Istanbul-14/3/2011

We enter the airport and find that Turkey is almost as stylish as Europe.Everone is dressed in long black coats,knee length boots with high heels and designer sunglasses.Coats are in such variety that I cant imagine so much style could be possible.I am a bit put off by the way I look but consider this,I am a tourist and its highly unlikely that I will very merge into the rest of them.As we step out we are met by our guide called Genghis,young Turk,handsome and with a charming manner he has us eating out of his hands in no time.Our driver is called tokut (pronounced too good) and they teach us our first Turkish phrase.How to say thank you,he tells us we need to say "tea,shukre and a dream" all in rapid speed and we have learnt to say thank you.The husband practises for the rest of the trip to the hotel while I soak in the sights.Genghis is by now is flirting mode and decides to use me for that purpose,he claims he is the original Turkish delight and is suitably impressed when I giggle.I am not complaining .Its the first time I have seen this many handsome men all at one shot so looks like this is going to be a soothing trip for the eyes.

Our hotel is bang in the centre of the commercial district in the European side and Taksim square is a close call.We wander around find a place close by to drink our tea in,then check out the food.having been told that the kebab is the best I make my way to the most crowded place and order a doner kebab put together in pita bread and loads of fresh veggies.Wow,now that was something good,not having enough I head out to the next place,order some great looking salad,aubergines with mince meat soaking in olive oil which is a killer dish.Not spicy as I know spice but delicately flavoured and smooth,served with pilaf its a great meal to start the holiday with.The husband for once cant complain about the food as its loaded with vegetables all of which he recognises and as a side dish there are pickled green chillies,no cause for complaint.A good refreshing nap later we are ready to check out the evenings in Istanbul.Perfect weather to dress us and that sees me wrapped up in good black clothes and high heels and I almost feel a part of the landscape.Never mind a bit of protests from the feet,no pain no gain is what I say.Dinner us yet another adventure,we walk down the street full of people rushing around looking busy,thankfully this is not a typical touristy place so one can see the locals as they are and check out what they do in the evenings.It looks like the favourite pass time is to drink tea,smoke hookahs and play back gammon.The only drink that seem to be consumed are the local Raki (a drink flavoured with aniseed and a faint smell of some other spice) and beer.Salad,buttermilk,chicken and mushroom topped with cheese and plenty of olive oil to drip the bread in and lots of rice,this is almost feeling like home.Its been a long day and we sink into comfortable beds and soft pillows and call it a day.Our first day in Istanbul has been great

14/3/2011-Midair

On board Turkish airlines,at 5.30 am and as India awakes yours truly is being forced into sleep by efficient air hostesses who down the window blinds,switch off the light and try to make us sleep.The husband as usual doesn't need much encouragement and is off like lights.I am on high alert as usual.Discover that the airline has a great selection of music from the 60s and 70s so spend time listening to music,taking loo breaks and drinking tea (discover early that the Turks are as addicted to tea as I am and that says a lot).

Morning dawns as we near Istanbul and as I look out the mountains come into view,deep blue and half covered in snow.For someone who has never seen snow this takes my breath away.It looks like blueberry ice cream served with whipped cream,one is tempted to scoop it up.as we loose height the sea comes into view,magnificent blue flecked with white and all around there are boats and ships.Smooth touchdown in Istanbul.My face falls as I see the sun shining outside but I quickly recover my spirits,the temperature outside is 10 degrees as as we disembark I feel the whiff of cool air and I pinch myself not quiet sure if I have made the journey across the continents

Mumbai-13/3/2011

6pm on a flight to Bombay,our snacks on the airplane are best forgotten,heavy potato cakes and cottage cheese that has seen better day,not a recipe for a good stomach on a long haul trip but hungry that I am I do eat it.Unfortunately the lady behind us was sick,threw up over the next passenger and the smell of sick was so overpowering I had to keep the contents of my stomach still by a sheer act of will.The aircraft is smothered with freshener and doesn't help.Well we make it to Bombay safe(this is after I nearly missed the flight being too engrossed in a pair of sunglasses by Gucci at the airport shop).Long taxi trip with an unhappy taxi driver sees is land up in a friends house on a short break in transit.

3.15am-Bombay-Having suffered a running stomach for more than four hours and chatting late into the night,its nearing my normal bed time of 1.30 am but there is no rest for the wicked.Leave for the airport half asleep and tottering on high heels (call it stupidity or plain vanity,I hate the thought of arriving anywhere in Europe in any thing other than a nice paid of black high heels) and go through the formalities,which are not as painful as expected except for the heat that is getting to me.The husband insists its cold but I beg to differ.Find a lone chair in the lounge and watch Europeans and Turks done many layers of clothes,whats with me? I am the only one in one layer and feeling hot...By now I am exhausted ,the stomach is empty that's to the runs,I am hungry and miserable and promise myself that I shall ask forgiveness for such unhappy thought in the first mosque or church I come across.In the meanwhile I long for the comfort of my bed.

Holidays

This is the only time I miss the laptop,when I am travelling in a strange place and want to note down everything and all the experiences,so i do it the old fashioned way,carry a note book and pen and write a diary of events every evening.Its a bother really but considering how shallow my memories are this is the best way...I went to Turkey for ten days and has a great time,it was my first experience of winter (it was almost at its end) and for me the cold was exhilarating and so beautiful.I met people from so many countries,learnt so much from the interactions and found that like minded people live all over the world.We found commonalities in thinking,in values and in our experiences despite the countries being so far apart culturally.To me that's what defines travel,its the enriching experience of seeing places and people and though conducted tour cant give one the essence of every country it does make for some unique experiences all the same.

This is why my greatest ambition is to travel and wander the world as much as I can.I have been so inspired by some people,amused by others that all of them must form a part of one of the posts that are to come.....written up in this blog after coming home

Aunty Patty and Christmas

It was Christmas eve and a party was on in full swing next door,it was well after midnight but none of us could sleep thanks to the fun next door,the music was at full volume and the merry making was going on well after food and many a drink later.

I watched the fun from our bedroom window,my mother didn't approve of parties so I wasn't allowed to attend despite some rather nice looking boys asking me over.I was 13 and still under my parents roof so the rules were rules.My father was also forbidden to attend and was sulking in some corner of the house.My mother after having enforced the rules,managed to drop off to sleep.Sometime after midnight she woke up sweating (unusual for a December night in madras) then started to act strangely.She called out to me insisting she was dying and looking terrified at what might happen to me once she was gone.I was terrified as I had never seen her like this,then her body went cold and she was beginning to look like death.Call it survival or just instinct but I ran over next door(jumped the compound fence actually ) and told the party next door that my mother was dying.My father never at his best in a crisis just wrung his hands and looked on helplessly.In no time at all a very efficient aunt from the party arrived.She came armed with Christmas cake and brandy (very strange things to bring to someones house when she thought there may be someone dying,but she obviously knew what she was about).In no time at all she had put my father to work rubbing brandy into my mothers cold body while she managed to stuff some cake down her mouth.In a matter of minutes the mother was back to normal.I was convinced that Patty (that was her name) was either god or an angel or just a plain miracle worker who had saved me from a life in the workhouse.She then turned to me and explained that my mother being diabetic ,had just had a nasty bout of hypoglycemia or low sugar and all i needed to do in another emergency was to give her a quick sugar boost.I learnt to live with diabetes from that time on but I will never forget her for what she did.For years afterwards the memory of that Christmas party will stay etched in my mind.Today many years later that house has become apartments and I live in one of them.Every Christmas we continue to have a big party just like they did and I always remember her with thanks in my heart.

Babysitter me

At the best of times i am a bad babysitter,babies not being one of my favourite beings so when my niece asked me if i would babysit her kids for an afternoon i refused point blank but when she asked me again in the evening and promised me that her kids would sleep while she was out watching a movie I didn't think it was a big deal so agreed.After all the parents seemed very confident and her kids are well brought up so I didn't think i had cause to worry.Of course I agreed only after I made sure she would put them to sleep before leaving so all settled I saw them off and went off to bed.Having had a long day i was asleep in no time at all.The husband has also gone off for the movie with the gang so there was just me and the two kids fast asleep no problem at all.They had even given me the script in the unlikely event that the children woke up so everything seemed fine.I was in dreamland soon enough and was having this rather vivid dream when I heard crying in the far recesses of my brain.Something stirred,some vague memory of kids in the house and before i knew it I was out of bed and out of the room.Imagine my horror at seeing two kids standing outside my room bawling their heads off asking for their mother.In my half sleepy state I tried hard to think straight,remember the script i told myself.Finally I remembered they were to be offered water.I dashed off to do that got them to drink some water and then told them their parents would be back in a minute.I was told to say that as the kids probably don't know how long a minute is and I am guessing this is one of those undefinable minutes that can stretch to hours.Well the parent knew what they were talking about as the kids bought into it.Then I had the bright idea to getting them under a comforter in my room and the younger kid fell asleep at once.The older one thought it was a good opportunity for a chat with an otherwise uncommunicative aunt.Now being a real clueless baby person I was in panic,now what can one possibly say to a five year old at midnight?.She seemed to have had it all worked out.She started by asking me if the husband has gone along with her parents,she figured he was the last person to abandon someone as clueless as me which really meant that her parents would come back eventually.At this point i thought a phone message to the parents was in order.Hadn't realised that the child in question is a good reader and as i struggled to type the message without the aid of my glassed and in darkness,the child was reading over my shoulder and seemed seriously amused at my panic.Honestly there is nothing like a clueless aunt to make children see fun and games dancing before their eyes....and so i sensed glee of some kind in the child.....saved by the doorbell.Never have i been so happy to hear a squeaky gate and the door bell.The parents were back and I had the kids off my hands......funny when i saw them again in the morning they didn't look half as alarming as they did at night....oh dear that is the last time i babysit anyone....

