My thanks

As another year draws to a close and with christmas almost upon us,it's time to give thanks for all that the year brought,it's sorrows and its joys.

My memory fails me or is it that nothing earth shattering happened. Well it was an ordinary year. Thanks however are not always when bells ring and the earth shakes,everyday is a blessing and the fact that all of us stayed healthy albeit the small blips . That the mother was able to visit her daughter in her new house however painful thee journey was and however uncomfortable she was to be taken away from her comfort zone. The time spent with great grand children and grand children. The many times when my mother and I were home alone and had long discussions on life and times gone by. For he stimulating conversations the husband and I had,for the little outings we take even if it's just grocery shopping but is time spent with each other and therefore special. For the many school friends who connected again and for the meeting we planned and had fun at. For the joys that come of a shared childhood. For new friends made and new beginnings. For the little everyday miracles. Ofcourse the sorrows of loosing old friends,the shared sadness of other people's unhappiness and inability to go forward. For the challenge and goals,some achieved and some which drove me demented. For friends who enriched our lives and some sadness at relationships ending. To be able see beyond my limited experiences and to take life in my stride. For answers prayers and prayers that are still said and above all for realising that there is a god above who knows better than me what is good for me even through I can't for the life of me see his logic but nevertheless can be thankful for.

This is my thanks for the year that was thus far.

New technology

Growing up,our biggest concerns were the kind of writing books that we had,the fountain pens we used,the shoes we wore and the books we owned or read. A pilot pen was a must have for most of us but to own a sheaffers pen was like owning the latest iPhone. Out of reach for most of us it was the most sort after gadget of our time. When it came to books the girls who owned the entire Enid blyton collection were several notches above is in the pecking order. These status symbols stayed very much the same through out my childhood. Somewhere towards the end the ball point pen made its appearance. The fact that we didn't have to have ink stained hands or forget to fill out pens,incur the wrath of our teachers seemed too much of an advantage not to have. But again they were expensive and most of the kids who had relatives abroad would come to school with new ones from shores afar and be the envy of most of us lesser mortals. Fast forward a few decades and I have embraced technology and smartphones,emails have replaced all those long letters I wrote to friends during holidays and various other forms of communication have replaced the simple ones of my childhood. Our biggest fears in those days was being busted by inquisitive mothers who tried reading our diary when we were not at home but today the fears are so much bigger. Complete strangers can get access to my emails and anything I do digitally. Now inquisitive mothers I can deal with but the thought that some random stranger will read about my life is a bit disconcerting (not that my life is that colourful either) . My digital interaction border to the inane or to downright boring,after all why give anyone a reason to "follow"as its called. It was rather amusing then to watch Sony and a whole host of Internet users talking about ditching emails thanks to being hacked to the tune of millions of dollars. They were actually talking of going back to pen and paper,to writing things down etc....full circle almost. Amusing because I have a real low tech phone which when I went in to exchange for a seriously hi tech iPhone ,caused some consternation among the retail staff. Most of them had never seen a phone this old ( I rolled my eyes in despair,after all this was a ten or fifteen year old phone for crying out loud). Most of my friends find me old fashioned because I still have a physical address book that has everyone's addressed and phone numbers written down,I am not on a social network that all my friends are on and getting me to respond to phone calls is a bit of a challenge as I don't have my phone stuck to me like an extension of myself. And here I was actually buying an iPhone whic is the sheaffers of my day.

Clueless as I am about the many uses of the new phone,I have the distinct advantage of having grown up in a world where everything wasn't available at my finger tips or should that read Google?. And that being the case I have no issues reading all the stuff I can about the various experiences of phone users,I have no issues in asking my tech smart nephews on how to navigate my way around the phone and before you know it,my age and generation not withstanding,I will become pretty comfortable using the device but it's after all the fuss,the world goes back to the good old days,well I can't complain can I?,I would still be comfortable reverting to it,despite what my smart younger relatives may have to suffer.

The old order changes

It's many years since I was a young school student but as I look back on the world as it today it seems a world away ...well it actually is. For starters we simply had to speak in English and our teachers all being Anglo indian would insist on pronunciation being perfect queens English. Grammar was my nightmare but I managed ok with that too. We always spoke to friends in English and to speak in any other language was unheard of in those days despite all of us knowing atleast two other languages and being able to speak fluently. So today we have our imagination coloured by Enid blyton books and stories set in the english countryside. Slang was unheard of and God forbid one of us got hold of some slang,it meant a trip to the head teachers room and a sound dressing down.

Today some thirty or more years later I am eavesdropping on some conversation between two teenagers. They both go to English medium schools but speak in Tamil to each other and I suspect in school too. No harm ofcourse but we have over the years become a lot more regional and with it perhaps a lot more insulated from outside influences. How else would one explain why some kids don't get a joke when one is cracked or can't understand what I am saying because my pronunciation is different. Reading has been replaced by smartphones,conversations have also been reduced to chats on smartphones so while my kind still meet for tea and conversations most of our kids wonder what all the excitement is all about. We are more conscious of religion but not in a nice way,we have become more intolerant of differences and we are rules now by people in power who have no business to be in power. Crimes against small children and women have increased in a country where we were unaware of differences of gender and culture or religion. Yes as kids we were pretty cruel to others who couldn't get along with us and like all children we could be mean and downright nasty at times ,but we also made solid relationships,we valued friendships and our interactions with the opposite sex was healthy and uncomplicated. Today more students study abroad than in my time but do they know the culture of the countries they visit or do they stick to their kind even there. Do they adapt and change without giving up on their roots or do they just stay confused?. I don't really know except to say that we had to learn a lot of things and the emphasis on character building was far greater than the present stress on marks and getting into engineering or medical colleges. But well like they say...the old order changes yielding place to new

First day at school

jan of 1967 when I was ushered into Doveton corrie . Bothe my elder sisters where already in school and I was starting there for the first time. Having been home schooled until then and my interaction with other kids being minimal,it was a scary day. My elder sister accompanied me to my class room which was on the ground floor near the staff room. The class teacher was Mrs Carr. It looked like I was the only new child in the class. All the others had been in nursery together and having no clue what nursery was I blinked at the children and waited. It was time for assembly and as my sister was in senior school,she had to leave me to be looked after by Mrs Carr. Honestly the thought of being alone with all those children who stared at me was enough to set me off. I threw an almighty tantrum and tore up the wooden stairs to senior school much to the mortification of my two sisters and to the astonishment of Mrs Felix who was principal at that time. If I though the children were scary,one look at Mrs felix's face was enough to send my world crashing. My sister caught between wanting to help and having to face the wrath of the principal,was naturally hesitated  about coming to my rescue. Having to face a roomful of senior girls when one is six and home schooled,is believe me the most traumatic moment in a child's life. I bawled my lungs out threw myself on the floor and screamed like there was no tomorrow while the whole school watched in helpless fascination. Then came Mrs Carr to the rescue. Gentle,loving and beautifully calm she gathers me up in her arms took me to the staff room or I think it was the staff room (it was under the stairs to the left) and plied me with sweets and comics. Not ready to trust anyone besides my mother,she nevertheless lulled me into a happy state,regaled me with stories made school seem like a happy adventure and made me feel safe again. To this day I firmly believe that if Mrs Carr wasn't around,I would never have got an education. I hero worshiped her,she was my world. I cried when she was no longer my class teacher but if ever I had to list the people who influenced my life she would be number one. To a frightened six year old she was everything and more and nothing can compare to what she meant to me. I will always remember her face even if I forget a lot of others and to me she will forever remain one of the best memories of my days in school.

The watchman

Ramu is forty five years old and lives with his family in the outskirts of the city.or he did until he got a job in the city. Today he lives with a family and spends his day watching over their home. Why it needs watching is anybody's guess. His job is to keep random people away and to discourage people from entering the house. His only companion is a golden retriever as bored as himself.

His day starts age seven in the morning when he wakes up after a good nights rest. Most night watchman are expected to stay awake and guard the house but if the person works twenty four hours he does need a rest. He wanders aimlessly around the compound watching the neighbour awake,he sees the daily routines of the ma you houses in the vicinity and at about eight the dog will be taken for a walk. The equally bored dog who at best of times ought to be running around also wanders aimlessly hopefully looking to neighbours for a bit of a cuddle and some attention. The rest of the day is spent doing absolutely nothing. Rams doesn't see his family intill the weekend. When boredom drives him to distraction he listlessly cleans the gates,chats with the maid or exercises his legs walking up and down. He jumps to attention when the owner of the house steps out. He rushes to open the car doors for a young man capable of doing it himself but expects to be waited on hand and foot.

