Holidays and stress

Why is it that planning holidays and packing for one is so stressful.Its starts with all the paper work,the networking,the research and then one is all ready with visas and tickets.Now begins the more complicated parts.Now for the large part of our lives we live in a city that is blazing hot,so most of the time we wear cotton,kadhi and little else.Fast forward to a holiday on an island which is famed for unpredictable weather and one is truly foxed.The general advice is light sweater(now here i am feeling hot and bothered in 18 degrees in air conditioning,I am probably the only person who was feeling so hot and sweaty in Europe that i was forced to sit in a bath of cold water to cool my system,so its not surprising that I have no intentions of getting a sweater ready(i don't own any warm clothes with the exception of my skin).All that working out at the gym means that some flab has been lost along the way,and watching many episodes of trinny and susanna have got me thinking,so there I am investing in clothes that fit right.Have decided that all those baggy ten clothes must go,a bit of daring never hurt anyone,more so when chances of meeting anyone i know is rather slim.Of course I will have to hold my breadth at regular intervals but then again do I care?.Not really,the one good thing about growing old is that one looses ones need to impress and this is licence enough to experiment.My feet are my biggest problem.Give me miles to walk and chances are that the feet are going to protest.I might be the only person alive who went all the way from India to Paris and bought shoes at Bata simply because the pursuit of style only left me with two left feet which protested loudly at the steps on monmantre.My quest for style and comfort continues and somewhere in great Britain there will be a shoe shop that will benefit from this one Indian who will be forced to buy shoes.

Now that all that stress has been handles,the thought of the journey scares me.The many reports of airbuses of every size and hue are falling into oceans or crashing into each other,does nothing for this nervous traveller who is wide awake at all times on long haul flights while the rest of the passengers snore.If ever a pilot needs company,he should call me.The prayers are said,the bible dusted from years of disuse is suddenly read for inspiration and comfort.I write wills ever time I travel out of the country and hope I can come back to tear it up all over again.

As the days pass by and travel dates get closer,my stress levels get to an all time high,all the news,and all the politics only makes me feel worse.In my mind ever thing can happen.The US may by accident(like they do most of the time) target the airplane I am using thinking its a terrorist owned one.Or Gordon Brown may call for a snap election and I may find myself in a country in a mess,or worse,the plane may crash in the Indian ocean and I don't even know how to float.As for all those safety precautions,I doubt if I will have the time to even think.And finally If I do reach the destination safe and sound,will I be impressed,will it be everything I dreamed it would be or am I setting myself up for disappointment.

Honestly the day I begin to enjoy the experience of planning and packing for a holiday,I may just find that the husband is rendered redundant,so perhaps its good that I am so stressed,after all the poor man has to put up with my anxieties and my absolute uselessness at such times.

Pondy is rather cheery

Holidays are best when they are not too well planned or so I would like to believe.A weekend getaway can greatly refresh and reenergise the soul.Sometimes it best taken with friends and the fewer the better.

This weekend my friend and I decided to get away to the seaside close to the city.A laid back French colony, it’s quaint and well planned and being French the food and wine is good as are places to stay at.

Over the years this place has grown and posh hotels are a dime a dozen, but the problem with them is that one may as well be in any city in any country.This is how standardised they are and therefore impersonal.We wanted local feel so we booked ourselves into a little guesthouse in an obscure street, though well surrounded with cafes and eating places.

Run by a woman who has turned her family home into a guest house,this old French villa has all the charm and romance of what one might expect of the French.She herself is half Indian and half French and is ready with maps and suggestions on what to do.We check in to our charming and very basic clean room,no TV no internet but yes books to read,places to sit out and sip tea and lovely garden to walk in.It lulls us into instant relaxation.I can sit at the reception desk and chat with the boys who help out,try out my French on unsuspecting French locals and do nothing at all.No timetables at this place.

The sun has decided to be kind and hide for the day, so we walk the promenade stop for a tea at the charming alliance francaise, read the latest magazines and newspapers in French and chat and gossip about our lives.

Lunch is French again,lovely cheesy pancakes,wine,grilled fish and custard,dinner follows on similar lines and the shopping is all in quaint little shops,full of local wares.Cool cottons,European designs,fragrances and scented candles,French bread and rich chocolate cake.

I forget my gym for the weekend and indulge my stomach and senses with no thought of tomorrow.Ofcourse the photos tell a different tale but this is how holidays are.We have no sense to direction so we read the map,get lost,find ourselves in new places all the time and enjoy the ride.Ofcourse my city friend wants to visit a local disco despite my warnings to the contrary and we leave as fast as we arrive.The place and its music is out of place in this small town with its style and charm and easy lifestyle.