Modern housing and amenities

We have all gone through the stage of house hunting,we pour over the ads in the papers,check the advertisements,buy into some of all the hype and end up with a flat or house (in most cases a flat if one is living in this part of the world) which may not be the thing of your dreams but is rather close.I did it too and cant say I am unhappy with the choice,but there are things I need changed.

The ads in the papers brag of swimming pools,gyms,schools,utility stores,walkways,gardens and what have you.All sound very inviting especially as most people invest in homes in their 20s and 30s.Which brings me to my point.We live in high rise building with elevators but none of those can accommodate a stretcher or a coffin. I have been at the receiving end of this lack of amenities.Living with old parents does mean that one cannot blind oneself to the possibility of them falling ill and needing to be taken to a hospital in an ambulance on a stretcher,nor can one ignore the face that they will pass on and need to be taken down in a coffin.Shouldn't there be dignity in death.My flat for instance has cars and bikes that take up all of the parking space.There isn't enough space to swing a cat let alone get a stretcher through.I had the misfortune of having to help my mother down with a drip down her arm and in a half conscious state because the stairway was too narrow to accommodate a stretcher.Then when the father passed on the coffin had to be brought down by the narrow stairway and one wondered why he had to be pushed and shoved to get it all down.Recently I went to another funeral,same story,this time the coffin came down from the second floor.What is one expected to do if one lives on the seventh or eleventh floor.Why don't we plan ahead,do builders and investors believe that people will never grow old,will never need an ambulance or die.Why are our high rise buildings so elderly unfriendly.Don't we care or are we too caught up in the mad rush to build higher and provide amenities that are only suited to the young or do we just need to live in denial.I agree that it may be morbid to think of death while still alive but increasingly with old people living alone it is something we need to think about after all the population of this country will also grow old sooner or later.I have spent a large part of my life with old people in cities and it pains me to see that so little thought is given to the basics of people who have given so much and receive so little in return.Perhaps I should insist on these amenities in the future but will I be a lone voice?

The year that was

The year 2011 has arrived and I thought it best to do a review of the year gone by.To say that it was near perfect would be an understatement.I cant remember another year that was so stress free and good and I wouldn't complain if there is a repeat performance.

We started off going to Hyderabad for our annual visit to the in laws (actually my annual visit,the husband visits more often).A week of doing nothing can get a bit tough especially for someone like me who's attention span is really little.But it was one of those relaxing weeks when I discovered new andhra dishes that I made my favourites.It was also a time to catch up on friends in that city.Our next trip was in April when on the spur of the moment we jumped into the car and made off to Bangalore.The unplanned trips are the best.My sister in laws house is so huge that one can get lost in it and since she is super cool and relaxed its a time to walk around the campus,drink endless cups of green tea and chat for hours on end.Of course Bangalore was hot but madras is hotter so that's fine.

Summer was a real hot affair in madras and as luck would have it my elder sister broke her leg (now don't get me wrong,wasn't lucky for her but this was the only way one gets time to spend with her,in normal times she has wheels on her feet) so off we went to ooty and to the cool of the blue mountains.All we did on that trip was to eat all the time and walk a mile everyday to digest what we ate only to start all over again.Of course the fun part was the birthday party her daughter and i russled up and the time when the kids tried outsmarting us but we won in the end.

There is something to be said about travelling,it can become addictive.Once again we were off to Bangalore thanks to a cricket test match that the husband wanted to go for and the fact that a friend from London was in town and it meant quality time with old friends.The trip we women took to srirangapatnam was such fun that we have decided to do it all over again every year in a new place.Wow now that something to look forward to.

Finally one last fling took us to Cochin and the navy ball and all the drama associated with navy week,the fun times with our friends,visiting the markets of kerala looking for fish and foods of my childhood and the warm hot days and the cool waters of the backwaters of kerala

The year was not just about travelling,there was the big relief that right through the year the mother kept good health and seemed far more relaxed,the other highlight was all the stuff I learnt ,from swimming to yoga and regular bouts at the gym were enough to keep me in good health,unfortunately the same cant be said about the husband who is still battling the common cold,and it looks like its going to be a constant in his life.

There were the sad bits when friends lost their parents to old age and some of them old folk happen to be my friends,to watch them suffer and not be able to do anything about it is sad but one hopes that the memories of their lives will stay with us and we have learnt lessons from their lives.

I loved 2010 for all it many highs and I hope that 2011 will keep me forever young in mind and spirit

Sign boards in the vernacular

There is a rule that all signboards in the city must have the vernacular boards also in addition to the English ones.My guess is that this is for the benefit of people who do not understand English.Now i think that is a good rule but what baffles me is this.I drive through the city and every board has the equivalent in Tamil,except that the English board is rewritten in Tamil,so we have pharmacy and medical shop written in Tamil,or take "established in ......" or "bone and spine clinic" etc.Now of course I know what bone means in English but if the whole point is to make the non English understand what would they understand by writing bone in Tamil,shouldn't it be "elambu"shouldn't medical shop be"maratuva kadai".The whole purpose is lost.What the government means is surely a translation of what the establishment stands for.Of course the name has to be rewritten in the vernacular as it is,but that's excusable,after all it is a name,but for the life of me i cant understand why we don't translate.In a city like madras where the Tamil language has a host of English words that one sooner or later thinks is Tamil,this problem may not be so severe but imagine the villages....when do we learn to follow the rule not as it is but as it is meant to be....

The Buzz words

Watch any news channel and you can be sure that some words are very dear to some news reporters.Some of them drag their words with much humming and hawing during that time.Me thinks the teleprompter is not working to well.Then there is the use of some words with no relevance.Some of them are as follows.

indeed

absolutely

on the other side

right

eer

these are just some of them,then one has to contend with the various accents,ranging from American Indian to some that are strange to ones ears.News channels are so funny to watch that they are now a great source of entertainment.For real news devoid of all the emotions and the rants of news readers.....i stay with the BBC....

Corruption and the media

The tv channels are full of corruption stories,there are hysterical news reporters to indignant ones who are judge and jury and have already sentensed many a corrupt person long before the courts can give a verdict.The newspapers are also full of such stories,and as for the general public,well some of us share the angst of the TV channels,others have decided to take a moderate view.

I for one am not sure what my reaction should be.Look at it from a day to day perspective of an ordinary individual like me.I have to pay off the garbage man to remove my garbage despite the fact that I pay taxes and he gets a salary.If I don't he doesn't pick up the garbage despite it being his job to do so....is this a bribe,is this corruption?.Then I need to pay off many people in the course of various chores in my life.But these are minor ones.The same newspapers and TV channels,will happily pay off the government in crores to get their licenses,will they then tell themselves that this is corruption and one should refrain from doing so.I doubt it,as it will mean that someone else got a license and business will suffer.Corporate India has funds ready in huge amounts to pay off the corrupt but they will be the first to claim that corruption has to be taken out of the system.Right now each of the political parties are trying to paint themselves as better than the rest but we all know that its a choice between a rock and a hard place.The BJP will claim to be against corruption but they are the most narrow minded and the most corrupt in more ways than one,the lady in madras sees an opportunity to fight her case in the coming elections,but have we all forgotten that there are ever so many cases against her.The prime minister gives a diplomatic answer and everyone is out to get him.Lets face it the man is clean and just because he refused to answer every silly question put to him by some journalist or the other,doesn't make him corrupt.While the media must report cases,they must also not resort to judgments,after all we do have a corrupt judicial system in place that will try and punish the corrupt people and the tv channels will then go on to a different story and continue paying off who ever has to be paid off while going hammer and tongs on how corrupt the system is.This is a national disease that we have now learnt to live with.It simply boils down to the fact that if we stand up to corruption ,we will have to suffer the consequences.The question rally is....how many of us have the guts to do that....when we are ready to act,we should talk then,until that time,this is just another news story that can get in more trps.....

