out of control

Abnormal psychology was a subject we looked forward to.Reading our prescribed text most of the class assumed that we had one or more of the illnesses mentioned there.The lecturer herself was a difficult woman,but a brilliant teacher.We went through the whole semester studying mental illness its treatment and what or how to cope.The principle was clear,neurosis was a function of how fragile a persons mind was.Its a tipping point.It can easily happen to any of us and its scary.Then I went to counselling courses and sessions and the practise of the subject made me realise that the mind besides being complicated,can be made to surrender for better or for worse.Its not surprising that human behaviour is decided by our environment and our upbringing.The fact that a child's personality is formed in the first six years of its life is what is scary.

Today I watch a friend go to pieces,I see the symptoms and I feel for the person but what interests me more is how we behave in situations when someone is loosing his or her grip on the world and on their lives.We may seem like fair weather friends but is it because we cant cope,we don't know how to handle the situation or does it reflect on ourselves and who we are.We avoid situations that involve the person,we fail to make the phone calls that we made so often in better times and we fail to visit as often as we need to,but then again help cannot be extended unless the concerned person wants help or is willing to talk about it.It can only work when the concerned person decides to change and is willing to admit to the problem but all of us are in denial,we are caught up with our little follies,we want to be popular,liked by our friends and to be normal and the danger lies there.Today I see my friends,the one who sought help and had the courage to change,have pulled themselves out of danger,but the ones who refuse to accept that there is a problem continue to spiral out of control while we watch helplessly and hope to god that there may not be a situation we will have cause to regret.

loss and learning

Life is so complicated.One day is a fun evening with girl friends,the next day the same people get on ones nerves.Then the next day someone you love but never bothered to acknowledge dies and suddenly one wonders if one did say all the things that needed to be said.

There is something final about death but our customs can get in the way.Christians bury the dead and for us that alone ensures that the end is never really so final.The Hindus burn their dead and all that left is ashes thrown into some sacred river and gone forever.I always thought that was a crazy practise.I couldn't imagine setting fire to someone ones loves but today after visiting the cemetery(something I avoid doing) I realised that burying the dead makes it a lot more difficult to forget.For us a visit to the grave is like a visit to that person.On festivals we leave flowers,on holidays we go to talk to a stone because in our hearts and minds the person is there.Its never really over.For me my father is still very much in the neighbourhood and I cannot let go.Every visit is a reminder of the many memories some good some bad but most of all a deep sadness,an emotion that one doesn't need,but cannot rid oneself of.Was cremation a better option.I am not sure,would I regret that there is nothing lasting to go to.Would I feel better?.I think not because at the end of the day,a loss is still a loss and we are all victims of our faith and our upbringing so we cling to the little things in life and go back to the past and relive times and we will never forget.The fact of the matter is that parents are not people we forget or stop missing.Every act is a memory of things learnt of things we hated doing but were forced to and for which we are grateful because in their wisdom they taught us many things and now we realise the depth of what was taught.Maybe it wasn't something one learnt to appreciate at the time but it takes loss to understand somethings but I wish there was a better way