Lingering

The word linger has been playing on my mind so checked out the meaning.Very appropriate for the current situation"to be alive while still dying""existence while loosing strength"...some of the usages.We talk of lingering perfume,in a very positive way,we see fans linger outside a concert and the stars are happy.But to see someone lingering and in pain knowing that the end is near but not in our hands....that is tragic.
Birth and death are two powerful activities in life over which we have no control.Some might argue that we have a better say in birth.But think about it,do we really.Can we predict when someone is being born or that someone will be born earlier than expected?.To some extent yes but not entirely.Death is even more difficult.We all know that life has to end.For some earlier than expected,to some suddenly but to some its a lingering fact.
Today sitting in hospital,watching my father struggle to breath or even to be able to watch the world go by,I wondered if it was all worth it.What is the point of lingering.Yet knowing him he is probably fed up of being ill,it probably plays on his mind that he is nearing then end and what does that do to a person.Its like being on death row.What does one do to escape,what does one know of life after death.Is is scary to leave it all and go alone?.
I pray that he is released from his suffering but then again who am I to decide.Do I know best or is it propelled by a selfish need for closure?.Can anyone be truly rational in such situations.
Sometimes I wish I was a made in Japan robot.I would have my feeling controlled by remote,everything would be programmed and I would have to go as per cue.But then again is that life.Maybe that poor robot thinks my life is far more interesting,its probably waiting to be like me,or at least something of a human and so its back to full circle.Humility is understand that we don't have too much control and what we perceive as control is actually an illusion.