Another simple lunch of salad and quiche and some interesting flower juice and we are back to the city but of course the drive on the beautiful coastline is well worth the drive.Its back home to all the responsibilities but one is refreshed and ready to take on the world.

prep and planning

Planning has never been my forte but planning is so much a part of life that one does have to make an attempt.I have decided to take a break from house work and routine to take a drive down to a sea side place with a friend of mine.Unfortunately this means a lot of planning,first of all the food,no not for the trip but for the family left behind at home.Ever since the mothers fractured hand,i haven't been able to leave the cooking to her so there i was this morning all charged up to do some serious cooking and freezing and I discovered there were not enough vegetables.The planning went something like this,two days and four people at home so five meals with two vegetable dishes each and the maths got me,as did the empty fridge.So I made a sambar which looks in danger of finishing tomorrow,beans porial which i put in the freezer,some beef cutlets that have been frozen and then i gave up.So much for planning.Dinner is still looming large and no idea hit me as yet.For years i wanted to be a professional chef,because i love food and its preparation but with planning letting me down its seems a pipe dream at the best of times.The mother made all the right noises of helping out and probably will so I have decided not to fret and to take things one day at a time.The thought of getting away from all responsibilities if so inviting that I just hope the car holds up and we have a good time

Agression and present society

I grew up in a generation of writing letters that later went on to the odd phone call or a visit.In fact my childhood was exactly that....childhood,reading Enid blyton,camping out with friends and eating home food or reading all the books i could possibly get.Which is why I find it so difficult to understand children of this generation.For them there is no childhood.At 12 or 13 and sometimes even younger,they are exposed to the adult world.Tv being the biggest culprit,followed by the Internet and the sheer social circles that children move in nowadays.Its not surprising to find children serving at home parties,children accompanying parents to pubs(not allowed but there is nothing that some influence cant buy).The conversations at home most often than not are peppered with fs and bs and that is almost accepted so don't be surprised if a youngster thinks its hip to use such language.In my days bad language meant that the mouth was washed out with soap if at all we used such language which frankly speaking not even the so called bad children did.Then i fail to understand the sheer anger and aggression that children today exhibit.The parents are largely to blame for this which is why we have so many bad teachers,(too scared to enfore the rules thanks to being sure of inviting the parents wrath)so much lack of discipline and the scant respect for people and authority.Parents today teach their children to be aggressive,to believe that the world is against them and to always bite before they bark.I have seen too many children and parents behave in this appalling manner which is why when I see parents and kids who don't,I know that they are the exceptions and we must give them a big hand.The west suffers today due to this scant regard for basic goodness and we seem to be going that way.Do we really care,i don't think so because its all coming down to I,Me and myself....scary but true and if someone doesn't act fast this will all end in tears.Unfortunately the very parents who so protect their children by fighting their battles,are in reality crippling the kids they love so much.Perhaps its time to go back to teaching self reliance,standing up for oneself and learning to respect another opinion.Any parents listening?

Fear is the key

I live in a constant state of panic and fear,not the visible kind but deep down in the core,there is a fear,Its irrational at times because I live in constant fear of loosing my mother,watching her suffer and worse not being able to do anything.Does this keep me on my toes,well it does and I constantly check to see if she is breathing,In fact I have been doing so since I was a child and I wonder if its just a habit that I cant break.

 

Yesterday the fear took a real turn,there I was working out at the gym and suddenly there was that little voice telling ,me that all is not well so I dash out and reach home.I watch my mother for a few hours to find that she is not focused and is being rather vague and disoriented,then she cant sit up.My first thought is a stroke,quite similar to what happened to my dad,they are not sure how to explain.Then practicality takes over and I in good faith shove some sweet horlicks down her throat and give her food and make her seem better.Its my moment of intense terror.I don’t want to have to deal with this.Added to the fact that I shouted at her for non cooperation and was feeling guilty.She seemed a lot better but I am still scared.Did the dosage go wrong did I do something to create this situation,the thoughts are endless.It leaves me tired and exhausted and I wish once again that I didn’t have to handle all this alone.

