Reading the newspaper every morning was one thing that a lot of our generation was made to do.I believe its because that was our source of general knowledge(big deal when we were kids)I willed myself to reading it but over the years managed to keep abreast of things mostly political.
One section of the paper I was happy to do without was the sports pages.Today I know that sports pages of newspapers are a big deal and people can watch any amount of TV but will continue to read all of it over again in the newspaper.Not me(I am sure there are lots of people like me)I even skip the pages which have great pictures.Not being a great fan of any sport I cant see the need to do so.
In a country that is obsessed with cricket,this (not reading the cricket news or watching TV)can be a big issue.Today I realised how difficult it is to relate to someone who loves sports.My dad who is in hospital is simply dying to know the news so in all goodness I took the paper along all ready to read aloud to him.The news was so dull I wondered what would interest him so we turned to the business page.He needed to know the latest in the business space so the fact that the sensex had droped 600 odd points was news to him,then he wanted to know what happened to Justine Henin at the Australian open.Ignorant me didn't even know that the Australian open was on so I scrambled through the news to find nothing on the woman.Next he asked about the cricket match between India and Australia and again I was blank.Oh dear, there I was with a headline that said something about V'VS Lakshman having pulled off a great deal but what was it.Read the whole story but couldn't find a single simple sentence that said what I wanted to know.It was a huge flop show.My dad politely told me that that was enough news for the day.I didn't read to him about Bobby Fisher dying as I censor all deaths to him.(no point in getting a man at his age depressed).
I packed up the paper but am still convinced that the sports pages are written badly,why don't they just tell us simple facts and then go on to the analysis.Why do the sports writers think that everyone has already watched it all on TV.Some of us old fashioned types do still read the paper you know.Well for one I haven't been converted to a sports page fan and have no intention of becoming one either,and as for the news,it shall be delegated to the husband who can spend hours on sports channels and read all the news on sports and store it away in his long term memory till kingdom come.So in the interests of looking at solutions,he shall be sent to break the news on India's performance against the Australians and going by the whoops and yells emanating form our TV room it ought to be good news.(that reads as India won the match)
tea gardens
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
mail vans and ravens
Looking around I find that the red mail van is missing from roads today.I think there are fewer mail vans now.For years we held on to some of our superstitions.I am not superstitious by any stretch of imaginations but somethings are so much a part of our social and psychological fabric that we can never get away from them.Passing by the post office today brought it all back.
At school we believed that if we saw a red mail van(colour very important even though there is only one colour)we had to cross our fingers and could uncross them only when we came upon the next red van.To do so before that brought bad luck.Today with the advent of the email the mail van has disappeared and so has our superstition.
One of the great superstitions that remain to this day is the one on ravens.It goes like this,one for sorrow,two for joy,three for letter,four for boy,five for silver,six for gold and seven for secrets that will never be told.Of course the raven is not so common so its unlikely that we would find either the boy or the silver or gold but the sorrow and joy was very likely.We all went into a tizzy if we saw one raven,the quickest way to pass off the bad luck was to point the bird to another friend.If we saw one in the morning the whole day would be ruined,if we saw one before the test then we were convinced that it would be a failure.It was so ingrained in our psyche that even when something did happen(not related to the bird) we attributed it to the bird in question.Two of them always brought a smile to our faces.
The other superstition(I think this has its origins in Kerala or in some part of India) was that one should never set out as a threesome to any important discussion....it was bound to flop,so if the parents were off to see a girl or boy(as in arranging a marriage) they would go as two or four and never three.If we left the house on some important mission and had to come back as soon as we step out the door(for having forgotten something)we would have to sit down and drink a glass of water to get the bad luck out.
Touching wood is another superstition that has been around for ages.Its so much a part of our lives that we always touch wood without thinking about it.
Horseshoes are another big deal.One is never sure if it has to be hung upwards or downwards but one thing is for sure.The shoe has to have fallen off the horses foot naturally to be of any luck.
Wearing new clothes inside out was a sure sign of getting a new set(I always did this on purpose hoping my mom would get me another set,unfortunately she claimed not to have heard of this little bit of superstition).
