I can kick pretty well,I can also move my hands but tell me to do all three together and breath and panic strikes,and before i know it half the water in the pool has been swallowed and i am nowhere close to learning to master this sport.

I am now breathing and kicking and moving my arms,or at least trying to,but the moment i come up for air all i get is water....there are others who manage to move and reach goals,kids who jump in and enjoy it,old people who seem to take to it like ducks and here I am waiting and trying but just not getting it.....when will i ever learn.....be sure there is a party when I break the world record for the longest time taken to learn swimming

Rat attack

In the many years that I was in the corporate sector,I have met a number of rats in the eternal rat race that work life is in the big bad world of business.Some have outsmarted me and others have been killed in the bargain,so its natural that I had it all figured out.I knew every trick in the book to deal with rats of all kinds.Except that in the rodent world of survival,the odd are against the rat and therefore the innovation and expertise they bring into their range of survival skills is not something that can be taught in any business school.

For the last few months we have been plagued by a family of rats who believe it is their right to invade out kitchen.Much like the toys in children's books who come alive after midnight,the rats in our area come into the kitchen the moment we switch off the lights and go to bed.Now we take pains to hide all foodstuffs,clean the kitchen remove all dirty dishes etc etc but the rat comes in,knocks a few things down,scampers over all the kitchen exploring things and when it gets tired,it climbs up the chimney to the loft and goes to sleep.Our first course of action was to trap them but having failed to gather courage to deal with their killing we had to rat proof the kitchen.It started with closing the windows of the kitchen,then they came in through the dining room so now we spend half an hour ever evening closing all the windows (and in the process dying of heat and humidity in the house).We invested in good wire mesh and sealed all possible entry points to and from the kitchen.We now find that the rat has decide that the balcony is his new home so the next step is to close those windows too.Funny how our conversations are all rat centered,we have become obsessed with the rat population in this area.Our lives revolve around the rat.The husband and I no longer fight about anything but the rat and how foolproof the husbands efforts have been in restricting entry into the house.My friends with similar problems discuss new ways of outsmarting the rat.It is an insult to our intelligence that this creature who is well below us in the evolution chain,can cause such fear,heartache and disgust in out lives.Strange.....I am beginning to think those corporate rats were a harmless lot after all

Traffic Sense

Some twenty years ago I bought myself a bike not knowing how to ride a bicycle this was quiet an achievement.I learnt to ride it though after many a fall and bruise till I was pretty sure of myself on the road.It was a bit battle scared by the time I was ready to trade it in for a car.I have been driving the car now for over 10 years and haven't had too many mishaps except during the int ital years.But over the years I have learnt a few home truths especially if you live in my part of the woods.Its came home to me this morning when I had to pick a scrap with a young chap who simply refused to move out of my way despite being parked in the wrong place.So for the uninitiated here are a few ground rules to negotiate traffic in this country.

1.Before you leave home and get into the car make sure that common sense,courtesy and good manners are locked in the cupboard.Replace this with loads of aggression,stupidity and a total disregard for fellow citizens on the road.

2.At all times make sure to park in front of someones gate.(parking spaces are few and far between so grab the place and never mind if the people who live there have an emergency or simply need to go out and take their car with them,remember you have left common sense at home)

3.If someone has parallel parked in a designated parking space,make sure to park just behind them,switch off your engine,take the key and disappear for hours on end (chances are that the nice person who parked the right way is left stranded not being able to take his car out thanks to you,but remember he ought to have left good sense at home)

4.If anyone flashed his lights at you on the road,don't give way,drive on like you haven't seen a thing after all you need to get to your destination and to hell with what the other guy wants.

5.Make sure you always overtake from the left (in this country we drive on the left) and never mind that the person you are trying to overtake doesn't see you.

6.Make sure that if you want to turn to the right you don't have to be in the right lane.Do all of the above and cut across from the far left of the road at breakneck speed and leave the poor drivers on the right side either too shocked to react or dead in the bargain.

7.Indicators must have been the fancy of some automobile designer but they don't really serve any purpose so don't bother using them after all you will still be overtaken if you did.

