Ageing parents

Parents....most of our lives they have cared for us without too much acknowledgment from kids,yet they go on at it during all the highs and lows of life.We have our battles at every stage in life and its only when one reaches a certain age and parents start to grow old that we realise how much they mean to us,what a big part they play in our lives never mind how old we are.My mother as long as I can remember has always been cooking up great meals.She is the kind who cant keep still for too long and is always doing something or the other related to food.Or she watches loads of tv and then we have great battles on those subjects,never agreeing on anything.When she has a bit of time she will read the newspaper cover to cover (very much the way my dad did in his old age).My mother is 80 and that's pretty old but for the life of me I cant come to terms with her being old,for me she has to be busy,I cant deal with it when she is ill or a bit under the weather,then my whole day is spoilt.I know something is wrong when she is not out and about the house.Today I actually took a good look at her face (most days we are busy arguing with each other or just chatting that I have never noticed small details).I saw the fine lines,the papery skin ,the grey hair,the fading eyes and my heart turns cold.Maybe its my inability to deal with my own mortality,or the inability that one day she too must pass.Mothers for some reason are more a part of our lives that fathers (at least to some of my generation).She knows all my friends and the little details of their lives,she know all my sorrows and my pain,she knows my moods and she just knows me better than most.So why is it that for me its so important that she makes the tea at 5pm.Its my indicator that all is well with her.I need to see her at 9.30am making the first cup of tea ...Tea isn't the big deal here but I just need to see her there.Am I asking too much of an 80 year old.Am I just not willing to face the reality that people do get old and frail.I am being morbid and silly at times but my mother being ill or out of sorts is the most stressful thing in life at the moment.We have lived with each other for all my life and a good part of hers.The house is mine but most of the stuff in it is hers,that's how much our lives are woven into each others.Most people I know with old parents go through this crisis,we look out for each other despite getting on each others nerves at times.We all jump at those midnight phone calls,we sleep light if there are old parents at home and some lucky ones like me have them under ones roof but what of my friends who live in far away countries and have only the phone to keep in touch,what do they do when conversations become impossible when parents loose their hearing?,what happens when they are too far to be there when they are most needed and what about the parents themselves?.How terrible to be all alone when one is old especially the ones with families children,grandchildren etc but no one to talk to.That is real loneliness and like it or not we will all have to face it one day.How we cope is really what matters in the end.

Garden psychology

In the heat of good old madras with temperatures reaching 40degrees c,I try very hard to have some green space in my home.A small balcony therefore is brimming with plants in greens and purple along with a basil and thyme (brought in from cold and lovely ooty).My terrace has ladies finger and bitter gourd along with cactus and all manner of other plants.The cactus is the result of a great ambition to have a cactus garden but having no clue how to grow them I dilly dallied on the decision to grow them.Then along came a niece with some cactus plants given to her by some avid gardener and here she was a girl with zero interest in gardening,so they found their way into my home and not having a clue like I mentioned,they were bunched together in one pot.Some more cactus came along on trips to ooty but they died protesting the heat of madras,some came from Bangalore and had a lot more spirit as they thrived and got along so well with some others that they soon bangalored the rest.All of the plants have their own personalities and some of them are great sulks,they can sulk if I forget to water them for a day (I can understand when its really hot but why sulk in winter?).In sheer exasperation with this constant sulking I ignored them a few days and some bug got hold of them and eat up all their leaves.Feeling a bit guilty I continued to water despite not being too optimistic about the two but wonder of wonders after a few months (I think this was a new way of protest) the leaves were back and they were looking rather good.The good news is that this new avatar doesn't sulk.I am still trying to figure out the psychology of these plants.The aloe vera on the other hand will bloom and grow even if they outgrow their pot,they have their own attitude.My basil and thyme make me rather proud.The heat has just begun and perhaps I talk too soon but they have grit their teeth and are pulling along very well and braving the heat.On the whole all my plants have learnt to adapt to daily watering even when some of them in normal circumstances don't need to be watered daily.The seem to have realised that to co exist with others very different from themselves,they need to make a few compromises,so bravely they adapt and live and give me great pleasure and teach me small lessons in life that only a thriving garden in how ever small a space can teach you.