Its raining cats

Its raining cats....a cyclone has hit the city and early morning we woke up to gale winds and beautiful rain and cool weather (for those of us in this hot city this is paradise).My heart sang as i looked forward to a new day and endless possibilities but had not contended with the fact that some cats have been in action and the end result is that there were two kittens trying to snuggle up in the bonnet of my car.Terrified that I would cause their death the maid and i tried to get them out and after much shouting on her part they ventured out.I dashed off to do my shopping.Came back to find the most adorable kittens curled up on my doorstep.Now once again after six months my heart aches.I cant stand by and watch them without giving them a cuddle,they are irresistible.Then the poor things have to survive in the cold and i am dying to give them some hot milk.Unfortunately the husband wont have any of it.He doesn't like animals and wants us to not encourage them.Of course when you love animals there are many ways to work around the system.So while the husband took his afternoon nap and the mother kept watch over him,I sneaked out some milk.This happened twice.By the evening my constant updates on the kittens could have melted the hardest of hearts and the husband actually gave me a box to keep them warm.Surprise surprise....there are three and not two,where did the new one come from,who are the parents.I have no idea.Endless mewing and I have to investigate,only to find the staircase has a kitten on every landing.Now I am in a fix.I cant eat my dinner as guilt is eating me,I cant go out and feed them as the husband is lurking around and the mother is not happy at my so called indifference.I curse the cats who left their offspring at my doorstep,I beat myself up about my soft heart (i have tried to become hard hearted but its not easy).Just when it all gets too much my neighbour comes down with a bowl of food and the kittens follow.Thank god I say,the burden is shared.I go back to the first kitten who came my way and how my heart broke when I had to give him up for adoption I cant go through this again ...and i wonder what happened to me,I who have never cared too much for cats,just cant resist the kittens.I swear to keep away from animal planet....the animals are driving me nuts,but who can resist those beautiful eyes,those little bundles of fur....so another day of sneaking food

The festival of lights

Its called the festival of lights but most often than not its the festival of sound.At the end of a long day of continuous din of firecrackers,my eardrums are under stress as is my throbbing head not least of all my poor eyes that have been dazzled by the glare of a thousand fireworks that light up the night sky on Diwali.But there is something about this festival (that unlike all other Hindu festivals),transcends religious beliefs and becomes a common festival that everyone can indulge in.Its a time when friends will come home with boxes of sweets (diets are out of the window,all the days of keeping away from the sugars are best forgotten) and dried fruits.Its a time for indulgences and shops full of people.Houses lit up with a thousand lights and everyone rushing to fit in last minute shopping.Living in a mixed religion house we celebrate Diwali and Christmas as the only religious festivals that this house has.It a time when all our friends come over and we manage to have those unplanned festivities that are the best.When the day is over its a sad feeling as the only next big thing is Christmas and already we have friends who are leaving out of town and family with their own agendas so will it be just the husband ,the mother and me around the Christmas tree or will it all turn out fine and the house burst at the seams with guests and the kitchen kept busy with aromas and good food.....i guess I shall wait

The men in the pool

After almost four months since i started swimming I am not about to give up.Its been an uphill task or should I say a watery one,nevertheless I have made great progress in my opinion.I can now do the breadth of the pool from the shallow end and reach the other side without much ado though anyone hearing me heave and pant may just send for an ambulance and no one can blame them for it.Here I am kidding myself that all the yoga and gyming is keeping me fit and full of stamina and one lap in the pool is enough to dispel all such illusions.

But swimming is not the only thing that happens there.It is a known fact that the ratio of men to woman is heavily skewed towards men so one has to be on the look out for compulsive gawkers and the ones who are dying to start a conversation.It will invariable start with some tip on swimming and then move on to ones life history.One man has been looking at us with a great deal of intensity but hadn't plucked up the courage to talk,we knew it was a matter of time before he lost control and sure enough he broke the other day.It always starts with "how long have you been swimming",then moves on to the frequency of swimming,if I inform then that i am not a regular swimmer they need to know why (i still cant understand this great need to figure out what i do with my time).The the next question is to weather i work.I say no with a deadpan expression (no point in telling them that i was a full time working woman till recently,this can only lead to more questions).They then assume I am a housewife (I dont dispel that notion as it gives one a staid image though they do look puzzled,as I don't fit their image of nice housewife).The next question is what really throws the real conservatives.How many children do you have is met with my answer of "no children".This is a huge full stop.Most men in this country don't know how to deal with that,as do most woman (but we are dealing with men at this point).They are not sure what to do after that.Of course i could put them out of their misery by swimming to the other end but considering my privacy has been invaded I have no intentions of making it comfortable for them.Well the next thing one knows,the man is question will swim away and not come my way for a while.....perfect.Ofcourse there are the nosy ones and the one one cant get rid of who carry on the most inane conversation and will not budge until questions have been answered.These I avoid,by now well aware of all types and their swimming schedules,I am out of the pool the moment the creeps get in.Of course there are the nice gentlemen who will watch my progress,give excellent advice and clap or encourage every time i cross a milestone in my swimming progress.These are the ones to keep company with.Should I make the unfortunate mistake of sinking at the deep end these will be the one who will haul me out.In the meanwhile I swim and swim determined to conquer the stamina bit and the deep end.The next time i see water I will want to plunge then my swimming saga will be complete

Swimming woes

Its been three months since my last swimming class and I have been going to the pool twice a week.I was told by everyone that in two months time I would be swimming the length of the pool and would enjoy it.Well if I were to count the days I may have done two months of swimming but apart from the 4ft end of the pool it doesn't look like I am getting anywhere.'Have enlisted a friend who spends time trying to make me do it all right.I know how to float holding my breadth,I can kick pretty well,I can also move my hands but tell me to do all three together and breath and panic strikes,and before i know it half the water in the pool has been swallowed and i am nowhere close to learning to master this sport.

I am now breathing and kicking and moving my arms,or at least trying to,but the moment i come up for air all i get is water....there are others who manage to move and reach goals,kids who jump in and enjoy it,old people who seem to take to it like ducks and here I am waiting and trying but just not getting it.....when will i ever learn.....be sure there is a party when I break the world record for the longest time taken to learn swimming

Rat attack

In the many years that I was in the corporate sector,I have met a number of rats in the eternal rat race that work life is in the big bad world of business.Some have outsmarted me and others have been killed in the bargain,so its natural that I had it all figured out.I knew every trick in the book to deal with rats of all kinds.Except that in the rodent world of survival,the odd are against the rat and therefore the innovation and expertise they bring into their range of survival skills is not something that can be taught in any business school.

For the last few months we have been plagued by a family of rats who believe it is their right to invade out kitchen.Much like the toys in children's books who come alive after midnight,the rats in our area come into the kitchen the moment we switch off the lights and go to bed.Now we take pains to hide all foodstuffs,clean the kitchen remove all dirty dishes etc etc but the rat comes in,knocks a few things down,scampers over all the kitchen exploring things and when it gets tired,it climbs up the chimney to the loft and goes to sleep.Our first course of action was to trap them but having failed to gather courage to deal with their killing we had to rat proof the kitchen.It started with closing the windows of the kitchen,then they came in through the dining room so now we spend half an hour ever evening closing all the windows (and in the process dying of heat and humidity in the house).We invested in good wire mesh and sealed all possible entry points to and from the kitchen.We now find that the rat has decide that the balcony is his new home so the next step is to close those windows too.Funny how our conversations are all rat centered,we have become obsessed with the rat population in this area.Our lives revolve around the rat.The husband and I no longer fight about anything but the rat and how foolproof the husbands efforts have been in restricting entry into the house.My friends with similar problems discuss new ways of outsmarting the rat.It is an insult to our intelligence that this creature who is well below us in the evolution chain,can cause such fear,heartache and disgust in out lives.Strange.....I am beginning to think those corporate rats were a harmless lot after all

Traffic Sense

Some twenty years ago I bought myself a bike not knowing how to ride a bicycle this was quiet an achievement.I learnt to ride it though after many a fall and bruise till I was pretty sure of myself on the road.It was a bit battle scared by the time I was ready to trade it in for a car.I have been driving the car now for over 10 years and haven't had too many mishaps except during the int ital years.But over the years I have learnt a few home truths especially if you live in my part of the woods.Its came home to me this morning when I had to pick a scrap with a young chap who simply refused to move out of my way despite being parked in the wrong place.So for the uninitiated here are a few ground rules to negotiate traffic in this country.

1.Before you leave home and get into the car make sure that common sense,courtesy and good manners are locked in the cupboard.Replace this with loads of aggression,stupidity and a total disregard for fellow citizens on the road.

2.At all times make sure to park in front of someones gate.(parking spaces are few and far between so grab the place and never mind if the people who live there have an emergency or simply need to go out and take their car with them,remember you have left common sense at home)

3.If someone has parallel parked in a designated parking space,make sure to park just behind them,switch off your engine,take the key and disappear for hours on end (chances are that the nice person who parked the right way is left stranded not being able to take his car out thanks to you,but remember he ought to have left good sense at home)

4.If anyone flashed his lights at you on the road,don't give way,drive on like you haven't seen a thing after all you need to get to your destination and to hell with what the other guy wants.

5.Make sure you always overtake from the left (in this country we drive on the left) and never mind that the person you are trying to overtake doesn't see you.

6.Make sure that if you want to turn to the right you don't have to be in the right lane.Do all of the above and cut across from the far left of the road at breakneck speed and leave the poor drivers on the right side either too shocked to react or dead in the bargain.

7.Indicators must have been the fancy of some automobile designer but they don't really serve any purpose so don't bother using them after all you will still be overtaken if you did.

8.Put your headlights on full beam as soon as the sun sets,this will make the driver on the opposite side blind but do you care?

9.The red light at the traffic signal ....well if you must you could stop but if your in a hurry just hurtle across the light and be gone

10.Make sure you honk all the time and as loud as you can,remember most people wont hear you or couldn't care less.

And if after all this you want to park your car,remember designated parking is for the foolish.This is Madras,this is India,learn to live by the rules you set.

Am I being funny and irresponsible?Well after having been subjected to all of the above on the roads of this city I am not sure who issues driving licenses nor am I sure where people learn to drive.Honestly some of the biggest offenders are the so called well off educated types with fancy expensive cars so am I surprised that the rest are not far behind?

