old age,old friends

I have lived with old age for the past ten years.Besides spotting my first grey hair and wrinkles,I have been witness to my parents grow old before my eyes.It is probably the most traumatic process in my life and it drains and saps me mentally and physically.If this is what it does to me I can imagine what it does to them.To be sick is not an easy situation,to be helpless and dependent is worse especially when one has been at the helm of things and run the show,taken decisions,been financially independent and so on.Today in the twilight years the tables are turned and its not easy to accept.
Opinions are divided on this situations.A number of my family probably think I make a big deal of it but to be in the situation is to know,to watch suffering is to feel and the best one can do is to bend over backward to ensure the best medical attention that money can buy.
Today was one such situation and I have to thank my friends from school and college.Over the last few years we have developed a network of old friends,girls we have dredged up from the past,girls who have grown up with me from the age of six and today those girls bailed me out.
Desperate with a father who is ill and not getting better,I had got hold of a doctor who actually makes house calls(a rare occurrence).My husband was instrumental in getting this organised and he supports in small but significant ways which help and support me psychologically.The doc ordered a number of test and the results proved that the father was on a real low keel probably needing hospitalisation.She recommended a geriatric doctor but didn't have his number.Desperate to get medical attention organised,I call the school girl network(why I don't know but I guess they know what i go through,they understand urgency without being told and all of them have old parents or parent and they know mine)She called a cousin who is a medical rep and gave me sketchy directions to the doc.While she did that,yet another schoolfriend located yet another school friend and help was arranged.
We got to the doc,organised the medication,got the phone number of emergency services and came home feeling a lot better.We may not have st oped nature in any way,but in my heart I am glad that I haven't written my dad off as being old enough to die.For me while there is life there is hope and I am convinced that I have to pull out all the stops to get the parents the best I can find.Too many in my family have died because they have been too far away from the nearest hospital.
It 8.30pm of yet another trying day and I will probably get hauled up for bunking work but its probably one thing I will not regret.

our great pondy trip

The friends gang had put together a trip to Pondycherry,the chubby boy had a cousin who had a flat and a car.That twenty years ago was really something.We girls were warned that he was good looking but the rules of friendship did not permit hitting on friends cousins.We promised to keep to rules (I had no intentions of doing so if there was a good looking boy around but somethings are best not admitted).
The group was to have three boys,chubby,intensity and nice boy along with ms proper,reckless me and hip and happening other girl.Ms proper and I got cold feet as the departure date came along.In those days nice mallu girls didn't go away for weekend trips with gang of boys.So we put our heads together and decided that all parents had given permission to go (that's the story we would tell our respective mothers should they ask)and the boys were not to be mentioned.One of them was (nice boy)mentioned because he was married and that made him safe and very appropriate as chaperon.
So all packed we set off to the bus stand(we slummed it out in them days).Chubby and intensity had got all the chemistry worked out(we were unaware) so the seating arrangements were planned in advance,chubby would share bus seat with ms proper and intensity with me.Hip and happening was spoken for so was paired with nice boy.
The trip itself was rather dull.Chubby was all charm and grace in front and intensity was fast asleep even before the bus started(nothing has changed in that department).Of course he didn't last very long sleeping,made sure he woke up and talked.(i am pretty good at getting people to talk).Noticed for the first time that he had nice hands(have this thing for hands).
Arrive in the dead of night and no sign of cousin.Tired and dirty we are ready to kill chubby (he promised that his organisation skills were a notch above ours).Well ,before we got our knives out the cousin appeared.Hmm....rather nice.Six foot something (our gang was in the range of five feet something)and pretty good.Hip and happening was quick off the mark and made a beeline for cousin(all rules forgotten).We hung back(after all we cant be so blatant).Sometime in the night we got accommodation at the ashram.One huge room with dom beds.Ms proper and I were a bit taken aback(nice mallu girls didn't share rooms with boys,even friends)but since there wasn't a choice we buckled down to it.
The rest of the holiday went crazy,we spent the night playing cards.Intensity was very good at it(he still is tho now the rules have changed).Me -gave everyone a good facial(ponds cold cream taken from ms proper...you could count on her to have everything,band aid,cold cream,tissue etc)
The cousin was also now part of group and we insisted on taking pictures.The photos we go back to from time to time because it brings back so many memories.(many a dispute on who was hitting on who,but cant find the answer)
Next day,we went around the town in cousins car.Chubby decided to drive(he wasn't very good then).Unfortunately for us the governor decided to leave at that moment and we were there(bang in front of his car).His security detail tried in vain to get us off the road(i will be killed for this but chubby hadn't a clue how to move out of the way,so he kept to the straight line)We girls were convinced that the security chaps would blow our brains out(they were all there guns at the ready)so we got hysterical and yelled instructions which get chubby more confused.Well we just got away and so did the Governor(to this day raj bhavan pondy brings back that hilarious situation and i can laugh myself silly).
While we were out on the beach trying out stuff (hip and happening,tried her first cigarette,ms proper and I played in the water while the boys looked on,and nice boy kept watch....no mischief under his nose,he was in charge)nice boy got the food organised and cousin got the drinks done.Unfortunately the cousin was warned by chubby so he kept his distance from us (deeply disappointed at that turn of things...what are friends for and all that).
Time to leave and we find that nice boy had gone back to the room (unknown to us) and is fast asleep.There was a bus to catch and he refused to get up.Threw water on him and that got his goat.He yelled so much and gave us a talking to and asked us to leave him alone(I suspect two days with us was too much to handle)
So we were back on the bus and safe home but to this day,the entire gang will agree that that was one of the best days of our lives.