 

Of course I then went on to action mode and ordered blood tests and got the phone fixed and I will live another day but the feat never goes.Even my flowers and garden wilt with my fear,Will I ever get over it or will I always live in fear of loosing people.Strange are ones fears

The indian election result

I spent almost all of May 16th glued to the TV set (something I last did when the US elections were on).At the end of the day or rather in the middle,I was as surprised as I was when the US election result was declared.Did I ever believe that a black man could be president of the US.Well it happened.I voted and hoped the congress would win a resounding victory.The other parties had no agendas.The few local parties had demands that were so self serving that any self respecting person could see thought the fact that all they cared about was themselves and no one else(perhaps we must be thankful for their honesty)The BJP is stuck with a temple that is more millstone than agenda and all the pro Hindu and anti minority seems to have kicked in,till finally the Indian public decided this was on the way out.To have a stable government is to have governance.The good economist need not hanker after pleasing the demands of all and sundry and for the fresh faces and the education that the congress collectively has,am I glad we finally have people in power that can get on an international stage and not embarrass us.Am I glad that cast and religion and the petty divisions have been given a good and deep burial and I am glad to know that the people who lost are in do doubt that they lost.This is what a good election result is all about.A lot of people have been talking of Advanis secular credentials and how he had to bow to party pressure.Give me a break,is there no such thing as principals.A man who can resurrect Ram,a temple and create communal violence is no secular at heat.If power means giving up what you believe in then these   are not the people to be leading the country.I am delighted with the result and hope that this whole issue of caste and religion disappear from the Indian polity once and for all.

The great Indian circus

Today was a big day for the city,the streets are deserted and the only sign of life is in the public schools manned by armed police,because its election day in the city and for most people its a welcome middle of the week holiday but for those of us who cast our votes,its an important day too.Which brings me to the debate that rages among our friends and some family.Do we or don't we vote.Its interesting because a lot of us rant and rave about this miserable government,the corrupt politicians and the thugs that reign in this political arena,but when it comes to voting many of us refuse to take the plunge and do so.Some of the excuses are that there is no one worth it,or better still:I shall go an put an invalid vote(why for heavens sake must you do that).Still others opt for the option of none of the above and more often than not a lot of the most vocal people never vote.

I have been voting from the time i turned 18 thanks to my father who insisted that it was a fundamental right and i had no reason to crib if i didn't take the trouble to vote.So i did a quick check list of what I wanted in people in power(triggered by a comment by a friend who asked me if i would ever get into politics to which i replied never)For one they need to be educated.Now almost all of the candidates in this city are graduates or post graduates,so I cant afford to say they don't qualify(of course we know that education must really be a broadening of the mind and less about the degrees one earns)From their declared assets one would imagine that most of them are not very well off (funny when even one of the houses they live in will be well over 3 to 4 cores so how come their assets are only 1 to 2 cores...hmm accounting problems,I am pretty certain a pricewaterhouse coopers is involved)The I look for a secular candidate.(very tricky but essential,as most parties seem to have forgotten that the constitution describes us as a secular democratic republic,but we still talk of temple building like its the beginning and end of the world,never mind economic slowdown,poverty etc etc).Unfortunately in this political drama there are a number of small time players and most people seem to not understand the difference between local issues and national issues.So we have a jig saw puzzle of all manner of parties and all manner of aspiring prime ministerial candidates.Unfortunately since i am left to choose between the devil and the deep blue sea I simply look at some points that for most people will seem trivial.I look for those who speak good English(chances are they went to good convent schools and good christian colleges by and large,and one therefore assumes they will be more broadminded and secular).I look for people who are by birth pretty well off financially( I assume they have enough money to life by for a few generations and are therefore less prone to corruption though to think they will be clean is asking for too much)I look for people who have married into different communities or religions(this is an indication of there basic value of respecting others and of tolerance) and then I look for people who communicate well (Barack Obama may not do anything for America but he certainly captures the imagination and gives one the feeling that he may do something).Biased I may be but the congress by far fulfills ,most of these points I have raised.If I would have to choose a Manmohan Singh to an Advani I would rather have an economist who can hold his own on an international forum that a PM who is more interested in a temple (the people of the temple town couldn't care less) and in yatras that have huge religious overtones.I look around me and see the countries that are based on religion and how they flounder but wonder why these men who have been in public life for so long just seem to miss the point.After all neither Pakistan or Afghanistan are too far form Delhi right?.Well all said,I have cast my vote and now pray that a secular,broadminded and educated lot hold office in the next parliament and would I be asking for too much?....only may 16th will tell

summer delights

It’s the beginning of summer madness and I am reminded of the many temptations that came my way in childhood.Temptations that I could never give into but wanted desperately to be part of.