My Changing World

Its been ages since I have bothered to write anything at all so much so that the new windows version on my new laptop looks like Greek and Latin to me.Now the reasons are many fold.As usual nothing in the past months have inspired me enough to write about.There are many new malls and more and more people flocking to them and if you like me decide to go alone then it can be an unsettling and strange experience.The last week or so has been an eyeopener of sorts.We have been shaken out of our shells and forced to face a few new realities of the today's world.Heated discussion around our dining table has made us realise that the world has changed,parent child relationships are not what it used to be,education is no longer as sacred as we were brought up to believe and money actually grows on trees.

After months of deliberating of the merits of paying through my nose for a decent haircut (and in the process looking like something the cat brought in,with long straggly grey hair which adds ten years to my already ageing face) I decide to take the plunge.Now I do have expensive tastes but by certain acts of will power I have managed to stay clear of the debt trap and learnt to live within my means and indulge in the occasional splurge.Tony and Guy decided to open a shop in one of the fancy malls and as usual I decide to be guinea pig to this store.Before I can change my mind I have arrived at the shop and am made to wait for a few minutes.As I wait I realise that I am the few persons who actually thinks so much before spending money.The pretty young things as young as eighteen and under are flashing their parents add on cards with not a care in the world and getting haircuts and fancy treatments all set for Saturday night.I get my haircut done,chat up the hairdresser and when he is done with me I cant recognise myself.He has taken off years from my face at the same time making me look like I could walk bravely down a red carpet,except that he is at pains to tell me that he is a professional and I must not attempt to do this at home as I will end up deeply disappointed.I thank him and decided that I shall come back six months hence when the urge to look good gets to me.There is a party to attend so I am all set to look stunning.Ofcourse what I have forgotten is that the heat of my city can put a dampener to the smartest of hairstyles.By the time I have located my car at the end of a maze like parking bay,I am drenched in sweat and the hair is in danger of hanging limp.By the time I reach half way home,despite the air conditioning,I am beginning to look like a wet crow and by the time I reach home its time to wash away my indulgence under a shower.Hmm there I am back to normal except that the hair cut has begun to look like how it will when an armature like me had had a go at hairdressing (though its a lot better than what I looked like before).The party begins and our friend get a call from his eighteen year old asking for help getting into a pub which is acting difficult.I marvel at the pains the father takes to ensure that she gets in and gets her Saturday night fix of friends drink and general fun and games and I remember that even today I pretend to be drinking water (when in reality its vodka) when the mother is around and I cannot imagine admitting to my dad that I am out drinking.This is the changed relationship that exist between parents and children today.We came from formal relationships and by no stretch of imagination were my parents my friends,they were and still are parents.I realise that the world I know has long past and I try and understand what it means for my mother to be 80 and feel that the whole world has changed.Its strange this whole process of growing old by honestly I am thanking my stars that I has the best of a traditional upbringing along with the freedom to be my own person,enjoy life at a pace that put no pressure on me and today I can look at the current generation and feel no sense of regret.

Children and pressure

Everyday the new papers report at least one suicide by children too young (in my opinion) to know the meaning of stress.My friend a child psychologist tells me her patients are as young as six and I wonder what the world is coming to when childhood which to me was a time of no responsibility and carefree fun,now turns out to be pressure filled and stressful.I suspect that the problem must be parents but not being a parent myself,its politically incorrect to have a discussion on the subject (parents are very touchy about their kids and can get pretty nasty if one makes a comment on their brats).I dont bother about it untill today when I saw pressure in action.A swimming class is in progress for children in the age group of six to ten and I find that the area surrounding the pool is filled with young proud parents who have come to see their children learn to swim (one of the many things today children have to learn in addition to school work).All the parents have their camera phones on the ready to catch the moment when the kids make their first dive,they compare notes and exchange anxious looks if their kids are not as good as someone else.The children without exception are terrified and are crying in fear but the parents will not let off on the pressure.For one hour the kids will have to do what they have to do weather they like it or not.Now I have nothing against children learning new skills but shouldn't it be because they want to or because they have agreed to do so.Do they have to be under so much pressure because the parents have to keep up with their peers when comparing parenting notes.I look at the children in the changing room.Not a single parent is there to comfort or reassure,not one parent tells them that its fine to take ones time,there is no deadline to meet etc....nothing.Just more pressure to be back to the next class,more pressure to join the next activity after this.Now I am no longer surprised when I hear of children under pressure but I know that the problem is not that of the kids themselves but rather that of parents who are trying to live their lives through their children.Small wonder then that the rat race begins so early in life.....I have seen kids enjoy activities because their parents have introduced them to variety and put them into activities for which they have the aptitude or the inclination but this mad dash to keep up with the neighbours is doing nothing for the psychology of the children in our cities and towns and I shudder to think of how these children will turn out.Isn't life all about learning to take failure and success with the same level of sense and understand ? but who will teach them that.....

Swimming Chronicals 4

I am restless and the kind who can leave well alone so after the morning session of the swimming pool I am determined to do a bit of extra study (in this case practise).I join a friend who is a decent swimmer and off we go.The pool is full of young men in their twenties,middle aged men and a few old men along with a smattering of women (all of whom know how to swim).Now at the best of times,no one will attempt to talk to me(I am one of those grim faced woman who come across as unapproachable) but on the rare occasions that I choose to smile,its triggers all kinds of things.For them I attract unsolicited attention,conversations with strange men and advice of all kinds from people who would normally keep their opinions to themselves.Unfortunately I am at my vulnerable best in the pool so a smile crosses my face and from then on its downhill all the way.I went to the pool to practise my strokes and some breathing (my attempts at being a goldfish are not very rewarding).Now I have a man who has taken it upon himself to give me a lesson on physics.He tells me what happens when my head goes under water,he then goes on to tell me that my breathing sucks and that I have a long way to go and if I was thinking of being a swimmer well that was not going to happen (I didn't ask for his opinion but am too polite to say so).He goes off to the other end and I swim (or rather attempt) the small lap and try breathing.By then a 75 year old gent is at my side wanting to know how old I am.When the answer doesn't sound too attractive he tells me that I have a long way to go in the breathing department (like I don't know).My friend thankfully rescues me from both men and stands guard as i make feeble attempts to co ordinate arms,legs ,lungs and brain.Its all too much this orchestra especially for someone like me who is tone deaf,has no understanding of physics and am in no mood to listen to some men in the swimming pool.I put my grim face back,no smiles now just breath.My friend then teaches me how to float on my back (friends are friends because the know what will make you happy) and suddenly the world looks like a much better place.The clouds are beautiful,my body relaxes and I can enjoy the water.I could fall asleep like this except that I have a nasty feeling my brain may shut down and the body make get ideas of its own (I am no longer master of my body and soul).So I wait till my chief adviser goes back to the other end do a few more laps,get more water into my lungs than air and then decide to call it a day.My friend told me that I seem to puff out my cheeks when going into swim and somewhere my brain takes in this information and thinks that there is something there.I come home and practise my breathing again.Now after many attempts there is that eureka moment......finally I have discovered why I take in water and not air.I haven't even been breathing in the first place,just holding my breath and pretending.I think I may have found the solution to my problems but to check it out i have to wait another night.

Swimming Chronicals 3

Its day nine of the swimming classes and I have finally understood the true meaning of going off the deep end and the meaning of sink or swim.For years I have used these phrases in conversation thinking I knew what it was all about but there is nothing like a swimming class to bring home its true meaning.We have now been initiated into the deep end.This is around 9 feet in depth though the trainer refused to look me in the eye and confirm this.He insists that I jump and swim to the other end.In a brave attempt to be one with the class,I say a prayer asking God to forgive me my sins and jump into the water.Suddenly my arms and legs seem to be talking to each other (there were at cross purposed all this while) and my lungs hold up.I find myself on the other side having no idea how I got there,so there was I literally falling off the deep end and not sinking but swimming instead.Its a scary thought to not know that there is a ground beneath and only the presence of the trainer who insists on making us do "harm action" propels me on.It tool me awhile to understand why he wanted me to harm anyone until I realised that he meant arm action.In the water vulnerable as I am,its no time to worry about correct English pronunciation.He then told us to jump off the diving board.For the first time in my life I thanked God for not being young.It has its advantages,especially when I tell him with a sad face that at my age it may be a bit risky to do such jumps.(after all I am well past qualifying for the Olympics,let alone the local swimming championships).He nods and tells me I can skip it so off I go to do my goldfish act (except that I am an insult to the goldfish).I am glad when the clock strikes and I can mark yet another day in my calender.Three more days to go.

Swimming Chronicles 11

Day dawns with alarm at 5 am.There is a slight drizzle and my spirits lift,perhaps the class will be cancelled.I crashed last night at 10 pm well before my normal bedtime of 1am.In a bid to restore my flagging self esteem I went to the gym at 6 pm and worked out with a vengeance.Not a bright idea when the body is not used to such exercise twice a day but it was don't.The spin off is that dinner was a bit of a disaster as yours truly hadn't planned for it and the family is not about to starve for ones indulgences.The plants has to go without water as one was too tired to do the job and the mother had to do without my sparkling company as I was dead beat.Not such a great situation to be in when there is yet another class in the morning.Well i walk at the slowest speed and reach well in time.Once again we are asked to walk in water and hold our breadth etc and this time its a little better.Of course as long as there is support I am all for it.The real test comes when she expects us to push off and swim.Now I am told to open my eyes,keep my head under water,keep my legs straight and hands in front of me.How on earth am i expected to remember so many instructions when i am trying very hard to hold my breadth.The first few attempts puts me at the bottom of the class.I can see patience die on the instructors face and the rest of the class is jumping the ques.They are tired of my constant failed attempts.I decide that I must relax and enjoy it after all I am only aiming to float in the water and hang around in a pool on holiday so what have i to loose.Well i managed some,and found my self in the middle of the pool with no idea how I got there.The water is in my ears so I can hear instructions.I took in a bit of water yesterday which resulted in a bad stomach (considering what muck must be going into it) Today some more water gets in but i tell myself that if the immune system cant cope with this is doesn't deserve to be there in the first place.So I float and my muscles ache.Then arrives a new coach.A hefty man who is busy yelling instructions very much like the actors in the movie "police academy".Well call it woman's psychology but I am suddenly confident.He looks like he can fish me out of the pool with ease so I relax.He is also a little older than the woman coach so can understand what a herculean task it is for older students like us.Strange but i wasn't feeling so bad after all,infact maybe,maybe I may just make it to swimming.The husband said i looked happier so guess that's it.I am still marking days on the calender but i have to see this through.