A small electric fan keeps him cool in the heat of the city while the family he serves lives in airconditioned comfort. Mosquitoes make a meal of him at night but he doesn't complain. After all mindless work is better than no work at all. His family needs the money,the children need an education to betterthemselves and hopefully not meet the same fate as him. Once in a while he will exercise his power by yelling at anyone who attemps to park cars in front of the house gates. He will make sure no one gets entry to the house and thee are the small pleasures that make him feel important and meet his need for selfesteem and this one day runs into another and on the first of the month his labours are rewarded when the salary is paid and he can go home for a day. Life otherwise runs its course and for that he is grateful.

A small town and a young man

Many years ago fresh out of college and ready to take on the world and change it,I asked my dad to finance a course in counselling which I was very keen to attend. My father convinced that it was just another reason to get away from home,agreed to pay for it provided I paid back every penny or got myself into higher studies....he left it open so the loan could be returned after I got a job as a counsellor 

My college mate and I had discovers this course so we set off with emotions and ambitions running high. We were all set to take on the emotional baggage of the world and set it free. Our destination was a one horse town near madras (in the last thirty years this place has become a busy little town). It was best known for it's one American missionary and the hospital she set up. Besides the college and hospital there was little else. It had a sleepy railway station where a few trains stopped,exactly two bus routes that covered the whole town and as a concession to the many young doctors that inhabited the place,there was a cinema hall. They screened English movies which in those low technology days,was the highlight of young peoples lives in that town. It was furnished with heavy curtains to keep out light,had a few steel chairs and many a stray dog wandering through the aisle even as we watched a movie.

We entered the institution that was to be our home for the next two months and for us to stay away from home was a big adventure. We had arrived by train,and found out way to the institute (which given our shelterd lives was a big achievement ). We entered a small office and were greeted by a tall gangly young man who had a grin that lit up the room. He was polite and friendly as small town people are usually and for us city people it was a welcome change. He showed us to our room and explained all the rules,meal times,class times and the left us to it.

The course mates as it turned out were mostly nuns and fathers sent by the Catholic Church which has an active family counselling ministry and was training it's staff. Having never been in the company of religious people,more so ones in habits,we were on our best behaviour,until my roommate arrived and then it all changed. She swept into the room and took over my life. She was full of fun and suddenly we were ready to take on evey one in that group.

We soon discovers that social life was at an all time low,there was nothing much to do so we did what most girls in their twenties do. We befriended the only young man on campus. We ground all manner of reasons to keep him back on campus well after his office hours. We made sure we played table tennis and basket ball,and after we had charmed our way into his life,it became a ritual to go for a Saturday night movie after class. It was always a late show as our days working in hospital were both physically and mentally exhausting. We would be ready and waiting and our little group which by now included the younger more enterprising priests ( who rather enjoyed our company while the lord ones looked on in disapproval),some of the fun loving nuns and us. It was a great group,we would walk to the cinema and at midnight walk back to campus through the empty streets of our one horse town. Late nigh tea stalls were our haunts and bacause we were there with a local boy and in the company of religios people we were treated like royalty. It was a carefree ,fun time and as a gap between graduation and higher studies it was our best time.

Our two motths soon came to an end but we came back richer emotionally,and had made some great friends who would make so much of a difference to our lives that many years later we would be able to capture that magic even though we had lost touch.

Thirty odd years later I have managed to call a couple of them and didn't even need to introduce myself. It was as if the years I between had never been. I met that young man again a few years ago and it was with such joy that we flung ourselves into each other's arms....now older with families of our own and jobs etc,it was still for us a great friendship that stood the test of time. We kept track of that young man who had made our lives so much easier in that small town by just being our friend and it's with such sadness that I remember his smile today. In the pursuit of following gods will and in serving those less fortunate than him,our young man took himself to Liberia. In the midst of the worst Ebola epidemic,his smile and cheerfulness must have cheered many a dying person and brought hope to many. Unfortunately our young man died serving his god in a place so far away from home and as the news of his death reached us,all of us girls who loved him for being him,called each other from different parts of the world. We who hardly call each other,talked again and in his death he once agin united the same girls whome he shepherded to the movies all those many years ago.

My little blue car

It was the summer of 1991 and I had just landed myself a job which I thought would do justice to my education and give me a chance to fend for myself. Most people in office then had bikes to take them places and this being a sales job it required a lot of local travel. I had never owned a vehicle no did I have dreams of owning one so I used public transport or just depended on my reliable legs to get me places. Not for long. Efficiency suffered and I was forced to get a vehicle of some kind and thus my first scooter happened . It had to be financed by a loan and was all cloak and dagger. Never having ridden a cycle even, I was at a loss as to how I was to get places. Resourceful as I am I soon found a local boy who was charmed into giving me lessons and soon I was on my way. For some ten years from them I rode that scooter of mine to every nook and corner of this city. It was a battle scared scooter. Six months after buying it,I met with a mother of all crashes which left me with concussion and the bike in a sad state of repair. But the good old scooter saw me through thick and thin. It was famous in it's own way. The mechanic who repaired it for me never knew my name but if ever I was stranded with my scooter not starting I only had to call him and mention the number and he would be there to take care of it. It was with a lot of sadness that I gave it up for a car. Not being able to afford one I had to wait a few years to get enough money and manage to pay the loan off but buying my first car was a big deal for me. It represented my ability to look after myself ,earn enough to buy the things I wanted and with not a penny from the parents. It was with a great deal of pride that I took it home to show my parents that I had done it. The parents not the kind to shower praise didn't say much but the pride in their eyes was enough reward for me. A year into the car and a bus bashed me up from behind and there I was in a mangled car furious with myself and the bus driver (who got away with it) and the police for not helping. It shook me a little and my confidence suffered a bit but I pulled myself up and then went on to become a pretty decent driver.  It was time to trade in the car for another new one . My parents had by then aged a lot by then and getting in and out of a low car was a big issue for them. My next car was decided taking into consideration the needs of my parents. After all the only or perhaps the main reason I learnt to drive was to take them around on hospital visits and general shopping tours. This time I took a tall boy car and the parents were delighted. For the next ten years this car was a second home. I changed jobs did a lot of office work parked in some car bay. Travelled the length and breadth of the city in it and in my dad final days the hospital visits became more frequent. The parents needed more looking after. Six months after the car arrived,I was shuttling one parent from hospital,while trying to look after the other at home. It was a stressful time and as luck would have it,the city which never gets any rain,had a cyclone. Water filled the streets. Two old sick parents and my car parked on the road in case of emergencies. The rain came down and the floods went up and like the old children's song,my car drowned. I watched in disbelief as the water rose and submerged my car. Helpless and lost I waited till the rain subsided and got it repaired. That little car took my dad on his last journey to the hospital. It took me to his funeral. It is a storehouse of memories,some very sad,some happy but all in all a big part of my life was lived in that car. It saw my tears and my joys. It had my clothes .shoes phone glasses etc all lying around in it. It was to me a second home. Unfortunately they don't make cars to last so ten years later today I had to give it up. Call me sentimental but I cried seeing it go for the last time out of my life. I have never cried over a car but this one was a lot more than a car. To me it was a well of all my memories and in it's passing a long chaper in my life closed. The new car is here but I am yet to give it my heart for the moment  a bit of my heart is in a little blue car which was my constant companion for ten long years....

A sentimental fool

Let's accept it the days of showing emotions (except perhaps anger) are long gone. Today I have on countless occasions met people who will keep a stiff upper lip in the middle of crisis. Yes I admire people who can keep such a strict control over their emotions but the otherside  of the argument is that it's unhealthy not to show emotion. After all the natural way to any situation is to cry in sorrow and laugh in joy or sometimes to cry for joy. I for one am a sentimental old fool and have no problems acknowledging it. I cry at all funerals even if I didn't know the person well. I cry at weddings because it's all so emotional. I cry when I hear a touching speech . In short I wear my heart on my sleeve . To me it's perfectly natural. When I loose a loved on for me it's sorrow,it's grief,it's complete devastation and for that moment my life is over and I cry for my loss. Which is why I find it so hard to go for funerals and see dry eyes all around. I accept the argument that the person has lived a good life and has found peace etc but this is about the living and their loss. What does one say to people who won't accept grief or refuse to show their emotion?. I still remember the worlds shocked reaction to Diana Spencer's death. More than the sorrow of loosing a much loved person,the shock was that the British public gave vent to their feelings. Crying openly and on the streets marked a strange turn in the emotional lives of an otherwise cold British psyche. It was a healthy change on my opinion. Emotions are meant to be felt,it's healthy to feel and acknowledge them and it's healing to give into your emotions. Ofcourse there is a time and place for it but funerals ,weddings,birth of children etc are all occasions of sorrow and joy and must be acknowledged but as the world around me chooses to be in denial,I will continue to be emotional. Call me a sentimental fool,but atleast it shows that I am sensitive.life is meant to be lived in all it's fullness and emotions are part of it