 

It started at school.The raw mango and chilli powder and salt,the blackberries that oozed juice.The candy floss man who churned magic with his wheel so plenty of pink fluff kid of emerged from nowhere filled with sugary sweetness.The ice man with his block of ice with no clue to the origins of the water that made the ice.He crushed the ice,added tantalising colours some of them hardly the kind of food colouring that one would imagine but the trill of sucking of sweetened crushed ice was bliss.The candy man with sticky multicoloured candy on a wooden pole that he would twist around our wrists into funny shapes.

 

We were forbidden to eat any of this on the grounds that it was unhygienic (which it was) and not safe (true again).But when one is a child these adult concerns are irelvent.So when we had collected enough change we would indulge in these summer temptations.

 

Strange but all of them have disappeared.Today I find children being treated to junk food in air-conditioned comfort and its not so different really.The chicken in the kfcs are genetically modified,the bread is industrial quality devoid of all nutrients and for all the so called hygiene its isn’t very different as the junk in the food makes up for all that.Kids are today more prone to things which as children we didn’t know the meaning of.Obesity….what was that….rickets….it existed in textbooks.We didn’t suffer sun strokes despite being in the sun ,we didn’t get fat because we had too much running around to do.

 

I wonder what life as a kid in this day and age is like,computers,tv constant reality shows….well I guess the quality of life just gets worse every year.My mother still talks of her wild childhood and I would gladly trade places just for the fun of it all.But summer still has its charms.

Hospital visits

Because the Internet connection is still playing up,this is yet another futile attempt at blogging but one never says never so here I am.

Looking after old people is never an easy job at the best of times,but its worse when one has the added responsibility of having to do it all alone.Of course if one is saddled with someone like my mother one is not entirely sure if one is to laugh or cry.

Today was a review meeting at the hospital with her doc.The appointment was fixed for 10.30am and knowing the way my mom loves to sleep late,getting there on time is a huge challenge.I plan well in advance and get tea and breakfast done,get her to brush her teeth and choose the saree that she will wear.Considering her hand is in a sling this leaves us with limited choices as the loose fitting blouses are few and the sarees that match even fewer.She being the proverbial squirrel,has many brand new sarees stored in pristine condition which she refuses to wear(her reason being that they are new and uncomfortable,never mind that i point to the fact that if worn once we could soften if and wear it again....falls on deaf ears)This morning i choose a pretty pink saree and blouse to match.Objections are raised at once,for the reasons quoted above,so i get into commander mode and issue a direct order,this or nothing.Much sulking and planning of next move follows.I have won the first round so we proceed to wear the saree.Now anyone who has to wear this five yards of material knows how difficult it can be to do,more so when one has to get someone else to wear it.Well i thought i managed pretty well and had it all under control.Oh no,perfectionist that she is,she found fault with the length of the pallu(the part which is draped over one shoulder).Then the pleats were all wrong.Now the function of the pleats is just to make movement easier,but she doesn't think so.Twice I am made to redo the whole thing.The clock by now has inched to the ten o clock mark and we are still getting dressed.Back to issuing direct order.This time its agreed to and we are somewhere close to leaving.Then she decided to pay for the hospital visit.More delays while i search her purse for non existent money(she has used up her allowance this month but refuses to admit it,and as usual she suspects me of not searching properly).Back to third direct order.I will pay and off we go.Tedious climb down flight of stairs,get into the car and the long wait at the hospital,during which time her mood has changed and she is busy passing comments on all folks visiting the hospital.Once the doctor sees her my mother is all charm.No tantrums and quiet angelic(she like the chap).Off we go to physio therapy.Now this is one of her pet hates.She dislike the word exercise,convinced that it was invented for everyone else but her so I know that this is going to be a huge hurdle to cross.But as always miracles never cease and the young man who attends to us is good looking and charming.My mother is instantly taken in(she loves young presentable men and can turn on the charm with ease,and I thank god it wasn't some very professional young woman...she would have sulked instantly).When i get back after paying the bill,there she is like a lamb,doing all the exercises without a murmur.The young man is busy encouraging her and they are getting along like a house on fire.Well he gives her a schedule and we are back home.The mother rather pleased with her outing,her meetings with nice young men who are all charm and where does that leave me.....oh well I am still,the morose daughter,who turns commander and issues direct orders....but well as far as my mother is concerned.....in life one does have to put up with some inconveniences,even when they are daughters.I am still wondering if i should laugh or cry....she can drive me nuts.But I still love her and its time for her tea

Nirvana

Nirvana....i think that's a state to reach when nothing touches you and youre beyond everything.I always wondered what it felt like.The man who wrote about it was wandering the wilderness in search of truth so I am assuming he was hungry and tired and physically exhausted.And when that happens your body and mind do reach another level.