Swimming Chronicles

When life was busy with work taking up most of my time,I told myself that there were hundred things to do before i die and these had to be done soon (before the old bones protested).Well its two years now since i quit full time work and what have I learnt?.I have become more regular in the gym which thank god is showing some results,then I learnt to cycle,though I still cant manage to cross a busy road on it for fear of being killed before I achieve even fifty of the hundred things.They say fortune favours the bold so one fine day after having looked at the swimming pool for ten days,I decided that I must leave the safe confines of Terra firma and venture into deep waters.In one mad moment I has paid up a thousand five hundred quid (princely sum considering how inconsistent I am),went and got myself a swimsuit which wonder of wonders holds the fat stomach in in such a manner that I can see my toes (though once in water all i can hear is a beating panicking heart and no toes but tiles).Thus armed I spent a restless night oscillating between fear,anxiety and various other emotions none of which did anything to my self confidence.Awake at five ,the husband agreed to walk me to the pool almost like seeing a child off to school on the first day.It was a good idea to get hold of a friend as we turned out to be the oldest in the class.The rest of them were young and agile.The coach then set about making us walk in the water,easy enough when one is clinging to the sides of the pool but not so easy when one is not.Certainly not when the deepest end of the pool is nine feet and the thought that no one will even notice me at the deep end is certainly putting me at a deep end emotionally.Breathing she says has to be through the mouth and my lazy lungs protest bitterly so much so that i am bobbing up like a gold fish for air long before the rest of the class.I manage to float but the true test is as always kept for the last.I am asked to kick myself off with hands in front of me and to hold head underwater.Not a great multi tasker at the best of times,this is asking too much of me.I try very hard but end up looking like those giant frogs in Discovery channel or even a duck.My legs I notice are above water and I am floundering to get balance.Oh dear what have i got myself into I am not sure.This is the first day and i am trilled when the bell goes.Unlike the more fortunate friends who had help with floaters to aid then this is learning swimming the Indian way so no props,and no support.I clamber out of the water to suddenly feel my body like dead weight.I curse myself for not having learnt these skills earlier but now that I have another eleven days to go I shall mark them on a calender to make it easier.And so tomorrow is another day....

Of monkeys and cold showers

Its been raining all night,in the hills the rain is like a symphony.One can almost hear a piece of music the rise and fall of raindrops on the roof.Its so loud on moment that one cant hear oneself and then it slows down and starts again.Even the tune is different.Its like a drumbeat at times,and then softens.Its mood changes.I listen to the downpour and wonder if we will wake up to flooded roads and with the music in my ears I fall asleep.

Its morning and the day dawns bright and warm with a promise of a beautiful day.As I get ready to face the day I am stoped dead in my tracks by a banging on the roof.Convinced that someone is hurling stones I wait for a reaction from someone but no on stirs.The noise continues and I wait hoping the roof doesn't cave in ,when I spot a family of monkeys.I think they have come for breakfast,an entire community of them chattering and jumping on the roof.I stay in till they leave and decide that a shower is in order and set anticipating a nice hot shower.Now this is the hills so patience is in order so I wait for the bone chilling cold water to turn warm.I have been told that hot showers are available.After a few minutes I give up and decide that this is just not my day.I extend one arm under the shower,then another,then a leg and by now I have turned numb and my body is turning blue but having come this far I may as well decide to finish.After numbness there is no pain,no feeling so I stand under the shower feeling not the cold pinpricks or the soap or anything for that matter.Finally I come out feeling rather heroic after all its not everyone who can take an ice cold shower in a cold hill station and live to tell the tale.The husband of course is the clever one,he checks the temperature of the water before he ventures out and is a safe man.....well but as I am in search of new experiences I mustn't complain.....of course after that experience I venture bravely into the cool with a cotton top and no sweater.I am ready to face the world.

Nightfall in the hills

Sleepless as always I have managed to find a book,a bottle of water and some magazines to keep me going.Its the night of our first day in the hills and I am yet to digest that rather large lunch and to get used to altitude.Feeling bloated I convince the husband that a long walk might kick start the metabolism and he agrees,though he is facing no problems with his body which seems to be listening to him unlike mine.We set off in sweater and caps to the road that will lead us to town.Its now cold but a nice cold and we take a stroll down hill which is rather easy.The husband walks while I roll after him at a steady pace.Having reached the end we need to climb back and I am determined to teach my body a lesson in discipline.We make it in good time,are greeted with yet another cup of tea and call it a day.The electric blanket is on and the husband is curled up and asleep by the time I finish my gossip session with my sister.Suddenly I am not feeling so cold anymore and as night falls here I am with a nice book,many copies of magazines and peace and quiet....the end of a rather long day that started in Madras

ooty day 1

Our flight lands in Coimbatore and we have left cyclone laila far behind and the warm temperature greets us.Flying a low cost airline means that hunger is never very far away the moment we recline into the comfort of the Ambassador car (we have forgotten what this car feels like thanks to having used the more modern ones that are in the market now),we hunt out an eating place.Fussy as we have become we look for a place where we cant go very wrong with the food and after a lunch that makes us feel like beached wales we climb back into the car and set off on our journey to the hills.The food and the warmth makes us drowsy and we promptly fall asleep until the airconditioning is switched off.We wake up to a landscape that has changed.Barren fields have given way to high trees and lush green,the air is dense with the fragrance of flowers and other things that hit our unfamiliar noses.The temperature drops at a steady pace and the hills roll by with the fresh cool air hitting our faces and lifting our spirits.Our journey upwards is fought with some city like traffic jams but we climb steadily.Three hours later we have reached the queen of hill stations who is fast on the way to becoming a pauper at the rate at which construction and deforestation is striping the landscape of its beauty but as out of towners we have no complaints.Its now cool almost bordering on cold and we soak it in and are glad to have reached the hills.The climb up to the house is another matter altogether.Two years of constant working out is nothing compared to a hill climb in high altitude.My heart protests,my knees cry fowl but I soldier on knowing that a hot cup of tea awaits.....not disappointed the tea is fantastic,it burst in the mouth with the flavour of fresh tea gardens,mountain springs and the promise of more

Vacations

holidays are not something we plan,not even the international ones.We decide on a whim to go and then work the logistics around it.When the heat of madras got too much we decided to go to Ooty,queen of the hills in our part of the world.After checking with nephews and nieces if they were free to keep my mother company (she refuses to step out of the house) and after checking with my sister if she was free to entertain us,we booked our tickets and waited happily for the day of departure.The heat continued to rise unabated and as we stayed drenched in sweat we counted the days to Ooty and coolness.On the day before departure,the weather changed.It was muggy and hot with a hint of rain and we wondered if the weather gods were to cheat us once again (the heat always travels with us).As the day progressed a cyclonic storm loomed large over the city and by the evening gusty winds howled through the house and the rain poured.The temperature dropped and a coolness set in.As we were ready to beat the heat we were beaten to it.Now we faced the prospect of missing lovely weather in our own city and the possibility that rain would delay our flight and the roads would flood and the car wouldn't take us to the airport.We had a serious fight about packing,the husband with his pucca ways and me with my habit of throwing things into the bag,this was not a nice situation.After an hour of joint yelling at each other we decided to cancel the trip.Half an hour later we had decided otherwise.The trip seems to be doomed from the start.The normal meticulous husband didn't charge his phone and had given only his number to the taxi people.There was no way they could contact us.The electricity failed and we were plunged into darkness and no sign of light in the morning.By this time desperate me was praying that everything would sort itself out as by now with one disaster following in the others wake,I was convinced that the plane would crash and we would be dead.....well god answered prayers and all was well.The aircraft took off and with a bit of turbulence we made our way out of the storm and towards the hills.First hurdle crossed

Lifes lessons learned

Everyday is a lesson learned.Having high expectations of life can be a good thing but it also means that one has to be clear about these expectations.If it involves people then its best to figure out who these people are and what to expect from them.With the family unit becoming smaller and smaller one realises that the family unlike in previous times,is not something one can depend on in a crisis.I have over the years had to deal with every crisis on my own and if it wasn't for friends who rallied around,helped out and allowed me to vent distress and frustration then where would I be.Asking for help is not something that comes easily to me simply because I have realised that a lot of people who offer help actually offer lip service when it comes to the real thing.Sometimes it angers me but at other times I ignore it keeping in mind that one more lesson has been learnt,whom to depend on.