The dinner dilemma

It's an eternal dilemma for me,starting around five in the evening just after tea I start to think of what to cook up for dinner. The husband and I have this discussion with unfailing regularity but because he wants the easy way out the suggestions are always chapatti or pasta. Now this doesn't say much does it as the chapati needs a side dish and the pasta needs a sauce. It then falls on me to get creative. Once again today the suggestion was pasta with a condition attached....pls make it tasty he says (like I ever make anything tasteless). Trolling through food blogs and websites told me how woefully ill equipped I was. The closest I had to Parmesan was a very very poor relation in India being palmed off as a cousin. Having had the misfortune of eating in Europe and buying home made small farm holding parmesans which taste like heaven on earth,it's a sad state of affairs to have to settle for this local version but beggers not being choosers and all that I decide to use it. Some olives at the end of a bottle and some jalapeño peppers (yes I know that's more Mexican than Italian but we are inventing here with limited resources) make my task a little easier. Tomato the one thing that's easily available here has shot through the roof in terms of price and as a form of protest I am using tomato purée. Not for me the passata or the cherry tomato,not for me some good white wine but then again I never claimed to be making authentic food did I?. Raiding the fridge is rewarding sometimes so I find some chicken bits and some stock....now the ideas are falling into shape. I toss up some garlic and onions in well heated olive oil and throw in so,e dried herbs. Don't ask me what herbs the label has long since faded but it smelt fine to me so in it went. The aromas were kicking in so that's fine. The chicken went in next followed by olives and peppers and plenty of chilli flakes. Then I threw in the tomato purée and let it simmer gently. The pasta was cooking away merrily on the next stove and when all of it was mixed with the sauce,dinner was ready. To serve I used loads of the poor relation cheese and while it didn't do much to the flavour it did make for a decent meal. Ofcourse the final verdict rests with the husband who has developed a rather refined pallet . Well the meal is done the verdict is that it was fine and when he asks for the ingredients one can be sure it may have been just a notch above average.....the dinner dilemma for the day is over and so on to tomorrow

A few good men

Bribery and corruptions have been constant in the lives of most people in this country. Weather we like it or not we are up against it in most places. Government offices are the worst and if one has to deal with the government on anything it's sure to last a few days with no clue if the work will get done with or without the bribery. We brace ourselves before entering into these hallowed portals and come out most often than not worse off than when we went in. Which is why when one is met with efficiency and good manners ones is not sure if it's a one off or if it's the norm . However having said that I continue to believe that there are some good men in the system and when we do meet them we must be the first to acknowledge them.

My first experience is with our local garbage collector. Most of them (in the many years that I have had reason to deal with them,) are lazy,will do a bad job on most days,will insist on payment despite getting a salary and will demand that they are tipped handsomely on festival days. In India with the number of festivals we have ,this demand is almost and ongoing cycle. God forbid we don't pay up. I have had garbage pile up in my compound thanks to refusing extortion . Then we get a chap who is young,pleasant,always says thank you and good morning or atleast greets one with a smile. He is efficient and will pick up the garbage every day. Has informed us of his weekly off so we are prepared. Will never demand tips and is reluctant to accept gifts in cash or kind. He will however take a chair or some item that might be of some use to him,if we are throwing it away. He has friends in all the streets he services,the local shopkeepers are his friends and he always has a smile and a wave for everyone. Now instead of avoiding the garbage collector we actually have a chit chat most mornings.

Getting a passport is supposed to be the right of every citizen in this country but it's a nightmare for most people. For years we braved a dusty,smelly office where no one has a clue who did what. It was an office that reeked of bribery and corruption and the office boys were the collectors so to speak. The system was so miserable that every man worth his criminal salt was making a quick buck at the expense of the hapless citizen. Ten years ago in the heat of an Indian summer I braved that office and after having almost giving up,managed to get a passport. The police who had to verify our details were always there to take some more cash off us, and those who didn't pay up could wait for ages for their passports to get cleared. Fast forward to this year. I woke on the morning of my visit to the office,sick at the thought of facing that miserable lot who thought they we're doing me a favour giving me a passport. I was surprised to walk into a clean (government office are always dirty) office,air conditioned ( surprise surprise) and be passed through from one desk to the other in quick succession (the rate as which one moved in the queue was enough to put even a snail to shame) and finger printed photographed and attended to by polite and well mannered people. In shock I moved to the final step where some left overs of the previous office still ruled the roost but even that wasn't as painful as it was ten years ago. Progress at last. Well I still had to wait for the police to verify the details and that wasn't something I looked forward to. Most policemen think they are gods gift to citizens and would hang around wasting time till I paid some bribe or the other. I equally determined not to pay up,would end up wasting his time but having to prolong the agony of having the man hang around my house. Fast forward again to the present day. The cop called and fixed an appointment,apologised for being late,collected all the details and left all in a space of ten minutes during which time we had a very civil conversation on crime and punishment. I thanked him profusely . To meet a decent cop is a rare thing and I for one must put it on record that here was a very decent human being who did his job and left. I wish we had more such people in the force,perhaps citizens would be more willing to report crime.

To think that in all the years that I have lived in this city and country it's taken me this long to write about a few good men,but if this is way forward all power to the good people who exist in a badly run system

Pillar to post

Running from pillar to post isn't my favourite form of working out but I seem to be doing it more often than not. Yesterday and today have been the same story. I always wondered why we don't have systems that work despite the people who run them. Then again we have forms to fill where the information given is in contrast to what actually happens. Take for instance getting a demand draft. I filled a form which gave me options of cash,cheque or bank transfer so I choose cash since I had the money on me and it wasn't a big amount.  I reached the counter and was told that only a cheque was acceptable. When I pointed out that they hade given me an option she shrugged and said well it's not an option anymore. So I had to pay for the bank careless use of options on a form that they had no intention of honouring. Mind you I had to wait on a line for fifteen minutes before I was told about this. The next bank told me that would accept cash but the manager was on leave so I would have to use another branch. Once again the form gave the option of cash. The other branch however told me that cash was not acceptable and to add insult to injury,they would charge me a commission despite having an account with them. I left both banks in total frustration. My point is not that there is anything wrong in accepting a cheque,in face I think they must insist on it to avoid money laundering and corruption but if they give options then they must honour it. If one person in a bank tells me so thing then that should apply to all branches of the same bank. Why or why do we not have systems that work . If I was in America I could have sued both banks but in India I suffered in silence being at the mercy of banks and their shrugging shoulders.

Of childhood and memories

Many decades ago when we were children all summer holidays were spent staying at a relatives place in Kerala. Most of them were grandparents homes or homes of aunts and uncles. On my fathers side his elder sister was like a mother to all as the parents were dead by the time we learnt the meaning of grandparents so our summer holidays were spent in the homes of my aunt or uncle. My aunt has the distinction of having a son and a granddaughter with just a year between them. As children it shocked us that such a thing was possible so I had a niece who was some ten years older to me and she was more like a cousin than a niece. My aunt has a large brood of children and most of them were just years younger than my father. In face her eldest daughter was older than my mom. Now because she had some eight children,her house was overrun with children and grandchildren,nieces and nephews. It was one of those sprawling homes were children could loose themselves . Like most homes of that day it had large gardens at many levels. So if one wanted a bath one had to carry ones toilet bag down two or three levels to access a well,draw water and then have a bucket bath. Sometimes this was a ritual or rather a community activity. We would walk a kilometre or two to a bath house and while the mothers washed clothes the children took turns having a bath. The older girls always had baths together and I suspect this was their time to share confidences without being overheard by sharp eared m others. We younger ones had to wait our turn till one of the mothers decided to bath us. This was done in assembly line methods. We were lined up and soaped and washed in turns. The most miserable time was when the mother in a hurry to get the job done would soap us rapidly and move on. This meant soap got into our eyes but everyone was too busy to bother so we waited in agony till our turn came to be washed. Going to to the loo was another operation. Because those were the days when attached bathrooms were non existent it was assumed that children all had to go to the loo before they went to sleep. God forbid one wanted to wee during the night. We were so terrified that we learnt blader control the hard way.