The last few days have been one of trying to put some order into madness,but that's impossible when one is sleep deprived.So after some snatches of sleep,I get up and get going to get food ready,read the paper(an activity that can be missed and not affect life)look after the mothers need,have a quick bath and a cat nap and get going again because by then tea time has rolled around and dinner is round the corner.Do this a couple of days and the mind becomes numb and the body takes on a personality of its own.One is on auto pilot and nothing matters.One has reached that point in life when everything can just roll over,so i smile,entertain and continue to function on another level quiet apart from what i am really going through.It means that I am physically and mentally exhausted and I have attained nirvana....not a bad place to be considering I didn't have to smoke grass to get there....oops...tea time is here again

patience is a virtue

Patience is supposed to be a virtue and if that is the case then I am a little too virtuous for my own good and I don't like me.It also leaves one physically and mentally exhausted.It means having to put up with every ones whims and fancies,having to put up with inefficient service providers and not loose ones cool and having to wait in suspense for everything.How this can make anyone virtuous is beyond me.Right now I am being bounced around by one person to the next because they cant trace a courier,thanks to a local holiday and a Sunday in between.

Yesterday I was questioned on the validity of an Xray being taken.It went something like this.

She:"are you sure this X Ray was taken Madam"she asked.(Never mind that i had the bill for it.How something that didn't happen could be billed is beyond me)."

Me:"yes,is there a problem?

She:well there is no record of the same.

Me: perhaps it wasn't recorded,after all it was 4.30 am and at the emergency room

She:that's not possible,how sure are you that it was taken?

Me:(with all the patience i can muster and on the verge of a nervous collapse)Yes I am sure,I was with the patient in the X Ray room and again in the emergency room when the doc checked the X Ray...anymore details?

She:( shakes her head and says again like a stuck record)not possible madam

I was ready to throw a fit when one chap comes in and checks the computer....ah there it is...all taken and ready.

Me:(sigh of relief)

She:well i cant find it,please wait.

After much searching and numerous phone calls and endless discussions,they locate it and hand it over.Half an hour later I leave with a halo around my head...all patience and virtue,but am ready to kill the first person who come my way...

The XRay then travels all the way to its destination by courier.I have been promised a date an a time taking into account all the holidays in question.As on the date promised it hasn't reached and this is a destination I could have driven to in three hours.So what do I do,but wait patiently and hope to god that it reaches the doctor safe and sound.

In the meanwhile I answer questions and dole out good advice to a mother for who the pain is driving her mad.But its my job to hold everything together and still maintain my sanity.So I wait again patiently till I get some answers and honestly all this patience business is pure humbug,what really works is some good old kick ass aggression if you ask me

Womans voices

Most good things are enjoyed in retrospect,why else would one feel nostalgic about college some 25 odd years after leaving it,(when we were dying to get our while we were there),or for instance why does one hanker after moms cooking long after she has stoped cooking (as children we grumbled endlessly about her cooking).Unfortunately lots of times we are too busy being in the here and now that we appreciate it well after the experience is over.

Going back to college and seeing the campus and the lamps lit and the old classrooms kind of brings back memories that have been lost in the course of just living.To see women from different batches all with their silver hair but with the determination and joie de vivre reminds us what true empowerment means.Its about being your own person.No one has to empower woman,its in our hands to do what we want to do.The education in one of the best woman's colleges meant that we had no distractions in our pursuit of education and a broadening of our horizons.It made us socially aware,committed to causes and gave us the ability to be the best in whatever we choose to do and it gave us above everything else a mind of our own.Which is why one goes back to give back and as the college motto goes,lighted to lighten.It links us to other woman with shared experiences and shared agendas who in their old age are not dependent on others for support but rather on their own minds to be just themselves without the fear and insecurity that normally comes with growing old and helpless and the community of woman is probably the best group to reinforce that belief in self.

