Signs and Ommens

I believe in signs and ommens but havent dared to admit it.Most people would dismiss signs as part of ones active imagination but the point is they exist like the sixth sense it just takes time to tune in.
I have had this very strong instict for from ever.I kind of always know when something is going to happen and how it will turn out.It was no surprise therfore that there were many signs and ommens that I tucked away in my head while admitting my dad to the hospital.It started with wanting to keep a day nurse because he needed care,so the lady who came along was highly recommended but on finding out why she had left the previous employer,it turns out that she died(the employer).I felt then that this was going to be a second innings but put it out of my head as a negative thought.Then when we addmitted him to the hospital,I had to fill a registration form.I have done this a million times in the past but for the first time I saw a column that said,date of admission followed by date of expiry.Another sign tucked away.A few days later leaving the hospital a herse turned up,once again a thought triggered in my head.It can be unnerving knowing that one is beign prepared for the worst,but its not something one can talk about because its parapsychology.
We made my sister cancell her trip and a little voice told me that it will all be over before she leaves.It happened just that way.The day he died,I who has been uncertain of quitting my job suddenly,decided to take the plunge.Cant describe it but it was the right moment to do it and it was done.I was closing one chapter in my life.An hour later my dad died and I closed yet another chapter in my life.In one day two big events took place.
In the past ten years,I have been drawn to my parents home on many occassions for no reason at all,but only becasuse a voice in me tells me to go.At every point it has been a crisis and my parents wonder how I always arrive without even being called.
The day he died,I had no reason to be there.Nurses were in place,my sister was in charge and my mom was at home but again the voice told me to go and I went.I was ther when it all happened,holding his hand when I may just have been having tea at my home.
This is only one incident.In the past I have taken decisions of changing jobs because one day something snaps in my head.Most of my decisions have been based on the many messaged that bombard my spirit on a daily basis and to the rational mind this is a crazy way to take decisions but to this day I have had not taken a single decison that I have lived to regret and to me my instincts far outway the pros and cons of a rational mind.Its never let me down and at work we called it my stomach talking.My team was always surprised because I would tell them that something would happen and tell them how exactly and they and I were always surprised so my stomach talking was a great source of inspiration for everyone.
Stomach or mind,I know that signs and ommens are all around us,we need to tune in and that comes either from instinct or practice.

The trump card

For many years I took it upon myself to carry the responsibility of the parents on my head.My sisters had either got married or were living abroad so it never occured to me that I should ask them.It was just taken for granted that I would do the honours.
During the course of many years I asked my sisters for help at regular intervals.The second one always turned up to help ,the eldest was always too busy and we stoped asking after a while.
There are many times when I resented what I thought was complete disregard on her part,and irresponsibility as I saw it but like they say there is a time and place for everything.
The last one month has been the worst crisis of our lives.With the father in hospital and a mother (not in the best of health) at home my elder sister arrived and rose to the occassion.I am writing this four days after my father passed away when grief is still a very real emotion but it would have been impossible for me to deal with it if it hadnt been for her.She turned out to be the trump card.It was almost like saving the best for the last.
I look at her and wonder what it is that makes her the pillar of strength and then I discover that its her practical side,her understanding of my parents in ways that only an eldest daughter can understand.Her way of dealing with my mother,be it breaking bad news or ensuring that she eats on time despite everything else...only she could have done it.
Nothing hassels her,she can sing through most things,read her bible,give out practical advice and make endless cups of tea(she is a tea addict but will not accept it)she would always know what to do.When my husband insisted that she stay to hold my hand and my mothers we didnt have any great expectations but she managed to help us handle death,sorrow and grief all the time being the sane one,the person who got things done,the person who spoke to everyone with out breaking down.Her mantra in life is to leave things to god and today I understand why it makes so much sense.
The one month that she stayed gives takes me back to a time when she was my representative in the family.Being the youngest,I hung on to her skirts all the time.if I was hungry I told her,all requests were processed through her.I never went to my parents directly.When she got married I was heartbroken.I had to deal with my mother and father directly(wasnt easy).Then for years I didnt have much to do with her children(I always felt that they had taken away all the attention form me and it wasnt something I was going to forgive so easily).Today when she left to go back home with a promise to come back I realised why she wasnt there for us all those many years.,I think God was saving her up for the worst time in our lives.She is his trumpcard.