Our meals were all mostly things grown on the land so we had to know how to dig up tapioca,yam and plantain. We were taught how to hull a coconut,milk cows(something I never learnt being terrified of cows) we hunted for wild mushrooms after the rains,plucked all manner of fruit and veg from the gardens and surrounding forests and not once did we go to a shop to buy food. It was all fresh and healthy. We had no TV or internet and the only books we read were the ones we tool from home to see us through the holidays though we never found time to read them. As the sun set we would all gather on the varenda to listen to the old people gossip and we picked up what ever news we thought was important (most times it was irrelevant) just before after dinner which was eaten in shifts(too many people for the dining table) my aunt would gather her own brood and the extended ones into a large room. She made it a point to make us read the bible in turns. Since we only spoke English and couldn't read in our native language we were allowed to listen. After bible reading we had to sing a few hymns and then my aunt who fancied herself a preacher (in the days were woman were not allowed anywhere near the pulpit) would give us a little sermon. Having filled our stomachs with food we would all start falling asleep y the time she finished but she wasn't done with us so it was prayer time. For some reason she loved to pray and would pray loud and long so much so that when she finished all her children,grandchildren and extended family would be fast asleep on the floor. She lived to a ripe old age of a hundred and three and did this prayer ritual long after her family had dwindled to two or three. Today as her granddaughter visited me after a gap of some forty years she brought back memories of childhood and summer. Today we live in hotels or guess houses even when we have relatives and I realised that an entire era of family and times together was just a memory in these times

The long and short of it

Time was when I was taken to a barber shop by my mother to do some serious hair repaire after my sisters had deemed it fit to give me a haircut....no read that as they'd took to hacking my hair any which way. They took great pleasure in using me to better their haircut ting skills but as nothing came out of it and they ended up teaching English one can imagine how dog eaten I looked. I told myself then that I would always have decent haircuts and the search has brought me a few decades later to being none the better. The thing I liked about the barber shop was the chair. The chair could be height adjusted it was comfortable and I could swing around in it. The barber always used a colourful bottle to spray my hair and the click click of his scissors was music to my ears. But the best part was how he would use a razor to trim the back. I always came out looking more boy than girl and smelling of sticky sweet perfume. To this day that wiff will bring back memories. When I was about thirteen the Chinese started by beauty parlours in the city and the barber shop soon became a thing of the past. The new parlours were a little more up market. For one they had hair dryers,those upturned egg shaped things,they had blow dryers and the girls were smartly dressed (till then only men had cut my hair). I spent the next twenty or so years making regular visits to these places which made me feel oh so grown up and smart. Haircuts slowly but surely became more expensive but more interesting too. Since most people in our country still have long hair having a short cut was a novelty and more difficult. As someone who had always had short hair it was a challenge to keep my curls looking decent and a good hairdresser was like finding a good doctor....if you found one never let them go. My obsession with hairstyles soon became a joke among my friends..it started with me hunting down a good one in the neighbouring city and taking a train there,then I grew my hair real long  just to make sure that there was enough for a hairdresser to something spectacular . When it was long enough I went to Paris,did some research and got a haircut. I remember paying 90franks in the days before the euro but even I can say that it was money well spent. I came out looking stylish and smart and till date I haven't had a better haircut.

By the time the twenty first century rolled around haircuts were becoming more and no expensive. A srilankan chain opened shop and charged an arm and a leg for a hair cut but the hairdressers were trained,had many awards to their credit and could make a clear diagnosis o n what would suit me. I fell for it and made friends with the boy who came close to making me look good. I though my quest was over. But he moved on and once again I grew my hoar got along with sub standard hairstyles and was never really happy about it until an international chain opened shop near my place. Now here was a salon that only cut hair . The whole place was air conditioned,the lobby had comfortable leather sofas,the girls at reception were so smart they made me feel positively scruffy,the hairstylist was trained in London,did a full clinical analysis of my hair,while offering me coffee tea or a soft drink. This was luxury and I paid dearly for it. At a whopping fifteen hundred quid a hair cut was not only becoming a one a month affair but also burning a large hole in my pocket,add to that a hair colour or two (this when the bag lady looked like she should be in vogue....me all grew and old) and I was watching the bank balance beginning to look like a bad hair day. But ofcourse I was paying for a lot more than just the haircut,the hairdresser and I had long chats and he would take a hour to cut my hair,wash it condition it blow dry it and there I would look so good I would always turn around to see if the person in the mirror was really me. Ofcourse that lasted only until the first wash at home and I would look nothing like my salon self.

Now all things considered I decided to grow my hair till Christmas and then spend a bit of money. But as luck would have it some one or the other kept mentioning this girl who cut hair for a hundred quid. Now where was hundred compared to fifteen hundred? And as none of them looked too bad I simply had to try out this girl and her skills. So off I went to this hole in the wall,the reception stuffed with washing machines and in tears,no air conditioning,reception girls who couldn't speak English. Curtains that had seen better days and no shampoo or conditioning. The girl made me sit in a chir she just about dusted,combed my hair out with a comb that had just been used on someone else,cut my hair in five minuted and charged me eighty quid,which is less that the tip I pay at the fancy place. Well I looked ok nothing great and maybe a bit like I did when I was ten and used the barbe shop but could I complain? I doubt it,I mean at that price what did I expect and it wasn't a bad job either. I am in two minds now. The snob in me says go back to sofistication and the practical in me says well as the look isn't very different why not use her services till Christmas and the use the posh chap only for a treat. It's hard when one has got used to the good things in life but I am going to be less of a snob,I think in times of recession,simplifying life is the key so for now,economics wins over style but who know when tempation overpowers me....will wait and see

Heat and dust

Told myself that obsessive behaviour is the first sign of boredom and that I would never succumb to it but then again I do tell myself a lot of things and not being one to practise what I preach,I tend to disregard all my own advice. The thing is I hate summer and the heat. Till a few years ago my faithful thermometer which I unfailingly picked up in different countries as souvenirs (but all of which worked to some degree....) was all I had to measure temperature and laziness prevented me from actually checking so in blissful ignorance I lived out my life in the heat and dust and complained but never got obsessed by it. The I found technology and my innocent hatred of the heat became an obsession. I check all weather websites every five minutes in the hope that the temperature has dropped. Much like people who start their morning with prayer or reading the bible I start my day checking temperature. All my conversations are about the weather. All my status updates are about weather. I am beginning to sound like a stuck record with my constant mourning about the weather and despite being aware of it I much like an alcoholic just can't seem to get over it. I have taken to hiding inside my house behind thick curtains terrified of the heat,me who couldn't pass a day without going out even if it was just to check out the fish prices or the meat available. Now obsession takes many forms and it's symptoms are varied so here are mine....I drink gallons of water,take a few showers a day despite the water being hot then I suffer in silence for a few hours under a fan and when night arrives I dive into an air conditioned room and hope to get a good nights sleep. I feel guilty when I am too lazy to water my plants, haven't planted a single vegetable (now that is good sense as nothing will grow in this heat) and my only conversation s are about the heat. Now even the blog is full of weather. Never understood what it was about the British that they were so obsessed by the weather but now I know. Unfortunately not all my family and friends are on the same page so to speak so the husband is quick to cut a conversation short when the topic shifts to the temperature of the day....the only thing not affected by the current obsession is my appetite . I continue to eat well and look forward to cooking up and experimenting with food despite my hot house of a kitchen but like all addicts to a cause I find my way around the hot kitchen and tend to make enough food every evening. Unfortunately the predictable temperature day in and day out is robbing the obsession of its novelty factor and soon very soon I may find something else to obsess about but until then boy is it hot.

The sun and his games

In the year 2014 as the year begins,the sun asks god for an long vacation. God is not pleased,the winter has just been so cold over most parts of the globe or the sun has been shining in places where he was not supposed to be and generally his behaviour has left a lot to be desired. Unfortunately sun thinks no end of himself and is getting a bit above his station. He thinks that because everyone revolves around him and because he's so bright,everyone must pale in comparison . Now god had been watching him for a while now and considering he's been on holiday for a pretty long period he was told in no uncertain terms that extended vacations were out of the question. He was meant to see summer through,after all everyone on earth needs vitamin D and the flowers need sunshine to bloom and the eart needs light and all that and this was his job description so well just get on with it god said.

Now as I mentioned earlier sun was getting too big for his boots so he sulked for a day or two and then decided he would defy god. He wasn't a team player he wanted all the attention and well he decided to have his revenge. He looked around the world and planned his campaign well. He decided that this year he was going to shine so bright that god would have no choice but to give him what he asked for. He wanted god to be on the back foot so he went to India and he started by being a nice sun shinning bright and lovely and just as everyone had settled into summer he decided to get upto mischief. On May first he launched his campaign and shone so bright that the earth warmed up and the flowers withered and people died and fell ill,but he didn't stop. He wanted god to take notice but god had no patience with spoilt childish behaviour so he ignored him. Sun continued to heat up the earth and as people especially old people and small children suffered under his heat,many people sent prayers to god to stop him. By June god was tired of the constant knocking on his door,his phone was never silent and his email box was full of prayers from an increasingly desperate people. Finally god summoned sun and told him he had to back off. His behaviour was unacceptable and while god didn't interfere in the day to day running of the planet this had just gone too far. While sun sulked and pulled a face,god summoned clouds and rain and told them they had better get to work to cool down the earth. The angles were also told to have their summer baths and the water was to be poured on earth. Everyone went off to do their bidding while cursing sun ( the angles muttered under their breadth they were not allowed to curse) and for a day or two they have been doing their jobs. Ofcourse god hasn't granted long vacations as demanded by sun but has given him a day or two off after which he is expected to report back to work but to keep the temperature at a reasonable high. Will sun listen ?. Well he is not a very happy chap is he at having his wings or shall I say his rays clipped so we shall have to wait and see what he does when his break is overa. I for one don't trust him a bit but you see I am mere mortal and one of his victims. So I wait and continue to send prayers upto heaven 

Old friends

Girl friends or should I say women friends?. No I think not,most of them I have known from childhood,some as teenagers and some in my twenties,hardly anyone else after that so they will always remain girlfriends.