life in the time of elections

When it rains it pours,otherwise why should everything conspire to blink together.It started with the elections being announced,then the government went into top gear,so all of a sudden some water pipes that are as old as i can remember,were suddenly in need of replacements.Who decides that ...obviously the metro water people so there they were all of them with things to dig up the road and they got on with it.For days they dug indiscriminately and the one surviving tree on our road had its roots mutilated and I wonder if it will withstand the next rain(but we thank our stars it didnt fall down)The digging went on for a few days after which it was not just the tree in danger but the water supply and the electricity.You see in their blinkered way,they went ahead and did the work with no thought of what else will be affected so never mind if the electricity cables run underground,they just hacked away.When the water supply ran out we bought a tanker of water so that was ok(atlest we could have baths in clean water instead of our own sweat).Ofcourse afte the new pipes were provided,the electricity ran out and if we wanted to have  a party we need to have one just now as the lights blinked at regular intervals almost like a happening nightclub.In the process of this dance of lights,most electricial appliances shut down with the sheer stress of having to deal with the fluctuations.When all pleas to the electricity board fell on deaf ears,i called the chairmans office and told then what i thot of them,then the rest of the street (after having suffered in the heat for almost a week now) got hold of the ministers office and all of a sudden all the engineers were on our street trying to set things right(in our country its still all bout knowing the right people).They managed to make some patchwork of the wires while we prayed and sweated in equal measure.Then the air conditioning came on and we breathed a sigh of relief.Our happiness was short lived.The next day,a new department of the government decided that our already narrow street,needed to get more narrow so they are providing us with pavements.Now pavement mean digging again so we are back to square one except that this time around its not jsut the electricity wires that are being hacked,its also the internet cables....which is why after all this,this post maynot get published becasause the connection is on the blink and that is life in the time of elections

The city changes

Two years ago I had to drive down to meet a client in a far off suburb of madras.The roads or rather the lack of it made me feel more like a rally driver than a corporate type.There I was avoiding one ditch only to find half the car stuck in another.On all sides there were signs of life in the form of little shops,roadside vendors and plenty of half built glass monstrosities.As we went further up the road,the sun beat down relentlessly but the sides of the road gave way to lush green fields.The hot summer breeze wafted over the grass and the sway and swoosh of the leaves all added to visual appeal.We went a long distance I remember and I wondered aloud who may want to live in this back of beyond unless they had retired and wanted some hamlet tucked away far from the madding crowd.

Yesterday I had reason to go down the road again.With the confidence of a much travelled city driver I set off in my little car,ready to take on the pot holes and still make it a smooth drive.The city had changed while i slept,the roads were tared,smooth,the highway was awash with high tech lighting,over bridges for pedestrians and grand trees and plants all planted with great precision on the medians dividing the roads.Fast cars,air conditioned buses and overhead trains rumbled along and as I travelled further I didn't recognise a single signpost.The glass and concrete building were in evidence all along,the lust green fields that i feasted my eyes on had long given way to global warming and man made disasters.The little shops had increased,I had to pay a toll for usage of the road and the traffic was much greater.There were hotels,signboards,large hospitals and it was a city far removed from what I am used to.Everything was two years old.For me,having lived in a city that had history,tradition,culture and beautiful buildings,this was the sign of things to come.This is development and this is what we will do to our cities sooner than later.Yes of course i loved the smooth drive,I loved the organization,and I loved the fact that so much was happening in our city,but did it have to be at the cost of little villages,did we have to progress at the cost of green fields,open spaces and confine ourselves to Lego type housing and cubby holed offices albeit all the trappings of modern living.In the few green patches left,there were hoardings luring one to invest in property.I came away happy at progress,but saddened at the reflections of the mirrored building.I saw the heat increase as more trees were cut down,I saw the sea recede as more land was taken up closer to it and i saw the disasters we fail to foresee in our rapid need to rise up and be one with the rest of the world.In a fast paced economy we loose our heritage but there are countries that have managed to have the best of both.I wish our town planners had learnt those lessons sooner.

Zinger Life: Naya job, Purana formula !

Zinger Life: Naya job, Purana formula !

loved this post,but honestly in all my working years i have come across very few people who actually practise this...i agree it works but it needs conviction and courage and its a huge risk if one works in a highly political organization....i did