8.Put your headlights on full beam as soon as the sun sets,this will make the driver on the opposite side blind but do you care?

9.The red light at the traffic signal ....well if you must you could stop but if your in a hurry just hurtle across the light and be gone

10.Make sure you honk all the time and as loud as you can,remember most people wont hear you or couldn't care less.

And if after all this you want to park your car,remember designated parking is for the foolish.This is Madras,this is India,learn to live by the rules you set.

Am I being funny and irresponsible?Well after having been subjected to all of the above on the roads of this city I am not sure who issues driving licenses nor am I sure where people learn to drive.Honestly some of the biggest offenders are the so called well off educated types with fancy expensive cars so am I surprised that the rest are not far behind?

My Changing World

Its been ages since I have bothered to write anything at all so much so that the new windows version on my new laptop looks like Greek and Latin to me.Now the reasons are many fold.As usual nothing in the past months have inspired me enough to write about.There are many new malls and more and more people flocking to them and if you like me decide to go alone then it can be an unsettling and strange experience.The last week or so has been an eyeopener of sorts.We have been shaken out of our shells and forced to face a few new realities of the today's world.Heated discussion around our dining table has made us realise that the world has changed,parent child relationships are not what it used to be,education is no longer as sacred as we were brought up to believe and money actually grows on trees.

After months of deliberating of the merits of paying through my nose for a decent haircut (and in the process looking like something the cat brought in,with long straggly grey hair which adds ten years to my already ageing face) I decide to take the plunge.Now I do have expensive tastes but by certain acts of will power I have managed to stay clear of the debt trap and learnt to live within my means and indulge in the occasional splurge.Tony and Guy decided to open a shop in one of the fancy malls and as usual I decide to be guinea pig to this store.Before I can change my mind I have arrived at the shop and am made to wait for a few minutes.As I wait I realise that I am the few persons who actually thinks so much before spending money.The pretty young things as young as eighteen and under are flashing their parents add on cards with not a care in the world and getting haircuts and fancy treatments all set for Saturday night.I get my haircut done,chat up the hairdresser and when he is done with me I cant recognise myself.He has taken off years from my face at the same time making me look like I could walk bravely down a red carpet,except that he is at pains to tell me that he is a professional and I must not attempt to do this at home as I will end up deeply disappointed.I thank him and decided that I shall come back six months hence when the urge to look good gets to me.There is a party to attend so I am all set to look stunning.Ofcourse what I have forgotten is that the heat of my city can put a dampener to the smartest of hairstyles.By the time I have located my car at the end of a maze like parking bay,I am drenched in sweat and the hair is in danger of hanging limp.By the time I reach half way home,despite the air conditioning,I am beginning to look like a wet crow and by the time I reach home its time to wash away my indulgence under a shower.Hmm there I am back to normal except that the hair cut has begun to look like how it will when an armature like me had had a go at hairdressing (though its a lot better than what I looked like before).The party begins and our friend get a call from his eighteen year old asking for help getting into a pub which is acting difficult.I marvel at the pains the father takes to ensure that she gets in and gets her Saturday night fix of friends drink and general fun and games and I remember that even today I pretend to be drinking water (when in reality its vodka) when the mother is around and I cannot imagine admitting to my dad that I am out drinking.This is the changed relationship that exist between parents and children today.We came from formal relationships and by no stretch of imagination were my parents my friends,they were and still are parents.I realise that the world I know has long past and I try and understand what it means for my mother to be 80 and feel that the whole world has changed.Its strange this whole process of growing old by honestly I am thanking my stars that I has the best of a traditional upbringing along with the freedom to be my own person,enjoy life at a pace that put no pressure on me and today I can look at the current generation and feel no sense of regret.