Since they mean so much to me I did think an ode to some of them is appropriate. I never realised how important they were until I actually was deprived of their company. Some I have written about earlier but not all. Some thirty years after I left school and having lost touch with all of my schoolmates,I entree a local gym and caught sight of a woman on a treadmill . She looked every inch like a girl I had spent many hours playing with . She was the only one in school those days who had roller skates and we made sure we went to her house to use them. Also she and her sisters came in the middle of the school year and were from Singapore. Having never has foreign (anyone not from our hometown were foreigners to us) students before we were all fascinated to see them and deeply disappointed when our teacher told us they were Indian born and all that but as we got to know her,her funny accent and her winning ways and the fact that a new playmate was available in the neighbourhood was enough for a start of a new friendship. So ther she was in the gym and I had to walk up to her and ask and she looked stunned to be asked having no clue at all as to who I was. I may have changed a lot since I was a child but like all good relationships we picked up the pieces with ease. We had had our ups and downs more downs in her case and she was glad to have some adult company more so a childhood friend. Today we go to church together ,have managed to help each other in many ways and have become friends despite the thirty year of no communication.

Yet another school friend. She also came in the middle of the school year and was from North India which to us was alien country. The fact that she spoke Hindi which it us southerners was like Greek and Latin was a big source of fascination. Add to that here was a girl whose mother worked in some government office (most of our mothers were housewives). She was a bit aloof kept to herself and thought of us as babies. We still played house and had toy kitchen sets while she had books to read. Somewhere along the line we taught her to play house and we to read fiction and thus began a friendship that continued till we left school. Thirty odd years is a long time and we were now older,some of us single,some mothers and some grandmothers too but all of us with ageing parents. So as each parent died and obituarys appeared in the local newspapers,we looked to see if it was someone we knew. This is how I found my friend again. So I called and as both of us had lost a parent we cried on each other's shoulders,shared some parts of our life,(she still remains aloof as in childhood) and continue to keep in touch.

I started work in a dusty newspaper office wher to be even well groomed was to invite comment. This was an age when everyone looked harried and scruffy as a sigh of being anti establishment and very intellectual . But India was changing and with it the media was also trying to get a glam look so they started hunting out talent from the service industry which is how I was plucked from a glamourously stylish environment of a five star hotel to this dusty office and which is why I felt so put of place here,but a job had to be done and I needed to make a living so there I was. A month later yet another gilt from the hotel industry joined and despite her looking aloof and cold,our joint disgust of our unglamourious environment made us friends. Now here was a woman with a young child who ran a house had a family of her own and to me single and out to have fun,this was a new perspective. Since we lived in the same next of woods we went home together me riding pillion on her rickety bike. It was the start of a friendship that has been both rewarding and frustrating. Years later I saw he through a divorce,she used me as a sounding board and I in turn turned to her for advice on all manner of things. She is good with people,social,talented and a woman of many facets. I am a loner,take time with people and am awkward in social settings but we swim together,do yoga together,love gardening and have become so much a part of each others lives that for me not having her around is so difficult. She became a grandmother so off she goes for two months every year to see her kid and grand kid and I think the person most affected is me. Why do I miss her so much. At this point in life I realise it's important to have a woman friend to just talk to. We see each other everyday and still have things to say or our silences are never awkward . I didn't realise how much a friends absense can affect one until she called this morning and I spoke non stop. It's still a month away before she comes back but for me it's like a lifetime. Our conversations are never inspired,she talks of her daughter me of my husband and extended family, we have plenty to say about our fellow swimmers or walkers and most often than not people think we our sister. We have this funny way of wearing the same colours or similar clothes and can finish sentence s  for each other. It's a funny friendship, we live close to each other but visits are rare and far between but we kind of know when the ther wants to go for a walk,we can almost understand the others mood by email,it's that close and yet not uncomfortably close. We guard our space but the friendship endures.

There are lots more girls to write about some remain phone friends,some I meet at reunions,some are a necessary for my well being and some I just need to know that they are around. But whatever their status in my life,my life would be duller and unhappy if it wasn't for the moments these girls provide. We grew up in innocent times and we continue to preserve our age of innocence

Dealing with old parents

Caring for the elderly is never easy and it only gets worse as they get older and more dependant . Six years ago I gave up my job to be at home full time so my mother would adjust to living with me. Most people wondered why I did it. She is diabetic but not bed ridden nor is she incapable of being on her own physically. The point is more psychological. While my mother believes as did my father that they are a burden on me and therefore need to give me as little trouble as possible the fact remains that some of their ways of helping actually end up causing me more problems. My mother loves to cook but when the temperature outside is in heAtwa e conditions she doesn't realise how this will affect her. The air conditioning will not be used and she will be exhausted by the end of the day. For me it means that however tired I am I still have to look after her,take decisions and manage to stay patient. Not always easy,especially the patience bit. Why suffer I ask her when she can do otherwise. I tend to make my displeasure known when I reach the end of the rope. It makes me feel lonely and depressed having to take on all the responsibility myself. I would like not to have to always live on the edge,always stay stressed and try and keep a balance. Most of my friends are in similare situations and most of us are old before our time. None of us thinks it's a burden ,not of us wants our parents dead but there are times when there is just that much we can take. We share our stories but it doesn't help. In a crisis it's always panic and having to take decisions that affect someone life. This year the heat wave has been especially stressful and with everyone on frayed nerves talking an emotional tightrope is not my cup of tea. The husband who has relatively young parents and has neve had to look after someone I'll,is also getting upset at my so called irrational behaviour. I know the eighties is a difficult period and maybe at back of my head I can't deal with having to loose my mother soon. Death is not something I can deal with. I marvel at the new age of not  showing grief,everyone is very practical about it,no one admits to a sense of loss but for me my emotions are raw,I cry,I rave I can't hold back but increasingly it's becoming obvious that one must not expect others to understand,one must not impose ones grief on others....all very confusing and difficult to deal with. I would like my mother to wake up everyday to a new day and enjoy life but in the city that we live in every day is a challenge to ordinary people and more so to older ones. The heat is like a desert and it saps all of us of our energy,but the choice is limited. And we have to live and I will have to deal with it but sometimes just sometimes it would be nice to not have all the responsibility on ones head alone

Keeping up with old age

Having lived with old people for a while now and being associated with many 80 plus category of people,I consider myself a bit of an authority on handling them. Looking at small children and old people reminds me that old age is indeed a second childhood. Points to remember with old people. By and large with a few exceptions ofcourse ,most old people are difficult. Not that they mean to be so though some do but the point is that the end of ones lifetime comes with it's own set of rules and anxieties. However well one has lived it is difficult to let go,to be ready for death,very few of us are. So fear is a big deal here. I watch my one year old nephews being monitored by a baby monitor and wonder if I should get one for my mum but therein lies the difference. At one ,you don't know you have privacy,you don't really care if someone is watching you provided you get food and rest on time. But if you've lived as long as my mum has then you want your privacy,you guard it because it's a measure of how much in control of your life you are so you don't want to be under surveillance . Small children haven't developed their tast buds as yet but when your old you've had a life time of choices and tastes,and with taste buds declining all you have are memories of taste but you know good food from bad. Most old people like routine,there is an orde in their lives which helps them stay in focus. Take that away and you have a helpless person on your hands. The routine is something they will create but athe person they are living with must create an atmosphere in which to create this routine. Younger people have to work around the older persons routine not the other way around except in circumstances when one knows that the older person needs help. Dignity is a big deal,I have seen young people yell instructions to older people like they are dumb or incapable of understanding . Far from the truth,it's patience that one need not decimal levels. If someone is hard of hearing yes by all means talk louder but don't shout down at them. Sometimes as one gets older it's harder to articulate ones needs or in some cases one is not aware of what's good for one. Then step in and help,try as far as possible to help older people make their own decisions. My husband often wonders why I ask my mum so many questions after giving her a lot of information,be it visiting a doctor or eating something,well I have understood that this makes them feel more in control and a dialogue is far better than a one sided conversation.

