The ICU wait

I sit vigil outside the ICU while my father battles inside under an onslaught of tubes and machines.He fades in and out of consciousness and the doctors move in and around.It all started with him being unwell and then getting better and I was under the mistaken notion that he was on the way to recovery.However after putting people in place to help i got on with my life.
Long years of being with the parents has tuned my mind to a different wave length.I know when trouble brews.On Sunday I slept well but saw some strange dreams which woke me up with this disturbed feeling and It turns out my father needed to be taken to the hospital.
Forty five minutes for an ambulance,even more for medical attention and finally when the BP dropped and continued to drop they wheeled him into the ICU
My sister and I waited outside for an hour and the news wasn't good.They told us that this was the end and we needed to inform the rest of the family.I have never been more glad to have an elder sister around.While I dissolved into tears,she handled the phone calls and decided what to do while calming me down as well.My husband had been summoned and his instant reaction was that while there is life there is hope.
My delima is this,while I agree with him on that front,I cant bear to see my father suffer.My relationship with him hasn't been anything to write home about.There has been more drama and fights than happy memories but I can never forget that my father stood against the tide where education was concerned.He ensured that all the girls went to the best schools and colleges,he instilled in us a great curiosity to see beyond our books,so we listened to music watched the movies and read like there is no tomorrow.It was probably one of the smarted things he did for us.
He hasn't left us rich in the money sense but his investments helped me get my first flat.He is a strange man and over the years I have left behind the bad memories and learned to appreciate what he went through.
Today there are conflicting views on what we need to do.The doctors don't hold out much hope.Do we stop the medication and let him die or do we give him a chance to survive.Its a conflict and my heart breaks as I don't know.He continues to battle for his life against odds and I having done everything I can ,can only pray,pray hard that he doesn't suffer too much,pray hard that the good life he has had will end in peace and grace,but the agony of waiting is hard.Its probably harder for him knowing that this is probably the end.
I don't know how I will handle all this but right now the questions remain on life and its meaning and despite all my calm I worry,I don't want to face up to it,I don't want to deal with it but I have no choice.