Children and pressure

Everyday the new papers report at least one suicide by children too young (in my opinion) to know the meaning of stress.My friend a child psychologist tells me her patients are as young as six and I wonder what the world is coming to when childhood which to me was a time of no responsibility and carefree fun,now turns out to be pressure filled and stressful.I suspect that the problem must be parents but not being a parent myself,its politically incorrect to have a discussion on the subject (parents are very touchy about their kids and can get pretty nasty if one makes a comment on their brats).I dont bother about it untill today when I saw pressure in action.A swimming class is in progress for children in the age group of six to ten and I find that the area surrounding the pool is filled with young proud parents who have come to see their children learn to swim (one of the many things today children have to learn in addition to school work).All the parents have their camera phones on the ready to catch the moment when the kids make their first dive,they compare notes and exchange anxious looks if their kids are not as good as someone else.The children without exception are terrified and are crying in fear but the parents will not let off on the pressure.For one hour the kids will have to do what they have to do weather they like it or not.Now I have nothing against children learning new skills but shouldn't it be because they want to or because they have agreed to do so.Do they have to be under so much pressure because the parents have to keep up with their peers when comparing parenting notes.I look at the children in the changing room.Not a single parent is there to comfort or reassure,not one parent tells them that its fine to take ones time,there is no deadline to meet etc....nothing.Just more pressure to be back to the next class,more pressure to join the next activity after this.Now I am no longer surprised when I hear of children under pressure but I know that the problem is not that of the kids themselves but rather that of parents who are trying to live their lives through their children.Small wonder then that the rat race begins so early in life.....I have seen kids enjoy activities because their parents have introduced them to variety and put them into activities for which they have the aptitude or the inclination but this mad dash to keep up with the neighbours is doing nothing for the psychology of the children in our cities and towns and I shudder to think of how these children will turn out.Isn't life all about learning to take failure and success with the same level of sense and understand ? but who will teach them that.....

Swimming Chronicals 4

I am restless and the kind who can leave well alone so after the morning session of the swimming pool I am determined to do a bit of extra study (in this case practise).I join a friend who is a decent swimmer and off we go.The pool is full of young men in their twenties,middle aged men and a few old men along with a smattering of women (all of whom know how to swim).Now at the best of times,no one will attempt to talk to me(I am one of those grim faced woman who come across as unapproachable) but on the rare occasions that I choose to smile,its triggers all kinds of things.For them I attract unsolicited attention,conversations with strange men and advice of all kinds from people who would normally keep their opinions to themselves.Unfortunately I am at my vulnerable best in the pool so a smile crosses my face and from then on its downhill all the way.I went to the pool to practise my strokes and some breathing (my attempts at being a goldfish are not very rewarding).Now I have a man who has taken it upon himself to give me a lesson on physics.He tells me what happens when my head goes under water,he then goes on to tell me that my breathing sucks and that I have a long way to go and if I was thinking of being a swimmer well that was not going to happen (I didn't ask for his opinion but am too polite to say so).He goes off to the other end and I swim (or rather attempt) the small lap and try breathing.By then a 75 year old gent is at my side wanting to know how old I am.When the answer doesn't sound too attractive he tells me that I have a long way to go in the breathing department (like I don't know).My friend thankfully rescues me from both men and stands guard as i make feeble attempts to co ordinate arms,legs ,lungs and brain.Its all too much this orchestra especially for someone like me who is tone deaf,has no understanding of physics and am in no mood to listen to some men in the swimming pool.I put my grim face back,no smiles now just breath.My friend then teaches me how to float on my back (friends are friends because the know what will make you happy) and suddenly the world looks like a much better place.The clouds are beautiful,my body relaxes and I can enjoy the water.I could fall asleep like this except that I have a nasty feeling my brain may shut down and the body make get ideas of its own (I am no longer master of my body and soul).So I wait till my chief adviser goes back to the other end do a few more laps,get more water into my lungs than air and then decide to call it a day.My friend told me that I seem to puff out my cheeks when going into swim and somewhere my brain takes in this information and thinks that there is something there.I come home and practise my breathing again.Now after many attempts there is that eureka moment......finally I have discovered why I take in water and not air.I haven't even been breathing in the first place,just holding my breath and pretending.I think I may have found the solution to my problems but to check it out i have to wait another night.