If one is living with and old person one must have loads of patience,plenty of understanding and a support system of friends in similar positions who will understand what one is talking about.

Heat and dust

Almost half a century of living in the same city and despite it's familiar and comfort there is one thing that I find hard to come to terms with . The heat is killing. We live on the coast and the blue waters beacon,here I have played for many a summer in sweltering heat and not complained,but over the years concrete had replaced the once shady avenue trees,gardens some of them overgrown and wild,have given way to well manicured lawns and landscaped beauty but not enough to counter the heat. We live like battery chickens in little pigeon holes we call apartments,with air conditioning and all the facilities all adding up to the heat. Every year I write about the heat but this time I made a cardinal mistake. In an effort to escape this furnace I ran away to the cool hills in the hope of spending summer there but had to cut short the visit and land back in there middle of the dog days. Our bodies which might have got used to the heat had we stayed, is now taking time to adjust so my swollen feet are beefing submerged in ice to keep my body temperature low,my mother is hiding in the shade of her room nursing an upset stomach and refusing to eat while I toil away trying to keep heat and dust at bay. Will I ever get used to this or will it get more and more difficult as the years go by. Are the hills an option?. Perhaps but the isolation and lack of infrastructure may be a problem. Caught as you can see between the devil and the deep blue sea I pray for some respite but none comes and so to suffer is my lot and I learn the hard way to accept the things I cannot change....such is life in a city on the coast that replicates a desert.

Walking in the hills

Continuing my journey in the hills means that one must gets ones exercise so when the sun rises as a pale shadow I don my walking shoes and set off downhill on the winding road. The birds are twittering in the trees and a wide variety of them seem to be around. I for once can't recognise anyone except the raven and the crow,but listening to their birdsong is enough for me to realise that I have some serious bird watching to do....who knows ,my life in the hills may educate me yet. A little further on there are a family of monkeys playing catch. Now I am a bit of a coward when it comes to animals I am unfamiliar with but there is something rather cute about baby monkeys as they swing from branches and sometimes from their siblings tails. I figure that if I don't pay too much attention or invade their privacy they may not bother me so I continue this time uphill and as I huff and puff my way up,I make a mental note to tell all exercise equipment companies that an incline on a treadmill is no training ground for high altitude walking. My breath comes in spurts,my heart beats faster and I need to stop and catch my breath though I tell myself I am taking in blue skies and green grass. By the time I climb my weary wat back to the house I realise another funny thing about the hills. After an hour of walking up and down hill I am yet to work up an appetite . I tell myself I am on my way to becoming slim....oh how one lives in hope.

In the afternoon I set off again on my explorations and this time it's to the local village that has a temple festival. Now these are big social events with the entire village turning out in good numbers to have some fun. Soon I realise that in this part of the woods my companions and I are an oddity. One of us is asked if he is English,pretty obvious that none of the villagers has seen an English man in recent times. My other companion and I are mistaken for Hindi speakers and we quickly tell them that we are as clueless about Hindi as they are and once we have lapsed into the native tongue we quickly loose our novelty status. Soon we are ignored and after another stop at the local tea shop for a cuppa and some chinwag with the locals we are on the way to becoming local ourselves . One more lesson in the hills ....be nice leave city aggression behind and merge....

Lessons in the hills

So my grand dreams of life in the hills and the plans I laid out went for a toss. How was one to know that it can turn dark and gloomy and rain all the time and turn bitterly cold. When one can't step out of the house all one can do is read a book which I have done and gone cross eyed with the effort. Then one can eat sleep,read again or like my veteran friend in the hills suggested go for a walk in the rain in a rain coat. I tried that and looked like a dressed chicken on the run. My sister provided me with a yellow raincoat with a hood and while it served the purpose,it turned out I could just see straight ahead so there I was walking up the hill huffing and puffing like a steam engine and numbing into the husband  at the same time thanks to not being able to see.

I am still finding my feet so I get myself a sweater and then find that I need a cap to protect my ears and a scarf to protect my neck and after all that has been arranged there I am bowed down with the weight of so much clothing and feeling rather uncomfortable. To have lived in a city were the better part of the time one is in shorts and t shirts thanks to blistering heat ,one is learning that the weather is unpredictable and must be respected. New lessons everyday and so my rainy day lesson is over. Wonder what tomorrow brings.

Smart technology

I belong to a generation that grew up playing in the sun,visiting friends homes at holidays,writing letters to each other because we didn't have access to telephones let alone smart phones. Our childhoods were spent eating mothers home cooked meals,we had friends we shared our lives with,had petty quarrels with ,we stopped talking to each other ,we we're mean to each other and despite all that we learnt with each new low,how to appreciate each high. We remained friends even when our loves changed.

College years were spent on public transport and all research was done in libraries . We didn't know google search. We shared,we liked and poked and commented but all of them were different from what they stand for now. Apple for us was a fruit and still is.

We grew up and had to adapt to changes,and we did. Today I watched a video of a man lamenting his lost life thanks to social media,aps and devices and I felt sorry for him . Today my generation is active on Facebook,whatsap and we use smart phones and tablets,but our friends are all people we know,they are all people we like and have a relationship with,our smartphones are used to stay in touch with families, or in the rare instance when we are lost,we may use maps,only and only if there is no human being around. We make eye contact and today I still email my friends on holidays and emotions not like are shared. We support each other. Some of us have been away for years and have made contact again and it's the real friendships which are reflected on our Facebook pages. I am the first one to appreciate smart technology but I know my generation will never become a slave to it. I watch people today meeting for coffee and no conversations take place because all of them are on their phones and then I look at my group,we may have just had a conversation on the phone but we meet again because we have so much more to share,so much more to talk about. My generation is very lucky we have had the best of both worlds and to us relationships are what matter.

My dream life in the hills

It's four in the evening and there is a silence that for me is unusual. The trees sway in a gentle breeze,fluffy white clouds dot the sky and the silence is broken by an occasional birdsong. Up on a road winding it's way through the hills a car or truck will chug along or a bus carrying people home will come into sight. All around me are green vistas broken only by small plantations. Coming from the city I am forced to lower my voice,everything carries in the wind and even a whisper is amplified. Unfortunately for me I have lived ll my life in the city and am not sure what to do with hours that hang heavy on my hands so I imagine what it will be like to 

I've in this place where I have no friends,don't know the terrains and how I would deal with the silence. Let me see ,I would start the day making breakfast ,then I would tidy the house,make lunch and then work in the garden for atleaat threw hours in the afternoon. Tea time would roll around and then dinner and finally I would curl up in bed with a good book. I think I may vary it a bit so one day will be marketing day,where the weeks shopping would get done and we would have lunch out. Maybe a day for writing letters,I would actually write not email. Find myself a membership in the local library. How would I make friends it's difficult at the best of times but worse when one is as old as I am and in a strange place but I think the husband will take care of that. I have explored how to go up the valley and down the glen so that would take up a bit of time. Most of all I promise to make myself self reliant and grow as many vegetables as I can. I toy with the idea of keeping a few chicken for eggs and a dog to take with me on walks....hmm looks like a plan doesn't it? . The question is how do I make it happen.

Mummy's day out

It's a much awaited day on the calendar,the day my mother decides or is forced to exist home after six years a to make a long trip up the hills to her other daughters home. The last visit was an astronomical disaster which left my mother so shaken she swore never to set foot in the hills again. Let's go back a few years,there she was in my home,staying with us because my dad had just passed away,wondering if she had to spend the rest of her life being shunted from one daughters house to the other. While she was getting used to the idea we carted her off to the hills. Everything about the trip was a disaster. The last time my mother traveled was twenty five years ago and since then the world had changed and not for the better. The trains were air conditioned but crowded,space being at a premium. The stations had no facilities for old people which meant a long walk to the compartment. For someone whose only walk is from bedroom to kitchen this is a daunting tast. Getting off at an unearthly hour when most sane people are asleep we took a cab up the hill with no help from motion sickness,only to find that the house was situated on a steep hill which left your breathless after a few steps,and when one finally reached the house it was cold and damp with no heating. Enough to put even a veteran traveller off visiting and for my mother a promise of a one month holiday ended in a week and me who was the travel agent cum companion bore the brunt of her frustration and ire. Back to the present and once again we planned a holiday to the same hills but this time the scenario is a little different. For starters my mother and I are going on a blind visit. We haven't seen this new house but have heard much of it,the husband is now my travel companion and he is an eternal optimist and can see the bright side of things always. He is a micro manager which means he will think of anything and everything. This time my role is that of companion and chief of prayer. I have bombarded heaven with my prayers I am sure god is soon going to be deaf with my constant pleas. We get an air conditioned station wagon to take us to the railway station,my husband has organised a buggy ride to the compartment which leave my mother delighted,he's booked us first class which means a clean cabin to ourselves and he has organised a break in journey for her to rest before going up the hills,a rest to recoup and an opportunity to meet her great grand children. My mother at eighty three is not easy but the husband had got it all organised. We arrive at out first stop to find that this station has no facilities for the old and the infirm and are forced to walk a great lenght to the car. The mother has gotten tired,and the early hour has left her sleep deprived and exhausted. Thankfully the grandson is on hand and the home is read and the bed made so she can sleep. It takes till five in the evening for her to regain her spirit and I am greatful that one half of the trip is done and dusted. My mother however for all her anxieties,can be pretty entertaining. The husband who had never travelled with her is in shock at her comments on several fellow passengers. Because she is a bit hard of hearing my mother thinks it's ok to speak loudly,she also believes that not too many people speak her language so she is busy firing one liners and laughing her head off at people. I shush her up as best as I can but the husband is seeing a new side to his mother in law and is not sure if he needs to encourage such behaviour or to just ignore it,but we are both happy to see her laugh,can be so bad a journey can it if she finds it so amusing.