Over the years our circle of friends have become smaller but all of us have learnt that unlike our parents we need to deal with loneliness,disease and depression on our own.We need to be able to handle every crisis on our own and all of us have in many ways started working towards it.Saving money planning our financials,discussing our wills,its always there at the back of our minds.Ours is the last generation of generosity,of giving without expecting and of being bound by duty and love.As India becomes younger and more affluent we will go through that phase when all that matters is self,when everyone is using everyone else to get at ones own ends.Its a depressing thought but a lesson learned.Yesterday when a lot of friends met up after many years under not the happiest of circumstances,we all realised how we help each other in out own ways,mine is to cook and feed,someone else is to comfort and be around and none of us overlap on our helplines,we work in perfect harmony,picking up where we left off,and as I looked over then I realised that family is really not so much about bloodlines but of compatibility and friends.This is my family,these are the people who are closest,the ones we discuss things with the ones who know a lot about us but wont judge us too much.Yes we have our differences but despite all that,we are there when needed most.

Helpless in the mango season

Sometimes the American way seems to be the only solution.Most Americans can sue for the silliest of reasons and in India on the other hand I cant sue anyone for anything and if i did I can think of paying a lawyer for years to come and be sure that other than burn a hole in my bank account,nothing much will come of it.

Take for instance today,a sleepy Sunday afternoon and the roads are empty and the sun blazes down in unrelenting heat.The neighbour has striped his mango tree of all its fruit save the branches that are too high.Now the only thing left are a bunch of tempting mangoes hanging from the high branches.We are just about thinking of having a cat nap when a loud noise accompanied by shattering glass tells us the all too familiar story.The local boys are out in large numbers,armed with stones to knock down the mangoes.Unfortunately aim is not one of their strong points so instead of getting the mango they get our window pane.This is a yearly summer occurrence.We rush out but are too late for the nimble limbed urchins,the neighbour is apologetic but cant do much.All it ensures is that we have a new and unexpected financial problem to deal with.We also know that its best to live with a broken window pane until the season is over or the boys will be back at it.

Now we talk about it but cant do a thing,we cant sue our neighbour or the street urchins,we cant sue the police for not keeping guard and we grin and bear it.We tell ourselves that we are lucky it wasn't the car that was damaged and send up a silent prayer that the boys don't get it next time.This is India and we learn to cope,swallow out anger,deal with our helplessness and try and count our blessings.This is the only way to survive this country

Woman of courage

Two very strong woman,one brought up seven boys single handed put them through the best schools and colleges,despite the husband having passed on rather suddenly and with financial problems mounting.Most people would have advised her to compromise on the children's education,after all seven boys cant be easy but she held on,saw them though and in the process earned the love and respect of the sons who realised that what their mother had done could only have happened thanks to a strong person she was.She died this year in her 80s,not having married again she lived her life,running the family and seeing to her children.I didn't know her personally but i hear the pride in her children's voices,I hear it again in her daughter in laws voice (and that should mean something).

I know another person also in her eighties battling for her life in a city hospital while her daughters stand by and do the best they can under the circumstances.I know her personally.Most people would say she is difficult,has a mind of her own and the word I think would be feisty.I always like visiting her,small gossip sessions are great fun.She would rule over her house and know all the happenings in the building adding her own bits and pieces so it would sound interesting.I visited her some six months ago and keeping in mind her medical condition,I took some fruits.She wasn't too happy about it but as her daughter was around I played safe.I met her again three months ago.This time I threw caution to the winds and took along a box of chocolate biscuits.Her delight was reward enough,she is the same age as my mother but has had to deal with widowhood in a brahmin community which I know is not the easiest of things.She has smart daughters who manage their lives very well and that cant go down well with the community at large either .I remember soon after I was married she invited me to a pooja.Now I don't generally go to poojas but I went for hers (ones doesn't refuse this person) and I remember she was most disgusted by the fact that I has not worn the bindi that most married woman wore.The fact that I am christian and didn't need any of that didn't go down well with her.The long and short of it is that she marched to her pooja room,took out the red powder and made sure I had a red mark on my forehead.She would call from time to time and we would share cribs on our maid servants.I remember one profound remark she made to me one day when I asked after her health.She told me in no uncertain terms that she would beat her cancer and die of old age and nothing else.As she fights for her life I remember that sentence,I remember how inspired I was at her courage,her positive outlook on a life that wasn't easy and I pray that whatever she is going through now,the gods of her pooja room and the god that I pray to will give her the courage and strength to go through all this.It take guts to be the kind of woman these two are and I haven't come across many of them in my lifetime.As I grow older I keep my role models always in my mind.It takes courage to be a woman and I hope I will learn from these remarkable but very ordinary woman.

The bored nephew

Why no blogs? asks a 21 year old nephew and I realise that he must be truly bored and fed up of college,if the only reading matter he has access to is my blog.I promised him I would write about him as nothing seems to inspire me in the sweltering heat of this city.Of course that's not to say he inspires me but nevertheless as I have been party to a lot of his growing up one must say there is a story of sorts there.

He was a much awaited child (or so I think) and my sister being the fussy kind was most worked up during his birth.She was so sure that the boy wouldn't bother to make an entry into the world the natural way that she insisted on a C section to avoid any mishap.Unfortunately for her the date was anywhere between the 17th and 19th of March which she realised made him a piscean,which wasn't so bad in itself but if you had even the faintest belief in destiny and astrology then it wasn't so nice.According to most books,those born under this sign are dreamers (not acceptable in anyone least of all in a boy born into an Indian family) and having already had a sister born under the same sign made it even worse.Her first thoughts on his birth was that he may just turn out like the younger sister who happened to be not just a dreamer but a rebel to boot which is not the best of combinations.A lot of the family described me as moody,silent,mysterious and generally disagreeable so it wasn't a very good collection of traits to have and my poor sister was convinced that he would go the way of the younger sister.Well 21 years later I am sorry to say I had no influence on the boy except in the manner of a sharp retort and his uncanny way of not answering any question that he thinks may incriminate him in any manner.

We didn't have much contact with the boy over the years as he lived on one tea estate after the other but in the few times that we did visit he had turned out to be a bit if a spoilt single child,the only other thing beating him in the spoilt department was the family dog.Being animal he managed to get the better of the boy and in one single demonstration of this fact the dog choose to grab the cricket stumps and sit on it while the boy fretted and fumed that his game was spoilt.The dog of course had no intentions of parting with what he thought was a bargaining tool and the game ended with the dog walking away with all the glory.

He was in his early years a great fan of planes,cars,the sportstar magazine and the newspaper.The moment he learnt to read he would grab the newspaper and read the fine print on the sports pages.We all believed that he would end up playing cricket for the country,or become a racer etc,fond hope indeed but when one lives in Kerala the only options are to become an engineer or a doctor and in the end he did end up in an engineering college and save his honour in the land of his birth.

His ability to fend for him self (not a skill to be demonstrated when the mother was around,then he would play helpless,press all the right buttons and have the mother at his beck and call) was obvious from early days.He had an obsessive love of chocolate and after overdose after overdose he was told that he was allergic to the stuff.Naturally enough his mother banned any form of chocolate from his diet.But on holidays at our home,he would charm my mother and the moment his mother and i left the house he would demand that his grandmother bake a chocolate cake.Feeble attempts at a refusal met with some very sound arguments on the merits of chocolate,his mothers over protection on his behalf,how he needed to overcome his allergy (his logic was that to eat chocolate despite his body's protests,would eventually win the allergy war) etc and before his mother could get back home he would have had his cake and eaten it too.

The stories are never ending but I shall stop with this account which was till he was somewhere in the region of six or seven......we lost touch for a long time afterwards and pick up again after he goes to college....very few stories are known of that period and one is forced to piece together bits and pieces taken from various facebook updates and friends comments which unfortunately is no basis for a story so one hope that the boy enjoys this update and can find more stimulating reading matter in the near future

I Remember

I went on to a school group and discovered that my memory is nothing compared to the girls and boys at school who can recall dates,mysteries and all things connected with school so i decided to out down the things i remember of school,guess the ones i remember are probably the ones that made the most impact so here goes.

I remember the first day at school,feeling betrayed because no one explained to me that i couldn't sit in the same class as my older sister

I remember Mrs Karr she who gave me all the dolls and books to read and who read to me a frightened six year old at her first day in school

I remember another teacher who was an ex air hostess and I hated her,I wasn't good enough for her so she picked on me despite being the best in lessons

I remember having to stand on the chair as punishment for talking in class,for getting my needlework all wrong,and having my school belt taken off as additional punishment

I remember climbing a tree in the school campus,getting caught and having my father summoned to school on a complaint that i wasn't behaving like a girl (I think that's when i started to rebel against convention)

I remember having to do all the long talking parts in school plays because I had a clear voice and good pronunciation ( after having been forced to listen to the BBC everyday how could i not)

I remember throwing stones at the tamarind tree and eating all the ripe tamarinds

I remember catching dragon flies and grasshoppers and stuffing them into my pockets

I remember the school play field flooding during the rains and becoming a lake and we were forbidden to venture out

I remember the big evergreen tree near the new classroom that had to be cut and how we discovered all the birds nest among its branches

I remember hating games period and managing to get our watchman out on some errand and changing the hands of the clock ahead of time

I remember scripture union meeting when i collected money for less fortunate children though I didn't like the scripture union master too much,he had too many favourites and i wasn't one of them

I remember lunch hour when the Anglo Indian girls brought mutton curry that was so green it looked and tasted amazing.