Swimming Chronicals 3

Its day nine of the swimming classes and I have finally understood the true meaning of going off the deep end and the meaning of sink or swim.For years I have used these phrases in conversation thinking I knew what it was all about but there is nothing like a swimming class to bring home its true meaning.We have now been initiated into the deep end.This is around 9 feet in depth though the trainer refused to look me in the eye and confirm this.He insists that I jump and swim to the other end.In a brave attempt to be one with the class,I say a prayer asking God to forgive me my sins and jump into the water.Suddenly my arms and legs seem to be talking to each other (there were at cross purposed all this while) and my lungs hold up.I find myself on the other side having no idea how I got there,so there was I literally falling off the deep end and not sinking but swimming instead.Its a scary thought to not know that there is a ground beneath and only the presence of the trainer who insists on making us do "harm action" propels me on.It tool me awhile to understand why he wanted me to harm anyone until I realised that he meant arm action.In the water vulnerable as I am,its no time to worry about correct English pronunciation.He then told us to jump off the diving board.For the first time in my life I thanked God for not being young.It has its advantages,especially when I tell him with a sad face that at my age it may be a bit risky to do such jumps.(after all I am well past qualifying for the Olympics,let alone the local swimming championships).He nods and tells me I can skip it so off I go to do my goldfish act (except that I am an insult to the goldfish).I am glad when the clock strikes and I can mark yet another day in my calender.Three more days to go.

Swimming Chronicles 11

Day dawns with alarm at 5 am.There is a slight drizzle and my spirits lift,perhaps the class will be cancelled.I crashed last night at 10 pm well before my normal bedtime of 1am.In a bid to restore my flagging self esteem I went to the gym at 6 pm and worked out with a vengeance.Not a bright idea when the body is not used to such exercise twice a day but it was don't.The spin off is that dinner was a bit of a disaster as yours truly hadn't planned for it and the family is not about to starve for ones indulgences.The plants has to go without water as one was too tired to do the job and the mother had to do without my sparkling company as I was dead beat.Not such a great situation to be in when there is yet another class in the morning.Well i walk at the slowest speed and reach well in time.Once again we are asked to walk in water and hold our breadth etc and this time its a little better.Of course as long as there is support I am all for it.The real test comes when she expects us to push off and swim.Now I am told to open my eyes,keep my head under water,keep my legs straight and hands in front of me.How on earth am i expected to remember so many instructions when i am trying very hard to hold my breadth.The first few attempts puts me at the bottom of the class.I can see patience die on the instructors face and the rest of the class is jumping the ques.They are tired of my constant failed attempts.I decide that I must relax and enjoy it after all I am only aiming to float in the water and hang around in a pool on holiday so what have i to loose.Well i managed some,and found my self in the middle of the pool with no idea how I got there.The water is in my ears so I can hear instructions.I took in a bit of water yesterday which resulted in a bad stomach (considering what muck must be going into it) Today some more water gets in but i tell myself that if the immune system cant cope with this is doesn't deserve to be there in the first place.So I float and my muscles ache.Then arrives a new coach.A hefty man who is busy yelling instructions very much like the actors in the movie "police academy".Well call it woman's psychology but I am suddenly confident.He looks like he can fish me out of the pool with ease so I relax.He is also a little older than the woman coach so can understand what a herculean task it is for older students like us.Strange but i wasn't feeling so bad after all,infact maybe,maybe I may just make it to swimming.The husband said i looked happier so guess that's it.I am still marking days on the calender but i have to see this through.