oh mother mine

Yesterday i read an article on mother daughter relationships and it made me examine my own relationship with my mother.As a child i had very little to do with her especially as a school child.I routed all requests through my eldest sister who was babysitter for most of them time and seemed to be in control.She also knew all the right buttons to press when it came to the mother (continues to do so even today).When the sisters left home i had no choice but to deal with her myself.My teenage years were spend stealing her red max factor lipstick(i used to mix it with coconut oil to make lip gloss which because it was forbidden,was ever so attractive)arguing with her on choice of clothes and what hairstyle i chose to wear.My mother was strict and opinionated in my opinion so the arguments never stoped.My friends and i learnt to break every rule without her finding out (in the days of no email and no cell phones this was no easy task as co ordination took time)In college i was left largely to myself but once i started working it was fine.She unfortunately was always viewed as a food provider,middle man to deal with my father and general care giver,I probably love my mother to bits but we are a family that doesn't express these things at least not verbally.Over the years i have fought my mothers case.My father being the dominating one ,i felt that she as a woman was not appreciated and this led to constant run in with my father.My mother for some strange reason or not so strange considering her upbringing,believed that the only way to combat loneliness was to get married have a few kids and that she believed was the way to do it.After all when one is old the children and grandchildren will be around she says.Never mind that the children except for one are never around but for her life is bearable because my sisters visit from time to time,the grand children drop in from time to time and these are for her probably the happiest times.That's when she laughs (she rarely laughs in my presence but neither do i).Over the years,I seems to have become a bit obsessed.Because her health is such a concern i police her all the time,i seem to come across as impatient and a constant nag.Yes she can leave the kitchen in a mess but her food preparations are so good that one can forgive a messy kitchen.My mother is a hoarder,she will squirrel things in the fridge and forget about it for years,so i clean the fridge when she is sleeping and throw away stuff.She has a cupboard full of sarees that never get worn and all kinds of other things.How does one deal with a parent getting old and loosing control.The roles reverse,I take on the role of commander in chief and she is so careful not to upset the balance.She checks with me about things to do and i find that hard.I still want my mother to take charge,i want her to run my house and do stuff she did before but this is what i have to learn to deal with.It teaches me patience i hope and in return i hope i don't get into the mode that a lot of my friends get into,where love and caring are shown by our constant nagging and yelling.Are we just to scared to face our mothers getting old and frail....yes it is and for those of us who live with it day to day its a traumatic experience but something we will look back on fondly and be glad for our times together.And so to another day when I have managed to throw away a lot of the rubbish that the fridge had,and to out high tension breakfast of appam and stew and a lot of appreciation that my mother will have an opinion about the way i cut onions or the way i talk to my maid,but honestly what would the house be like without her....i hate to imagine

net working

Networking,its the buzz word in the corporate world,it really means that you scratch my back and i yours,so every time we meet someone,we size his up as a potential contact for some favour or the other.Now this networking thing comes very easily to men and to some woman,especially if you are the ambitious kind.Of course its amazing how much value it has in the superficial world we live in today.Now take someone like me,who is ambitious but in my own way and I have managed pretty well so far.Yes there is the joke that I know someone or the other in the city so chances are that I bump into them sooner than later.The fact is that most people who know me are also persons in their own right and they for some reason see me as someone they would like to know.Now for me it ends right there.I simply cannot imagine using their contacts to get things done.Now here is where my shyness vs my networking skills comes in and i end up with a big zero.Its worse when i am not in the corporate world,so there are people who call and ask if i can speak to this one and that and I for the life of me cant do,simply cant get myself to doing it.Am i being foolish?.Of course I am,i will not survive in this cut throat world of networking and working out of home.Its something that i need to work on but tell me how does one change ones personality now in the twilight years of my life.When i quit full time work,my cell phone stoped ringing and i was delighted.I could forget it existed and it suited me fine.The husband has quit full time work and his phone never stops ringing.He is networking and loves it.Sometimes the networking will extend to someone I know and i cringe at the thought of having to call but i must learn to do it.Its probably the most difficult lesson in life so far,but someone said that when we stop learning ,we stop living and i guess i would like to live a few more years so learning here i come,slowly but surely