I remember getting my shoes wet in the rains and wishing I had patent leather shoes like some of the other girls had (my parents though they were a waste of money )

I remember the days after the exams and before the holidays when we could bring our toys to school and play all day

I remember teachers day when the teachers entertained us and I remember the sweet grape juice with ice and the lovely mint sandwiches

I remember marching to chopsticks every morning to assembly

I remember trembling on days when report cards were given

I remember the hymns of term end,"now thank we all our god"

I remember the school hymn "oh god our help in ages past"

I remember music class where we sang "teddy bears picnic"

I remember the song "my little brown jug"

Oh that's about what i can remember thus far,but there is a lot more and in eleven years there were the good ones and the bad ones...another time and place

Saving marriages

We have been married for a dozen years and been friends for longer so after knowing the husband for some nineteen odd years,one gets used to certain comforts.Its almost like we can finish sentences for each other,we can think alike decide what to do without worrying about what the other will think.Some folks might find this boring,some people will find this non exciting.So what do I think.Well why am i writing this.Simply because we have far too many friends who are on to second marriages some disaster stories some just sad and sometimes just sometimes there are stories that make me worry,make me sad because there are nice people who took the trouble to understand each other and loved each other and suddenly its all over.It scares me when I see couples with children,happy families that break up suddenly for no reason at all.Does one take sides,does one have to choose who one will be friends with when they split up.Does one need to take the trouble to talk to them,counsel them try to get them back together.I am not sure.At what point does one know that its all over,is it sudden death or a gradual drifting away.I know of perfectly nice men who tell me they are so busy providing for wife and kids that they don't have personal time.I know they mean well but ask the mentioned wife and kids and they probably would be happier with his time than his money.Wives who play roles that they think is what they is expected of them...finally its about making time for the little things,watching a movie,having a conversation,going for a walk or just having a nice roaring fight and making up later.Life is all about the small things,nothing is complicated unless we want to make it so.But how do we come to such conclusions,how do we save a marriage.I don't know and I pray that i wont have to make such choices.For me its still the little things and i hope to stay that way but i wish i could convince some of my friends about this.

Mosquito tennis

Sports-never has been and never will be my strong point,yet over the last few years I have had the misfortune of suffering from tennis elbow.Now how could someone with no sense of tennis or co ordination get into such a situation.Well the answer lies in the life that is in Chennai.For as long as we can remember tennis was a passion for most people as was cricket.The ATP tour comes to Chennai every Jan and we all troop like good pilgrims to the stadium and eat and cheer and do everything like good tennis lovers.Now tennis is an expensive game and not everyone can become an accomplished player but if your are like me then over time (in fact in a very short time) you could become a great player.My backhand has improved so much as has all other aspects of my game.And this is the new trend in Chennai.Its called mosquito tennis.Now this is not funny and remember just as in the actual game here the target is always on the move,can cover vast areas of space which means one has to swing ones bat over a large radius.Keep your eye on the mosquito and make sure all returns of serve are accurate.They come in hoards and everyone and his uncle in Chennai own a bat.Its the hottest selling piece of Chinese equipment that flies off the shelves.Mosquito is almost ready to be included into the commonwealth games.After all didn't malaria come from Africa and India and didn't the mosquito spread it?.I practise every day from 5pm till dinner time and that's a lot of hours of practise to clock.There is no time for ball change,court change etc.This is in real time and this is the fast and furious.Remember the ball (in this case the mosquito) can cause serious damage.Now most kids in Chennai are born with a mosquito bat in their hands.Gone are the days of the silver spoon,nothing and nobody is spared.So if your wondering why Chennai produces all the best known tennis stars in India remember its largely due to a long dirty river,stagnant water and the ever present mosquito who fires our first and best interests in Tennis..

Cattyness

Do I love animals?,perhaps I do but not sure if I can handle the responsibility of bringing up a domestic creature.Very much like children everyone tell me....well I don't have children and tremble with fear at the thought of having any and then bringing them up in today's world.So what was I thinking when I got involved with a cat.Strangely he landed up in our building some two months ago a tiny piece of goods,abandoned by his mother and in search of food.Now cats are not my favourite animals and like a lot of people i have reservations about them.Unfortunately I also have a heart that melts easily and the sight of the poor creature was too much to ignore.A saucer of milk and the kitten was happy,more milk followed and before I knew it he had a name and a personality,I then graduated to giving him fish.He loved it and would show his appreciation by climbing on to my shoulder and biting my ears.We played endlessly at all times of the day and he got used to me ,the building and its people.We all collectively fell in love but I was the worst hit.He knew how to press all the right buttons.Unfortunately he had to be a building cat as I lack the discipline to bring up a kitten and the husband doesn't like to have animals in the house (a battle that i am fast loosing,especially when the choice is husband or animal).He managed well and we all fell into our own ways of dealing with our lives and him until one unfortunate day we pest controlled the house and our poor kitten was poisoned.Thankfully that soft heart of mine also has a brain that can think,so before we knew it he was being rushed to the vet and then brought home to stay in our balcony and be looked after day and night.None of us including the vet expected him to make the night but survive he did and slowly he got better.House painting was on the cards and we couldn't expose our already vulnerable kitten to more toxins so we called a friend who is a major cat person and she took him home with a promise to bring him back when we had the house back.Now the big question is what the time frame it takes for a street kitten to become a house pet.Not much I would say and when he came back I realised he was no longer fit to be a building cat.He was far more comfortable on my lap,on the cushion and was not happy being outside,trying very hard to come home so the long and short of it was that in all his distress he was sent back to the comfortable home that he had gotten used to for ten days.Will he continue to stay there or will he be sent to someone else is antibody's guess.Am I sad?,well yes and no.I cried my lungs out when i said goodbye the first time,this time its a sense of loss but one part of me says that if I cant give him a home,then I have no business to keep him.All I can hope and pray for is a good home and loving people because he is a wonderful animal and he captured my heart and if I continue to fall in love again in the same way very soon bits of my heart will be all over the place.Confused,and in love....well don't the two always go together....such is like...

The inland letter

I had spent a lot of time yesterday (like many other days) talking to friends on phone,chatting on chat and so on and at the end of the day I was left wondering what I was left with.Let me explain...of course there is a chat history that one can go back to,there are ways to store sms messages for a long time,but in the face of all this technology(which I am a great fan of) I missed the old inland letter and the postcard and the aerogram of the Indian Postal Service.I grew up in a time when cell phones didn't exist and the land line was a symbol of affluence (it was the most difficult thing to get with long waiting lists).When school closed for the holidays we had to take a bus and visit friends within the city.To keep in touch with those far away we bought inland letters in bulk and filled every available space with news of our day to day happenings,we mentioned all the time how much we missed our friends.To those friends in far flung countries,we sent air mail letters.It was fun shopping for the thinnest letter paper as the price of postage went up with the weight so we filled pages of onion skin paper (always in pink and blue shades) and posted them and waited for a reply.Considering that we used normal post (couriers were unheard of in those days) chances are that it took a while to get a reply.Our mornings were spent waiting for the post man who happened to bring smiles all around.I don't remember so much junk mail or bills arriving.It was always letters from grandparents,friends and some times a post card.I used this means of communication for years,even after I had started working.I still remember all those letters that boyfriends or some special friends sent(I preserved the ones I thought were special).I tied them all together with pink satin ribbons and kept them long after those relationships died and were forgotten.When my mother decided to clean up the attic i still remember the box of letters she handed to me saying it was time to burn them.There were at least ten bunches.I read them all again,after many years,and the memories were sweet and sometimes sad.I marvelled at the childishness of some of the letters,the sentiments of the others and the silliness of some more.I remember how sad I felt at burning them,they were memories of a lifetime but then they were of no use anymore,so I burned them all.Today I look around for those recorded memories,things to go back to,to recollect and I find nothing.Of course I find it easier to keep in touch,I know I am a lot more updated on what my friends do but all said and done I still love the way the odd Christmas card arrives,the day someone sends me a birthday card and all this despite the fact that sms messages come on all significant days.Call me sentimental but a personal letter cant be replaced by chat or sms or phone calls however easier or convenient they may be.Somethings are just irreplaceable

