mothers and daughters

My mother has this standard saying every time i argue with her,that when i reach her stage in life i will understand.I keep telling her that's not true but of late i have been forced to keep quiet.I have seen it and realise that she is so right.I have a reasonably close knit family but some of us tend to be detached.But as we reach each stage in life I see history repeating itself.One of my sisters is the totally detached type or at least projects that image,and she is the first of us to be going through the stages that my mother has already experienced.To see her with her grandchildren is a study in contrast to the mother she was.With her own children I remember my mother nagging her about attention,attending to the children's needs and them exchanging different points of view on parenting and agreeing on very few.My mother on the other hand indulged her grandchildren to the level of making them spoilt brats (only when they were in her house).Full circle now and I see the differences in my sisters interactions with her daughter and grand children.She is like my mother an indulgent grandmother but unlike my mother who rode rough shod over her daughters rules,to establish her own grandmother rules,my sister is a silent spectator to her daughters rules.The rules being so strict that in the long run,these very children will never experience the enriching experience of being grand children in an Indian environment.Not for them the pampering and spoiling,not for them the breaking of rules with grandparents.But the bright side to this is that my sister has probably become closer to her mother.I see the change,suddenly she calls a lot more,she spends a lot more time with her mother and the bonds are so much closer.Did it take a parents death,the process of moving on to the next stage in life,the relationship of her own daughter being around....what was it that changed.My mother obviously has here basics right.Her daughter is going through what she went through at that age and together they have experiences to share.Do we tell her daughter all this or do we wait for her to realise that there are times in life that cannot be relived.Do we tell her that it takes maturity to be able to bend the rules depending on the situation without loosing out on basic discipline.Do we draw attention to the hurt one sees in peoples faces when those rules are enforced so ruthlessly.Or do we just wait for her to reach that stage and realise that life is about flexibility,its about enjoying the moment?.I stand on the sidelines and watch at changing rules of relationship and somewhere i see a loss of spontaneity,of a free life and at the same time the gains of a closer relationship.Like all things in life there are two sides to everything and its just possible that mothers always know whats right for you....