Swimming Chronicles

When life was busy with work taking up most of my time,I told myself that there were hundred things to do before i die and these had to be done soon (before the old bones protested).Well its two years now since i quit full time work and what have I learnt?.I have become more regular in the gym which thank god is showing some results,then I learnt to cycle,though I still cant manage to cross a busy road on it for fear of being killed before I achieve even fifty of the hundred things.They say fortune favours the bold so one fine day after having looked at the swimming pool for ten days,I decided that I must leave the safe confines of Terra firma and venture into deep waters.In one mad moment I has paid up a thousand five hundred quid (princely sum considering how inconsistent I am),went and got myself a swimsuit which wonder of wonders holds the fat stomach in in such a manner that I can see my toes (though once in water all i can hear is a beating panicking heart and no toes but tiles).Thus armed I spent a restless night oscillating between fear,anxiety and various other emotions none of which did anything to my self confidence.Awake at five ,the husband agreed to walk me to the pool almost like seeing a child off to school on the first day.It was a good idea to get hold of a friend as we turned out to be the oldest in the class.The rest of them were young and agile.The coach then set about making us walk in the water,easy enough when one is clinging to the sides of the pool but not so easy when one is not.Certainly not when the deepest end of the pool is nine feet and the thought that no one will even notice me at the deep end is certainly putting me at a deep end emotionally.Breathing she says has to be through the mouth and my lazy lungs protest bitterly so much so that i am bobbing up like a gold fish for air long before the rest of the class.I manage to float but the true test is as always kept for the last.I am asked to kick myself off with hands in front of me and to hold head underwater.Not a great multi tasker at the best of times,this is asking too much of me.I try very hard but end up looking like those giant frogs in Discovery channel or even a duck.My legs I notice are above water and I am floundering to get balance.Oh dear what have i got myself into I am not sure.This is the first day and i am trilled when the bell goes.Unlike the more fortunate friends who had help with floaters to aid then this is learning swimming the Indian way so no props,and no support.I clamber out of the water to suddenly feel my body like dead weight.I curse myself for not having learnt these skills earlier but now that I have another eleven days to go I shall mark them on a calender to make it easier.And so tomorrow is another day....

Of monkeys and cold showers

Its been raining all night,in the hills the rain is like a symphony.One can almost hear a piece of music the rise and fall of raindrops on the roof.Its so loud on moment that one cant hear oneself and then it slows down and starts again.Even the tune is different.Its like a drumbeat at times,and then softens.Its mood changes.I listen to the downpour and wonder if we will wake up to flooded roads and with the music in my ears I fall asleep.

Its morning and the day dawns bright and warm with a promise of a beautiful day.As I get ready to face the day I am stoped dead in my tracks by a banging on the roof.Convinced that someone is hurling stones I wait for a reaction from someone but no on stirs.The noise continues and I wait hoping the roof doesn't cave in ,when I spot a family of monkeys.I think they have come for breakfast,an entire community of them chattering and jumping on the roof.I stay in till they leave and decide that a shower is in order and set anticipating a nice hot shower.Now this is the hills so patience is in order so I wait for the bone chilling cold water to turn warm.I have been told that hot showers are available.After a few minutes I give up and decide that this is just not my day.I extend one arm under the shower,then another,then a leg and by now I have turned numb and my body is turning blue but having come this far I may as well decide to finish.After numbness there is no pain,no feeling so I stand under the shower feeling not the cold pinpricks or the soap or anything for that matter.Finally I come out feeling rather heroic after all its not everyone who can take an ice cold shower in a cold hill station and live to tell the tale.The husband of course is the clever one,he checks the temperature of the water before he ventures out and is a safe man.....well but as I am in search of new experiences I mustn't complain.....of course after that experience I venture bravely into the cool with a cotton top and no sweater.I am ready to face the world.

Nightfall in the hills

Sleepless as always I have managed to find a book,a bottle of water and some magazines to keep me going.Its the night of our first day in the hills and I am yet to digest that rather large lunch and to get used to altitude.Feeling bloated I convince the husband that a long walk might kick start the metabolism and he agrees,though he is facing no problems with his body which seems to be listening to him unlike mine.We set off in sweater and caps to the road that will lead us to town.Its now cold but a nice cold and we take a stroll down hill which is rather easy.The husband walks while I roll after him at a steady pace.Having reached the end we need to climb back and I am determined to teach my body a lesson in discipline.We make it in good time,are greeted with yet another cup of tea and call it a day.The electric blanket is on and the husband is curled up and asleep by the time I finish my gossip session with my sister.Suddenly I am not feeling so cold anymore and as night falls here I am with a nice book,many copies of magazines and peace and quiet....the end of a rather long day that started in Madras