Tomorrow is another day and I plan to spend the night storming heavens gates with my prayers for a safe trip up the hills after all I do have vested interest....I am trying to escape the heat of the city and take a much need break from mummy sitting so I need this time to be happy for all of us and thus we come to the end of mummy's day out

The elections

Born into a malayalee family it's no surprise that I am opinionated and political. Most of us are so from the time I turned eighteen my father made sure I exercised my right to vote and I have done so ever since . Being Christian ,married to a Hindu,with a fair number of Muslim friends,I grew up not having to know anyone's religion to be friends with them so it's scary and disturbing when the Indian elections throw up such hatred and below the belt jibes which lowers the discussion on serious issues and leaves me wondering why after being a decent country,we have suddenly become such bigots. The social media which is fairly new to most of us,is a real offender. All over it people are getting worked up (me included) and friendships (not the real strong ones) are being destroyed simply because some ruthless power hungry politicians have made us take sides. Do I blame the politicians ...well not really,their have always wanted power and will go to any lengths to get it,that is what they do. What disturbs me is not their shrill rhetoric but the gullibility of educated people who can fall for ad campaigns,social media vitriol and myths . Somewhere in the back of my mind I have always held a thory that education (the academic kind and not the broadening of the mind) has made us more narrow minded and more selfish. The average poor Indian will take the bribes and handouts given to them but will make a decision based in a completely different set of rules. We the educated instead,will rant and rave on social media and then sit and home and watch TV and get more worked up and come Election Day some of us will realise rather late in the day that our names are not on the list or we will discover a party which we simply can't attend or we will proudly announce that we use the none of the above option so no one wins....well the whole idea is to get someone to govern . Imagine if all of us (thank god we are a small minority of urban educated elite or so we are branded) opted for the none of the above option....we will be left with a country with no government. How foolish is that. This election for my city is just a day away and then I will have to vote for the ones I think will be better than the ones existing but it still leaves me disturbed

The elections

Born into a malayalee family it's no surprise that I am opinionated and political. Most of us are so from the time I turned eighteen my father made sure I exercised my right to vote and I have done so ever since . Being Christian ,married to a Hindu,with a fair number of Muslim friends,I grew up not having to know anyone's religion to be friends with them so it's scary and disturbing when the Indian elections throw up such hatred and below the belt jibes which lowers the discussion on serious issues and leaves me wondering why after being a decent country,we have suddenly become such bigots. The social media which is fairly new to most of us,is a real offender. All over it people are getting worked up (me included) and friendships (not the real strong ones) are being destroyed simply because some ruthless power hungry politicians have made us take sides. Do I blame the politicians ...well not really,their have always wanted power and will go to any lengths to get it,that is what they do. What disturbs me is not their shrill rhetoric but the gullibility of educated people who can fall for ad campaigns,social media vitriol and myths . Somewhere in the back of my mind I have always held a thory that education (the academic kind and not the broadening of the mind) has made us more narrow minded and more selfish. The average poor Indian will take the bribes and handouts given to them but will make a decision based in a completely different set of rules. We the educated instead,will rant and rave on social media and then sit and home and watch TV and get more worked up and come Election Day some of us will realise rather late in the day that our names are not on the list or we will discover a party which we simply can't attend or we will proudly announce that we use the none of the above option so no one wins....well the whole idea is to get someone to govern . Imagine if all of us (thank god we are a small minority of urban educated elite or so we are branded) opted for the none of the above option....we will be left with a country with no government. How foolish is that. This election for my city is just a day away and then I will have to vote for the ones I think will be better than the ones existing but it still leaves me disturbed

April and the summer is here

April is the cruelest month according to T S Elliot and in more ways than one it is true for me to. In march I gave myself a holiday from exercise and let me tell you it was great fun to be lazy,to sleep late into the morning to eat at will and generally do nothing but at my age even good things have to end or the actual end may come faster then I am prepared for. It's just a week into April and I have been exercising every day,yoga,swimming and cutting down on the eating. There are two delicious slabs of halwa waiting to be eaten in fact begging to be eaten but I have ignored them and left them in the fridge. One is being donated to an elder sister who has endless guests so my guilt is taken care of. I have kep a diary of all that I eat and am cutting down on my favourite rice. Now the heat and dust of an Indian summer is well and truly here and like every year I actually hope that all my fat melts but it never happens so I drink fruit juice and sweat it out,not because I have to but simply because I live in a city which has probably the hottest summers ever. It's humid and miserable and enough to dampen more than just the soul but the flip side is that one is forced to do all the exercising in the early morning which leaves one the whole day to do other things and one big chore is out of the way. I have stayed away from the weighing scales as they have a nasty habit of giving me the wrong figures though they are always right about the husbands weight. The big bonus this month is that I have had to give up my exercise buddy but found that the husband was actually willing to replace her for a month so obviously the gods are against me too....no excuse for the wicked I say.

Much as I love to crib the point is that I am secretly enjoying myself. The water in the pool is warm and washes over me like a blanket. I can swim before sunrise and beat the heat too. My yoga class is also going well and it's nice to have company from home as I don't even have to drive the car to class this month. The husband is exercise buddy and chauffeur this month,what bliss.

All this because my body mind and should do not see eye to eye. The pull in different directions and I can't get them to be friends and like typical enemies they are constantly pulling each other down with me caught in the middle.....but what they don't realise is that they have no choice but to stick with me so there I am going to teach them who is the boss . This is only week one and if I can keep this up the entire week well that's mission impossible accomplished 

My exercise holiday

For many years now I have been exercising every day almost. Have tried many things,for the first few years it was hitting the gym,and only the guilt of having paid so much for the membership kept me going. After four years of doing the same thing with hardly any results (I continued to be the same weight as before though I was always healthy) I decided it wasn't for me. Then I took up yoga and continued for five years of almost regular attendance . I like the slow pace and the calming effect and the fact that it is done first thing in the morning and kind of sets the agenda for the day. Swimming I took up to prove to myself that an old dog can be taught new tricks. I am a slow swimmer but can swim for an hour and be very happy. I have been swimming for three years. This month a nasty cold caught hold of me and put paid to any exercise so I decided to take an exercise holiday especially after blood tests proved that I was in the pink of health. I feel guilty about doing nothing (though I enjoy my laziness). Someone told me that a habit takes only twenty one days to form and as they say habits are supposed to die hard. Well I have been doing all manner of exercise in the last six years but it's always been a big ask to get me going. The fact that mostly guilt guids me is one thing,it's just that despite all of this I can't make exercise a habit. Dedication is not my thing at all and as for commitment well it's skipped me by totally. I know I eat too much but I do cook rather well and I know I must exercise but I just can't. My friends are all dedicated exercise people and nothing seems to bother me. Unfortunately I can't seem to get away from it. The icing on the cake was when a neighbour who normally never talks to me...actually asked me why I haven't been going for yoga. Now am I so fat that even the neighbourhood is concerned? .i promise myself everyday that today is the day and that day is still coming. My mother who normally frowns at my swimming obsession has asked me why I haven t been swimming. It look like the whole world is conspiring against me so well....maybe I should do something g about it. My exercise holiday just isn't so blissful after all

The elections and he debates

It's election time in India and despite having worked in media or perhaps because of this I find the TV debates biased,hysterical and just playing to the gallery. It's an entertainment show unlike the BBC debates or other international media where facts are discussed and not emotions. Our media does random voting at TV shows. For instance today I watched a show where the audience consisted of youngster s from cities all rather too young to vote. Half do them have no understanding of the economy but are asked to vote in the subject. The panelists are all experienced men but the show is all about putting words into peoples mouths,no substance but plenty of entertainment. Those of us you worked in media know that the show must bring in advertising revenue. Today even journalists are marketing persons,they sell what the advertisers want. Unfortunately marketing has taken over so much of our lives that even the election is all money power and marketing. Everyday we have some thing thrown at us about how one man can change the world. Not since Jesus Christ have we had such blind faith in one man. Unfortunately none of the men. Who claim to change our country have any idea what we want. Our welfare is far from their minds,their own ambition overrides all else. Finally  we are left with a crowd of disjointed candidates all of whole we know cannot deliver a stable government or progress along with social justice. Will we ever see change for the better?. I am willing to settle for a stable political environment where all of us are living in peace. Sadly today we are being made aware of our many differences of culture,religion etc despite having lived peacefully for many years . Because he choices are so limited we try and make sense of what media says but when even that is all hype and hoppla one wonders,what at we basing our choices on....god save our country.