New year

what is it about atmosphere and expectations.Thirty first of December is just another day followed by the first of Jan,but despite that we treat it so differently.There is something in the air,expectations of many dreams to come true,the feeling of deep depression for the things past and for the pains that await us as life passes on to another year.I told myself that i would take it in my stride just like any other day,but I refused to see the doctor despite being a bit under the weather because i don't want to start the new year with medication,I am feeling sad because someone i know is dying and i know how that felt two years ago.The memory being too fresh.I look forward in anticipation of good things to come.I know that on the second of Jan everything will settle back into routine,but i still can figure what it is about this day that brings together such conflicting emotions.Why do we feel the need to be with loved ones on Christmas and new year,why do we want to party with our friends,why do we make that fancy lunch (this time my fridge is empty,because i want to be different)and why do we make the effort to be different on this day.The end of the year and the beginning of a new one,but we see so many beginnings and so many ends.....I wonder if i will ever get to feel that this day is just another one....and while i am on it i may as well tell you that resolutions have never been my strong point but i shall make one.....not to lend my books to friends who refuse to return them and on that note here's to a great year ahead

the year that way

Its almost the end of the year and as one more year rolls by and as we get a year older I like looking back and taking stock of the year that was.When we started 2009 I remember the husband telling me that this would be a good year.We had left behind sickness and death of 2008 and were looking forward to a year of less stress and more happiness.It started well with the house being full of guest and so much of fun and noise.My sisters stay meant that the husband and I were able to be off on some outing or the other which we find relaxing.It was also a year when the husband followed in my footsteps and gave up full time work.After a year of seeing each other in airports or on the weekend,this was a great time for us to be back in each others company.If we had any apprehensions of being under each others feet,then well it wasn't to be.Over months we found our little place in the scheme of things and it was comforting to just have him around.All his financial planning for our joint retirement paid off.We took off to the UK at the spur of the moment(unlike most people who plan in advance)for three weeks for a great holiday.We didn't have to worry about asking for leave,we didn't have to come back to the stress of corporate life and the feeling of freedom and happiness give the holiday a different twist altogether.Our unexpected visit to Scotland and meeting up with an old friend (who never stays in touch and whom we had given up as lost) were memories we shall always cherish.My sister who normally is expected in December,decided to come back in august so another long drive to Bangalore became possible.We had sold our trophy car earlier this year and despite what everyone else said we thought it was a wise decision.Not having to live up to an image meant that the small car served us well and it gave me a chance to drive on the highway(i am so nervous with big cars that i have been a passenger on highways so far).Bangalore also helped me to acquire a new skill.After all these years i mastered cycling and enjoyed going around my sister in laws community colony with the wind blowing in my hair and the feeling of being on air.

Some concerns of my mothers health existed when she fractured her shoulder but with the care and time we can give her now its all worked out.She is back in the kitchen (a place she is most happy at) and the food she churns out has the husband hankering about me writing a book.Seeing the movie Julia and Julia only makes him believe his wife is the future Julia child.Well perhaps in the next year.I managed to do many interesting jobs this year,and find that the lack of routine give me the chance to explore what i really like to do.Towards the end of the year we had our friends visit us with their kids.Considering we haven't seen them for at least ten years this was a great time to catch up and regroup with plans to meet more often.Our niece and here children are back in India and the husband has enjoyed playing with the kids who talk nineteen to the dozen.

When the Christmas tree is up and the house reverberates with Christmas carols,i realise its time to give thanks for a year of joy and happiness,of a new chapter in our live,for the joy of having our mother with us and seeing her do well,to have our friends visit us,to see that after all the time the husband and i spent together this year has been a great learning time and we hope the next year brings more happiness

The Eco project

some of us like to believe that we are socially responsible,environmentally friendly but are stoped dead in our tracks by red tape and bureaucracy.Is this an excuse for inaction or just the cynic in us talking.I have long been a great out door person in love with flora and fauna.My contribution to climate change and global warming is to create a little green space in a balcony that can only accommodate my plants and me provided i hold my breadth.I have expanded my plant collection to the terrace and have collected all my kitchen waste to create compost for my garden to be sustainable.But having said that I have don't very little for the community and environment i live in.I have long fantasied about working as a gardener or with the world wild live association to be close to animals.All that like i mentioned remained a pipe dream.I seriously believed that this could only happen if i lived in Europe or in the hills of India.Today at 10 am which is early by my standards,i dragged myself off to a meeting of civic groups who are concerned about the environment.I met people who have been doing work in the city and good work at that despite the many hurdles that have come their way.I walked around the adyar poonga(which i didn't know existed) the once hotbed of vice and now a haven for migrating birds and fish.Mangrove trees have been planted in the salty areas,spaces to sit and enjoy the breeze and there are people who are actively involved in technology updates for the environment,audits of birds and trees and community and student groups who network for best practices.I discovered that my long lived ambition of being a gardener can happen if i volunteered to this project.I could plant trees,and learn more.I can then join like minded groups to study wild life birds etc and to explore the great outdoors within my city.I spent at least five hours in this place listening to the things that various groups have been able to achieve.I saw first hand the development that is happening and met a whole bunch of interesting people.Needless to say i came back home with my eyes wide open.There is action on the ground and i can be a part of it.So i am looking forward to the next step and hope to be part of the movement.It made me realise that i need to make time to explore the city i live in and to network with the people and projects that are truly after my own heart.Dreaming and not doing is an excuse which i cant afford to hide behind any more.Will it work?....well i am not sure but like its said nothing ventured,nothing gained right?

That green tea experience

The world is full of people tasting cheese,wine tea,luxury etc and everyone adds their own mystery to the thing on hand.I watch people describe wine in glowing terms,they talk of fruit,flowers woody and they then go into detail of the kind of fruit and flowers.Honestly while all that is fine,I wonder how much is dictated by geography.For instance,if one lives in Europe then wont they know the sent of different flowers the flavours of fruit native to that country?.If you told me the wine tasted of oak and peat i would blink simply because i have no clue what an oak smells like or peat for that matter,but tell me the wine tastes like jack fruit or mango and i would then know how to distinguish a good wine from a bad one.Cheese the same thing,the cows in France eat grass of a different quality,how am i to identify the taste,and frankly speaking i don't trust the people in my country who claim to be experts,one simply has to live in wine and cheese producing countries for a longish period to understand.So whats my point really?.Well today i tasted a green tea from china.Now the east is pretty similar in geography so i don't feel clueless.Having spent many a holiday on tea estates I can with a fair degree of knowledge talk of tea.This packed of tea was given to me by a friend who visited china.The leaves were tightly packed and looked like dried flowers.I boiled some hot water,threw in some tea leaves and let it infuse.After a few minutes I poured out the tea.The leaves by now has unwound themselves and looked more like neen leaves but the flavour was what took me by surprise.It kind of burst into multiple flavours in my mouth.Suddenly i was transported to rain drenched paddy fields,damp attics which hold unlimited potential for food and treasures,it tickled my senses and i could smell flowers.Its strange,this was my taste buds speaking but my nose seemed to be communicating with my mouth and jasmine,rose and some familiar but unknown flavours were mingling in my mouth.It was a sublime experience,this was what the wine experts talk about,here i was drinking green tea and i could see the hills,smell the damp earth and taste the air and the fragrances all just in one cup of tea.Its then that i realised how important geography was to all this mystery.Kerala and tea estates,long lost memories of childhood very similar to cultures of Chinese villages.So there is no mystery to taste ultimately its a question of experience,of countries explored and of food adventures undertaken.I went back to my green tea again after dinner and once again it was back.This is why food and drink and so much a part of who i am.It is an expression of who one is....

gym tales

She works out with a vengeance.Fat oozes from every pore and she runs cycles and looks famished.I had to know what she did so some gentle questions later i realise that she has been ripped off.She is on a diet that consists of fruits one day,horse gram another and bread on another.No tea or coffee.And the poor thing has lost weight and is tired.Consider this....lets suppose she does loose a few kilos.....can you believe living a life on pulses grams and fruits(not the tasty ones by the way).I would image that its better to be fat and happy than be thin and hungry.After all if there is only one life why not enjoy it.Oh but then i haven't told you the other side.She feeds on pizza(not the Mediterranean variety mind you),fast food of the likes of KFC and MC Donald's.Ghee and lots of rice and generally ever thing that one shouldn't be eating or at least eating in moderation.Unfortunately she is young and didn't have the fun that someone of my age has had.Good home cooked food,lots of climbing trees and playing in the sun and not putting on any weight till the big 4.Sad but true.This is progress and i cant help but feel a big smug that at my age i can afford to have a bit of the middle age spread.Thank god it came only in middle age and not before

The fat and thin of it

Discipline,not one of my strong points(mind you i have very few of them...strong points i mean)but then again,its been two years now and i have i must admit been rather regular at the gym.Two reasons,one sheer guilt(when one shells out that kind of money,guilt will follow),the other is that i can enter shops try out clothes and no go into depression(never mind that i am visiting plus size shops).To be so regular is new to me,but then again the papers and tv are so full of good health exercise,diet and what have you that i could give a lecture of the power of exercise and one would believe i am an expert.Unfortunately,like all things intangible,there are no rights and wrongs or so it seems.So one day they tell me to tuck my stomach in(very important for a good work out).What they don't tell you is that if ones stomach arrives before the rest of the body,then chances are that no amount of tucking in is going to make a difference.I never know if the stomach is tucked in because there is too much to tuck.Well when i protest loudly they tell me not to worry,it seems that the body stores fat around the stomach.No one bothers to tell me why some of the real big built woman in other parts of the world don't have the same problem(marks and spencers have gad jets or rather inner wear to deal with this problem).The solution however according to one trainer is to do ab crunches or exercises for the stomach.I try and try and get out of breadth.When that fails the next girl tells me that increase in cardio exercises will burn fat and therefore the stomach will disappear.So i run and jump and row and horror or horrors,the stomach which looked like it was on the verge of disappearing.....actually came back.Now unfortunately the smart trainers at the gym have worked on my upper body and lower body.They always leave the difficult parts(middle) to the end.And now i am left with skinny legs,muscular arms(i can put weightlifters to shame) and a stomach that arrives in a room a few hours before the rest of the body.Is this a bad situation or just plain funny.The jury is still out on that one.Unfortunately i have signed up for another year(thanks to one of those limited offers)and i wonder now what i will look like a year down the line.Honestly for the kind of money i spend trying,i might as well head to London,invest in one of those smart pieces of clothing which actually make one look slim and be done with it.And to think i developed discipline in the process.Guess like they say,there are some clouds with silver linings...huff and puff