Eleven years

Eleven years is a long time in this day and age to stay married and we seem to be close to accomplishing this near impossible task.Today's newspaper talked of a young 20 something jumping off the fifth floor because she was denied a cigarette (life is that inexpensive today),another young couple were ready to call it quits because the recession was taking its toll.All around me the signs of recession is alive and kicking and its toll on marriages is scary.Unfortunately it seems to be affecting the young upwardly mobile couple who seem to have it all,house,car,cute baby,double incomes(until recently),life style as defined by blackberry,pup visits,eating out and getaways.So what keeps the 40 somethings like us stay together.Don't we have problems,don't we have fights?.Of course we do.The husband and i have been fighting and arguing over the silliest of things for the past eleven years and for some six years before when we thought we were friends but could fight to kill each other.Of course over the years,the quality of fights (like everything else in the world) has come down.Now we actually give in and agree (which I must admit is a tad boring,nothing like a good fight to release stress I would say).There are no gifts now,(being at home means there is no requirement for perfume,clothes etc)no eating out(since I discovered my culinary talents)but our house is always filled with family and friends and everything that we like.After eleven years we don't need conversations,the husband is glued to tv and  yours truly is content with books,cooking and reading(all done in separate rooms so as not to disturb the quality of our pursuits).Its enough to know that the significant other is a shout away.We still do vegetable shopping together(its nice to have someone carry the bags)Our driving roles are reversed but not without the constant lesson on good driving skills that the husband insists on giving,to which I have learnt to turn a deaf ear and when the monologue gets too much I step on the gas and the husband is reduced to silence and gets his voice back only when we reach home.To the young people of today we may come across as staid,uninteresting and lacking in life but we never in these eleven years (during the worst of times) felt the need to dump each other for a better life.We had all or more of the problems that most couples face but maybe it was good parenting on our parents part,maybe it was the fact that everything we own we had to work hard for,maybe its the fact that in a relationship with so little conversation,we still managed to communicate and understand and maybe just maybe we have got some of our priorities right.Not to be judgemental but in today's world everything is about speed.Get richer faster,grow faster,dump faster and jump around jobs,relationships and everything else.Sound so exciting and so full of possibilities but where does it all end.....something the best things in life come slowly and to wait for it is the best part of living.There is not going to be flowers,chocolates and moonlight tomorrow,more likely it will be dirty washing,watering plants,veggie shopping and some quality time in the kitchen but that's happiness and after eleven years I couldn't ask for more

Made by maids

Her day begins at 5am and ends around 4pm,by which time she has taken care of all her household chores,packed her kids off to school,cleaned and washed dishes in two houses,cleaned two houses and is probably dog tired by the end of it all.Like most working women she needs to handle her shopping,and other jobs outside of home which unfortunately eat into her work time.Dare she be late to work and the household will yell at her,demand an explanation and sulk.She gets no paid leave,no casual leave and no sick leave.She has not benefits that a lot of women in the organised sector have.At home she has a husband who refuses to be employed,children to educate,insurance to pay and sundry functions to conduct all of which need to be handled on her meager salary.Yet there are very few days when she sulks.Most days she is the picture of cheerfulness,always laughing at her woes,always ready for a joke and punctual when most others of her breed will bunk at the slightest excuse.I have seen maids of many generations and I marvel at the change or progress that they have made.In the earlier days,they were a lot less affluent and most had husbands that were drunk and abusive.This is true of most maids in the 40 plus group.The thirty something ones all have some of the so called fancy amenities.Most have gas connections,concrete roof over their heads,a bicycle to commute on,and a cell phone to chat with friends.Their attitudes have also undergone some change.I find that they are more educated,have a clearer understanding of their rights be it at home or in the workplace,and are ready to learn.They are also learning to appreciate that when they are treated well they need to reciprocate the same.This in my view is progress albeit at a very slow pace

Corruption is fed

We are making progress,that means we fright corruption first and to do that it takes collective effort.The first step is that every payment is made by demand draft or cheque and there are signs all over government offices saying that bribing is not acceptable.There is also a phone number to call if anyone asks or takes a bribe.Funny to think that should we do so,chances are that non of our jobs will get done,the other thing that can happen is that the very guy we call will ask for a bribe.Now this is tricky so we do a little dance,we gauge the reaction of the concerned person with leading questions and a little play acting on our part.After some time we are told that if we should try and handle the procedures by ourselves,chances are that it will take a long time and we may be asked unnecessary questions.Well that has us stumped(exactly the objective),so we ask in all innocence what we need to do.She is prompt.There is a person who is very experienced she tells us who would be glad to assist and having worked in the office for years he know the ins and outs she tells us.We are given a phone number and a name and an appointment is fixed and we are sent on our way.No money has exchanged hands and no bribe has been given or asked for.Its understood that the middle man will get it all done for us,take a nice tidy sum of money depending on his assessment of how much we can afford and everyone in the chain will be paid off.Is this corruption...of course it is.Will we stand up to it,well we would like to but we also need to earn a living and we also know that standing up to them isn't in our best interests,so we pay up.Are we to blame,perhaps yes but is there a solution....I don't know and having seen systems far more corrupt I learn to appreciate(not the most appropriate word) that this city is perhaps the lesser of the evils than some other governments I know.So we are all caught up in a web of corruption but why blame the government and its workers,at least they don't take the moral high ground like some private corporates do but corruption comes in many forms and its not confined to just government personnel...some of the private ones are a lot worse by comparison