friends

Fifteen years ago,when I joined a publishing house as a newcomer,there were hardly any people I could relate to.Desperate to get some company,I latched on to the only other girl in office.She had been around a year longer so knew her way around.There were of course others ,all sniffing around trying to figure out the new kid on the block but as a vary one I kept my distance and got a low down on each of them from the girl I had befriended.That done I got along with some of them but for the better part they were a set of secretive,mallus who one is best advised to keep away from.
Of course over the course of the next few years we had all become friends.Out of this office emerged a group of friends some four to begin with and which went on to perhaps six in all.Twenty years later,we still remain friends and still call on each other in times of crisis and pain.We have had our share of woes,our differences of opinion and our little fights.Despite the ups and downs the relationships flourished and merged so that now four of the original gang have become two(we married our good friends) and the others we meet when we visit their towns or call .
Why I am writing this?A short while ago (one of them who now has long chats with me on gmail )one of them and I were being nostalgic about those them days and I suggested we make a film on our lives in those wonder years.Knowing how lazy each of us is,I figured the best thing to do was blog.
It starts with the short curly haired mallu girl.She of the boarding school kind is very pucca,well mannered,neat to a fault and quiet the perfect little miss.Me...the exact opposite,reckless,untidy,always eating into her space at the work table(despite well worded protests).I sometimes think I did it just to bug her.She reminded me so much of my very proper sister.
The boys(who will now object violently to being called that).One chubby boy with glasses who joined my team and gave me a rose on the first day(give me a break who did he think he was)Amused,I gave him a little rope and we were thrown together so often that we ended up being friends.He was all charm and upmarket aftershave(indulgent sister in the states)His great fondness for unearthing even a remote possibility of a scandal was a great source of inspiration.With his half baked news and mine,we always arrived at the latest office gossip long before the others.
A year later chubby got his friend along to join us in the same organisation.Thin and pimply and a certain tightness (in later years I discovered it was intensity)this boy and I had a huge fight the day we met.Chubby enjoyed himself to the hilt but claimed later (in hindsight) that this was the beginning of a great romance between the boy and me.(to be taken with huge bag of salt despite it turning out to be true).
Over the next couple of months the boys for some strange reason always ended up with girl and me.It started with having lunch together,then trips to the beach(boys and girl had bike,I was always pillion).The beaches changes ,the winds changed and before we knew it there was something in the air.We didn't acknowledge it but the equations were there.Chubby and I on one team and girl and intense boy on the other.Healthy rivalry fuelled the friendship.It was a strange chemistry.Four people so alike and yet so different.Girl always laughed at intense boys jokes.I couldn't find anything funny about them and neither did chubby.Chubby and I loved to create intrigue and danger (it never existed) because that's what kept us going so we were branded together,moles we were constantly digging up dirt.
I think what kept this gang going was that one half was lazy ,indulgent,untidy and always hungry and the other was organised,dedicated,neat and very proper.
A couple of years later the gang expanded to include one more girl (hip,smart and out to enjoy life) and a boy (looked older than us) who lived on the edge.He was so different from us that he became friend instantly.Simple homespun charm was what he had and to this day he remains at heart the same chap.
The bonds remain even though we meet rarely but the stories and memories continue and we shall bring them up as and when memories bubble up.
(all characters in this story exist and even though they may protest about my descriptions,this is my version of the association)

ends and beginnings

Its a full circle now.Today the start of a new year with all its ups and downs.Last evening driving home in traffic,it struck me,difficult to explain but a certain something in the air.Clear anticipation.Was there less traffic,were there more crowds at shops,was everyone in a better mood.I cant figure it out but it was there,a certain atmosphere of a new beginning and it communicates in the air.By nightfall it was getting stronger.By midnight the crackers went off to summon the new year,sms messages non stop,parties late into the night.
The city was well prepared,the barricades were all ready at the beach front,the police was stationed at vantage points,hotels outdid themselves in creativity(some of it led to tragedy).How does a new year become so universal.In our country I can name a number of new years,tamil,punjabi and so on.According to different religions and stars but the New year of the Christian calender is universal.
This morning in church,some more history or myth but nevertheless interesting information.The new year was the baptism of the baby Jesus according to Jewish rights.This morning a 350 year old oil painting restored and rededicated to the church alter.This morning I knew all the hymns at church.I looked at the selection of hymns in awe.Yesterday I sang most of them in the car while in traffic.Why those songs....they were the favourites at school and this morning it all took me back to school assembly,the checking for clean nails,the hiding of dirty shoes,hoping the head teacher wouldn't notice,the playing of the piano for us to march in to assembly and like magic the priest at the church today was the uncle of the only boy who was a friend at school.It was indeed a trip down memory lane at the start of the year.