Eating the last bit of food on a plate made you a spinster for life so we were all careful not to do so(there was a time when we thought spinsterhood was a bad thing till we knew better).
One very strange one was that a bumper harvest always signaled death in the family.It translated into smaller versions that included plants in the garden or balcony.So if your plants are looking unusually healthy be warned.
On mondy Thursday,most mallu Syrian christian homes baked a rice pudding.It was made with rice flour,yeast and toddy(vattaiappam).If it came out perfect all was well but God forbid it cracked in the middle,it was a sure sign of death in the family.My mother was so terrified of this superstition that we stoped making this appam in our house on mondy thursday.It was ok to make it on other days.
I am trying to research the beginnings of all these superstitions,myths and legends but its amazing how when we buy into something with no logical explanation,it can still rule our minds despite our rational minds telling us that its all a load of rubbish.
At school we believed that if we saw a red mail van(colour very important even though there is only one colour)we had to cross our fingers and could uncross them only when we came upon the next red van.To do so before that brought bad luck.Today with the advent of the email the mail van has disappeared and so has our superstition.
One of the great superstitions that remain to this day is the one on ravens.It goes like this,one for sorrow,two for joy,three for letter,four for boy,five for silver,six for gold and seven for secrets that will never be told.Of course the raven is not so common so its unlikely that we would find either the boy or the silver or gold but the sorrow and joy was very likely.We all went into a tizzy if we saw one raven,the quickest way to pass off the bad luck was to point the bird to another friend.If we saw one in the morning the whole day would be ruined,if we saw one before the test then we were convinced that it would be a failure.It was so ingrained in our psyche that even when something did happen(not related to the bird) we attributed it to the bird in question.Two of them always brought a smile to our faces.
The other superstition(I think this has its origins in Kerala or in some part of India) was that one should never set out as a threesome to any important discussion....it was bound to flop,so if the parents were off to see a girl or boy(as in arranging a marriage) they would go as two or four and never three.If we left the house on some important mission and had to come back as soon as we step out the door(for having forgotten something)we would have to sit down and drink a glass of water to get the bad luck out.
Touching wood is another superstition that has been around for ages.Its so much a part of our lives that we always touch wood without thinking about it.
Horseshoes are another big deal.One is never sure if it has to be hung upwards or downwards but one thing is for sure.The shoe has to have fallen off the horses foot naturally to be of any luck.
Wearing new clothes inside out was a sure sign of getting a new set(I always did this on purpose hoping my mom would get me another set,unfortunately she claimed not to have heard of this little bit of superstition).
Eating the last bit of food on a plate made you a spinster for life so we were all careful not to do so(there was a time when we thought spinsterhood was a bad thing till we knew better).
One very strange one was that a bumper harvest always signaled death in the family.It translated into smaller versions that included plants in the garden or balcony.So if your plants are looking unusually healthy be warned.
On mondy Thursday,most mallu Syrian christian homes baked a rice pudding.It was made with rice flour,yeast and toddy(vattaiappam).If it came out perfect all was well but God forbid it cracked in the middle,it was a sure sign of death in the family.My mother was so terrified of this superstition that we stoped making this appam in our house on mondy thursday.It was ok to make it on other days.
I am trying to research the beginnings of all these superstitions,myths and legends but its amazing how when we buy into something with no logical explanation,it can still rule our minds despite our rational minds telling us that its all a load of rubbish.
Ties that bind
It takes a crisis to bring people closer together,to find out more about each other,to discover our strengths and weaknesses.It strengthens bonds which we take for granted .
The last few days have been the only time in a long while when all my sisters and our families have been under one roof and in shared circumstances.It has been a time of learning and I have found that taking all the decisions for so many years has been hard and that two or three heads are better than one.
