The Ghost Knife

A few days ago while visiting my mother I noticed that there was a thin,sharp knife (almost a stilleto)on the bed next to her.She is in the habit of eating fruit while watching TV so I didnt give it much thought untill a few minutes later I realaised that there was no fruit and the knife didnt serve any purpose.
I wondered if she was scared of being alone at home(dads in hospital) but what could a knife like that do.It was too slender and in my opinion far to blunt to inflict any damage.Also even under severe circumstances (assuming my mother uses all her energy) that knife would be quiet useless if the house were to be burgled or if intruders tried to attack.All this ran through my mind and after having eliminated all possibilities,I ventured to ask her the reason for the knives presence.
Its important to understand that my mother spent her childhood in unspoilt pristine kerala with forests as playgrounds and ghost stories as bed time stories.Those were the days of oil lamps and rampant witchcraft(practised in Kerala with great ease).My mother was brought up to believe in spirits and ghosts(probably the parents way of keeping large families under control).My mother thereofre has a healthy respect for the spirit world and has been taught that the best weapon against a bad spirit is a metal knife,a cross and some garlic.My mother chose the knife.Perhaps her long association with city living has taught her that the knife might serve two purposes,the flesh and the spirit.
She keeps it with her while she is alone and when questioned,she explained that the fear of man was not in her psyche but the spirits she is terrified of.So the normally frugal mother will ensure that all lights are on(even the ones not required.....the spirits are know to love darkness)knife is close at hand and the Tv is one at high volume(its usually a soppy malayalam story where the daughter in law is subjected the some morbid form of witchcraft,or a true blue kerala style ghost story)and my mother feels secure.
The knife comes back to the dining table when all of us are back at the house,so we now have a ghose knife at home and I dread to think of what will happen to the fruit when we use the ghost knife.....it may turn into a fruity spirit I guess but my mother would be very offended if we didnt take her seriously so we rest our case.

Love and Hate

Human psychology is an interesting subject.Watching people is an education in itself.Love and hate,two very powerful emotions but not very different in themselves.To hate with intensity and to love to distraction are essentially the same things.I have watched a very interesting pattern of behaviour and have come to the conclusion that its better to be hated than to be loved to distraction.

Take a look at some typical situations.All relationships we say are about give and take,it needs working on and all that.Put two people together and see the differences.In many cases of hate the resultant behaviour is aimed at hurting one person.The person in charge of hate will do everything to make the others life hell.It can move to controlling behaviour,suspicion,possessiveness and verbal abuse as also physical abuse.In such situations the hurt party will choose to walk out of the relationship at some point or suffer in silence,depending on the personality type.It is easier to leave an abusive relationship when hate is the propelling emotion.

Look at being loved to distraction(nothing positive about it).To be loved is a fine emotion but to be loved to distraction is very akin to hate.Sometimes (i have seen this is many relationships) love begets possessiveness,suspicion and control.Its because one loves someone so much and is afraid of loosing that person that the resultant behaviours surface.The pattern is the same.Except that in a relationship where love is the overriding emotion,the affected person finds it more difficult to leave.It is far more dangerous to someones well being but the behaviours that defines both is the same.

I don't believe we can call hate or love as positive or negative emotions(in psychology they are defined that way).Like all things in life,emotions also need balance.Extremism in any form destroys the social fabric of a person,a society and eventually the world.I have seen these emotions at close range and at the risk of being termed apathetic,I believe it better to err on the side of caution that to let ones emotions run riot.It the tipping point of dangerous behaviour.

Lingering

The word linger has been playing on my mind so checked out the meaning.Very appropriate for the current situation"to be alive while still dying""existence while loosing strength"...some of the usages.We talk of lingering perfume,in a very positive way,we see fans linger outside a concert and the stars are happy.But to see someone lingering and in pain knowing that the end is near but not in our hands....that is tragic.
Birth and death are two powerful activities in life over which we have no control.Some might argue that we have a better say in birth.But think about it,do we really.Can we predict when someone is being born or that someone will be born earlier than expected?.To some extent yes but not entirely.Death is even more difficult.We all know that life has to end.For some earlier than expected,to some suddenly but to some its a lingering fact.
Today sitting in hospital,watching my father struggle to breath or even to be able to watch the world go by,I wondered if it was all worth it.What is the point of lingering.Yet knowing him he is probably fed up of being ill,it probably plays on his mind that he is nearing then end and what does that do to a person.Its like being on death row.What does one do to escape,what does one know of life after death.Is is scary to leave it all and go alone?.
I pray that he is released from his suffering but then again who am I to decide.Do I know best or is it propelled by a selfish need for closure?.Can anyone be truly rational in such situations.
Sometimes I wish I was a made in Japan robot.I would have my feeling controlled by remote,everything would be programmed and I would have to go as per cue.But then again is that life.Maybe that poor robot thinks my life is far more interesting,its probably waiting to be like me,or at least something of a human and so its back to full circle.Humility is understand that we don't have too much control and what we perceive as control is actually an illusion.

Whats love got to do with it

Ours is the stuff that Hindi movies are made on.A freak road accident saw me lying on one of the city roads with head injuries(thanks to not wearing a helmet).The chap who picked me up(he recognised me as a friend) took me to a hospital close by,called all the other friends and was there when I came out of my semi coma and asked who I was and where I was.That was the beginning.I am grateful that he stoped when he did and took me to a decent hospital even though I looked like death.
The next month or so while I walked around on crutches,he was there every evening,talking to me giving me the latest on office gossip and the like.For me it was something to do and someone to talk to.At no point them did I imagine that I would write about this person one day because he has come to mean so much to me.
His persistence pays off.I had all my defences up when he came into my life.We are both very independent people with strong opinions and I for one was always in control.No relationship is allowed to wander from my terms so it was interesting that despite every resistance I put up he doubled his efforts to break it down.For six years he worked on it till I finally gave in.He has become too much a part of my life,I couldn't imagine not having him around so we did what most people do,we got married.
Amidst opposition and all odds we got married and escaped the same day so as not to face the music.Our friends despite having stood by us,gave the marriage a few years max.We were too headstrong to make it work or so we all imagined.
I think ten years of marriage is a good time to look back and wonder why it all worked out for us.For starters the credit goes to him.I am difficult at the best of times.Opinionated and not very open to change,I was always ready to have my own way.He on the other hand managed to get his own way while all the time making me believe that it was what I wanted.We had our fights,our tantrums and our differences,but mutual respect and a great deal of love is what comes through in the end.
He has stood by me through think and thin and looking back at the many personal problems that we have faced together,I attribute my sanity to a man who over the years has not only showered me with unconditional love but has taught me that family matters,that friends matter.His generosity and good sense has given us a close circle of friends(most of them are my friends who have become our friends) who will always be there when we need them.
Yesterday in one of our most difficult times,he steped in and while I was reduced to a hysterical wreck,he smiled and sorted out the issue with a firm but gentle hand.
I don't believe in mush and have scant regard for the typical Hollywood or even bollywood love stories which go on an on about love when they mean nothing.Its natural then that I debated on writing this blog,but like a friend of mine always says,one must acknowledge love at all times at all places and I am truly blessed to have found someone who can make such a difference to my life and to the life of my family.I started out calling him mister intensity because he saw everything in black and white and I always saw shades of grey but over then years we have enriched each others life and have achieved harmony and balance which I hope will only get better in the next decade or till death do us part.