Online myths

Going online for things is alien for me as is buying ,selling and all. eBay was never my thing but because I believe that one must know how all things work,I decided to go online to rent out my flat. Old fashioned me believes in doing some research so there I was looking for possible rents for the area so I went on to an Indian rental service website which has been advertised so heavily that I expected not just the earth and the moon but also the stars. Suffice to say I got nothing at all. When I couldn't find what I was looking for I did an advance search and put on location and various other parameters and what I got was rents for apartments in places at least forty five to fifty kilometers away from the location chosen. Now explain to me how this is of anyrelevance. So who actually updates these sites,and let me tell you I didn't stop with one. The point is that each area commands a different rate,each product demands a different set of parameters,so what is the idea of giving one every choice available most of which is irrelevant. This is my problem with internet these days and especially with the Indian web sites. Of ourse we Indians demand a lot more,we are the kind who love to search for the best bargains and all that but honestly if I wanted to do that wouldn't I just go driving around in my car. Talking to all and sundry why would I click on something from the privacy of my home only to be given data which is of no use to me....what irks me most ofcourse if the constant ads that these sites run,all of them telling us how we can change our lives in seconds (that in itself should have warned me,where does anything happen in seconds?. Even god took seven days for heavens sake). Thanks to having grown up with no internet,I have all my age old fallback options,friends,phone calls,etc etc so it's back to good old legs to do the walking and coversations that will throw up the next best thing. As for online checking,well I will indulge in to just to pick holes but never to do serious business.

The sound of music

It's been six years to the day that my father passed away,six years since I quit work,six years since my mother came to stay with me. A long time but it doesn't feel that way. I still can't bring myself to visit his grave,though I am more than happy to visit graveyards in other countries. The trauma is too much for me. I believe the first time someone in ones family dies is the most difficult of times,and despite the time I wake up with nightmares of that time. But over the years I have tried to put away the bad memories and focus on the good. Today was one such. Surfing the tv channels looking for something to view I came across the movie...the sound of music. A great believer in signs to me this was one such. Many years ago,I think I may have been six though I can't be sure. The movie was playing to packed houses in madras at one of the premium cinemas of that day. The novelty of wide screen was a big event in our city and my father wanted me to share the excitement . The memory of it is etched in my mind,how much is truth or just my imagination I can't tell but I did see the movie in wide screen,I remember eating sandwiches my mother had packed which my father carried in a worn green leather bag that the same one he took to office. I remember him telling me to look out for Maria coming in from the far end of the screen. I sat spellbound and to this day the scene where the captain and Maria finally decide to come together and that song is what defines romance for me. Hills beautiful green and the alps in all their majesty was for my six year old mind,the ultimate experience. That movie I held on to and to this day when I am feeling sad I simply remember the movie and I feel happy. Last year I finally fulfilled my dream of wandering around Salzburg and reliving the movie. Today as I remember my father the one memory I hold dear is my sound of music experience and so with gratitude I watch the movie and feel happy many years after my father has gone and I am no longer a six year old ....memories such as this is what defines life and for that I am for ever grateful .

 

Frumpy me

The new year dawned and with it a vague sense of unease. I have been trying in vain to pin it down to a reason but all reason seems to fail me. Yet I have noticed little things....I am just a tad bored. Unlike other years I don't have a project this time around. Then I notice that my wardrobe is full of clothes I don't wear and as the years roll nut they are becoming faded and dated like yours truly. My once fashionable clothes have given way to a kind of uniform....all day sees me in shorts and t shirts,the evening give way to t shirts and track pants. My high heals have given way to flats and my flats have given way to running shoes....oh no don't get me wrong there is no running in this life. Hush puppies and sky high boots have been replaced by stodgy Clark's . The once coiffed hair has given way to a birds nest which at best of times I battle with and the one time I put a hair dryer to it,I have to make an SOS call to the hairdresser. My beautiful midnight blue mascara is languishing thanks to disuse....I am sure my neighbours might think me a bit mad if I wore shorts,t shirt and blue mascara even I couldn't carry that off though I do most things. My make up kits are now used on unsuspecting nieces who have no choice but to let me "make them up". I haven't heard a complain which means I am good at what I do. My designer handbags have given way to a mop. Yes a mop if you please,as in cleaning the floors. The only spreadsheet s that I use now are to make notes on fish prices or to make meal plans for my never ending guests.

All symptoms of becoming a frump I think. So drastic action has to be taken. Except for church where I still manage to go well presented to meet my maker,I have decided that all clothes will be donated to girls who could use them. Unfortunately they may have to pin and tuck to get them to be serviceable after all I did pile on some weight over the years. I have solved the handbag problem.i had donated them early and now use hand me downs of my well travelled sisters. Having figured out my basic problem (turning into a frump) I am still left with the strange sense of unease. I blame kindle for that. Having worked long and hard in the corporate sector we were conditioned to believe that most things that can be had for free must be taken for free,so we learnt to get everything sponsored. Now here it am very loathed to buy books online or offline. I need to read a book a day and all the classics are free online and I have read them all in my lifetime so here I am going cross eyed by the hour hunting down free books.  The vague sense is still there,somewhere something is up and if I do get to the bottom of it then I will make notes but for now the idea is to make frump a fashionable state of being.

Only time will tell

Growing up,we had parents who were as different as chalk and cheese in their attitude to life. My mother was conservative,docile (on the outside) and very hands on as far as parenting goes. Her life revolved around the comfort of her children . No demand was too much for her,baring not studying. She wanted us to make something of our lives so we were well fed,she being a brilliant cook and she spent hours teaching us,looking after us and generally doing everything and some to make our lives as comfortable as possible . She and my dad didn't agree on most things,their outlook to life being so different . My mother would worry about finances,about our health and so on. My father was a man given to loving the good things of life. Much as my mother would do without some luxuries,my father made sure he could enjoy life. He loved his food and drink,was reckless in many ways was more of an absent father not because he was working himself to the bone but rather that he was enjoying the company of his friends in the evenings. He lived his life on his terms and if we didn't understand those terms very many times it was too bad. He really couldn't care less. But having said that he did make sure we got the best education he could provide,he always told us economic independence was important for a woman and he didn't believe our role was that of housewife and mother (though he did think that was my mothers role).

Thus three children grew up in this environment and as adults all three of us in many ways are like chalk and cheese. I grew up with a fierce sense of independence,a determination to earn my living and to be economically independent. I live life on my terms but it came with a huge burden of responsibility. I believe it was my role to give back for all that I got,and for me that meant looking after my parents in old age,providing every comfort that I could afford. I married late (by Indian standards) as I was pretty sure that marriage should be a meeting of minds to be successful . My eldest sister was married very young and had two children in quick succession and for many years we didn't know too much of how she lived her life. While we didn't know too much,she in many ways also lived life on her terms,doing all the things that she enjoyed and a bit like my father she was and absent daughter,no phone calls no letters and few visits....things changed once she got older and now we see more of her. Both of us like our father like the good things in life,we will go after it,hunt out our food and drink to the extent that it is one of our prime passions. We have varied interests and seem to have a lot of fun....we have picked up a lot of traits of our mother but to a large extent a lot of our father can be seen in us.

My. Idle sister like most middle children remains a mystery. She like my mother is conservative to the point of being hilarious. She lives by rules,demands that rules are followed,even when they defy logic. She is a bit of a loner and is almost as negative as my mother but like my mother her heart is in the right place. She can be dependable but can also be overbearing . She like my mother has made sulking a fine art and will always have her way. She is as anxious as my mother and has very little of my father except for his domineering ways.

Today as we enter the twilight years of our lives I look back and wonder how three people who grew up in the same environment can be so different to each other. Does genetics or environment change our lives. What really makes us who we are.? I think the jury is still out on that one but I wait to see how the three of us will shape up in our seventies and eighties. Will we end up being crotchety old maids or will we be the merry wives of Windsor . Only time will tell