Its also been a time when we have looked at solutions instead of focusing on problems.We have renewed our ties with close members of our family,cousins we have been out of touch with,aunts and uncles and friends we had forgotten.We have found that each member on this chain has something to contribute,from finding help to helping out with Church and religious affairs(we are not too clued in on our religious side).We have learnt to count our blessings.In a short span of time we have found house help(expensive but worth it).From having no one to having someone round the clock is a great leap in time.We have discovered that some of the things we did in the past is now coming in handy.We have learnt to communicate better with each other and to lean on each other more.We are not out of the woods as yet and there is a long way to go but besides bringing our own family closer we have also discovered the kindness of strangers,we have had help from the most unexpected quarters and for this we are grateful.To us this is a sign that God is in his heaven and all is right in the world.
The last few days have been the only time in a long while when all my sisters and our families have been under one roof and in shared circumstances.It has been a time of learning and I have found that taking all the decisions for so many years has been hard and that two or three heads are better than one.
Its also been a time when we have looked at solutions instead of focusing on problems.We have renewed our ties with close members of our family,cousins we have been out of touch with,aunts and uncles and friends we had forgotten.We have found that each member on this chain has something to contribute,from finding help to helping out with Church and religious affairs(we are not too clued in on our religious side).We have learnt to count our blessings.In a short span of time we have found house help(expensive but worth it).From having no one to having someone round the clock is a great leap in time.We have discovered that some of the things we did in the past is now coming in handy.We have learnt to communicate better with each other and to lean on each other more.We are not out of the woods as yet and there is a long way to go but besides bringing our own family closer we have also discovered the kindness of strangers,we have had help from the most unexpected quarters and for this we are grateful.To us this is a sign that God is in his heaven and all is right in the world.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
reverse generation gap
We all have different ways of dealing with stress,sorrow and other emotions.In our hour of crisis,my mother gets defensive and cold,one sister gets clinical while my elder sister and I write,she writes in long hand and I blog.
This afternoon we talked...my sister and I about forgiveness and sadness.We believe that as one grows old and frail,its time to focus on the good things in life,the happy memories,the things the other person did for us.We focused today on our father.
He at some level is an intelligent man,his knowledge gathered from books,newspapers,magazines movies and other ways.If the Internet was ready in his time he would have been a member of face book or orkut.
His choice music channel is VH1 or MTV.He is a great fan of shakira,the backstreet boys and some others I have no clue about.At 87 his choice of music is so strange we have a reverse generation gap.I discovered how out of date I was when I tried cheering him up by loaning him my Ipod.He then tells me my music is old fashioned.Didn't he remember that he introduced me to the listeners choice programme on radio,he made me listen to radio Ceylon and radio Australia.I am caught in time wrap while my father embraced youth.His active mind sought out the trendy and the modern.He found more in common with his 30 something grandson than with his 40 something daughter.
Today as I watch him fighting for life,I am sad and broken hearted for the active mind is housed in a body that is fast giving up and to see that happen is the worst thing in life.I hold his hand in the ICU and fight desperately to hold back tears.....i don't want him to see me cry but he is an intelligent man and knows that I am not telling him the whole truth.I walk away because I cant deal with it and my elder sister and I compare notes.We see things in similar ways and our sorrow is the other side of joy....complicated but that's life.
This afternoon we talked...my sister and I about forgiveness and sadness.We believe that as one grows old and frail,its time to focus on the good things in life,the happy memories,the things the other person did for us.We focused today on our father.
He at some level is an intelligent man,his knowledge gathered from books,newspapers,magazines movies and other ways.If the Internet was ready in his time he would have been a member of face book or orkut.
His choice music channel is VH1 or MTV.He is a great fan of shakira,the backstreet boys and some others I have no clue about.At 87 his choice of music is so strange we have a reverse generation gap.I discovered how out of date I was when I tried cheering him up by loaning him my Ipod.He then tells me my music is old fashioned.Didn't he remember that he introduced me to the listeners choice programme on radio,he made me listen to radio Ceylon and radio Australia.I am caught in time wrap while my father embraced youth.His active mind sought out the trendy and the modern.He found more in common with his 30 something grandson than with his 40 something daughter.
Today as I watch him fighting for life,I am sad and broken hearted for the active mind is housed in a body that is fast giving up and to see that happen is the worst thing in life.I hold his hand in the ICU and fight desperately to hold back tears.....i don't want him to see me cry but he is an intelligent man and knows that I am not telling him the whole truth.I walk away because I cant deal with it and my elder sister and I compare notes.We see things in similar ways and our sorrow is the other side of joy....complicated but that's life.
The ICU wait
I sit vigil outside the ICU while my father battles inside under an onslaught of tubes and machines.He fades in and out of consciousness and the doctors move in and around.It all started with him being unwell and then getting better and I was under the mistaken notion that he was on the way to recovery.However after putting people in place to help i got on with my life.
Long years of being with the parents has tuned my mind to a different wave length.I know when trouble brews.On Sunday I slept well but saw some strange dreams which woke me up with this disturbed feeling and It turns out my father needed to be taken to the hospital.
Forty five minutes for an ambulance,even more for medical attention and finally when the BP dropped and continued to drop they wheeled him into the ICU
My sister and I waited outside for an hour and the news wasn't good.They told us that this was the end and we needed to inform the rest of the family.I have never been more glad to have an elder sister around.While I dissolved into tears,she handled the phone calls and decided what to do while calming me down as well.My husband had been summoned and his instant reaction was that while there is life there is hope.
My delima is this,while I agree with him on that front,I cant bear to see my father suffer.My relationship with him hasn't been anything to write home about.There has been more drama and fights than happy memories but I can never forget that my father stood against the tide where education was concerned.He ensured that all the girls went to the best schools and colleges,he instilled in us a great curiosity to see beyond our books,so we listened to music watched the movies and read like there is no tomorrow.It was probably one of the smarted things he did for us.
He hasn't left us rich in the money sense but his investments helped me get my first flat.He is a strange man and over the years I have left behind the bad memories and learned to appreciate what he went through.
Today there are conflicting views on what we need to do.The doctors don't hold out much hope.Do we stop the medication and let him die or do we give him a chance to survive.Its a conflict and my heart breaks as I don't know.He continues to battle for his life against odds and I having done everything I can ,can only pray,pray hard that he doesn't suffer too much,pray hard that the good life he has had will end in peace and grace,but the agony of waiting is hard.Its probably harder for him knowing that this is probably the end.
I don't know how I will handle all this but right now the questions remain on life and its meaning and despite all my calm I worry,I don't want to face up to it,I don't want to deal with it but I have no choice.
Long years of being with the parents has tuned my mind to a different wave length.I know when trouble brews.On Sunday I slept well but saw some strange dreams which woke me up with this disturbed feeling and It turns out my father needed to be taken to the hospital.
Forty five minutes for an ambulance,even more for medical attention and finally when the BP dropped and continued to drop they wheeled him into the ICU
My sister and I waited outside for an hour and the news wasn't good.They told us that this was the end and we needed to inform the rest of the family.I have never been more glad to have an elder sister around.While I dissolved into tears,she handled the phone calls and decided what to do while calming me down as well.My husband had been summoned and his instant reaction was that while there is life there is hope.
My delima is this,while I agree with him on that front,I cant bear to see my father suffer.My relationship with him hasn't been anything to write home about.There has been more drama and fights than happy memories but I can never forget that my father stood against the tide where education was concerned.He ensured that all the girls went to the best schools and colleges,he instilled in us a great curiosity to see beyond our books,so we listened to music watched the movies and read like there is no tomorrow.It was probably one of the smarted things he did for us.
He hasn't left us rich in the money sense but his investments helped me get my first flat.He is a strange man and over the years I have left behind the bad memories and learned to appreciate what he went through.
Today there are conflicting views on what we need to do.The doctors don't hold out much hope.Do we stop the medication and let him die or do we give him a chance to survive.Its a conflict and my heart breaks as I don't know.He continues to battle for his life against odds and I having done everything I can ,can only pray,pray hard that he doesn't suffer too much,pray hard that the good life he has had will end in peace and grace,but the agony of waiting is hard.Its probably harder for him knowing that this is probably the end.
I don't know how I will handle all this but right now the questions remain on life and its meaning and despite all my calm I worry,I don't want to face up to it,I don't want to deal with it but I have no choice.
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